Post # 1
This past January my then boyfriend and I decided we wanted to try and buy a house instead of renewing our lease with our apartment. After some hunting, my parents came up with the idea that Shaun and I should buy their house and they would renovate the back garage loft into an apartment for them. So we went through with the plan. Now we are 3 days away from moving and the house is still FULL of their things, floors are ripped up with no hardwood down yet, and I’m an anxious mess. Not to mention my sisters still have boxes of stuff in the house. I’m tired of fighting and arguing with everyone, I’m exhausted and honestly I don’t have any idea what to do.
I know this isn’t wedding related at all, but I just need some honest advice. Thank you.
Post # 3
Oh wow sweetie! That does sound stressful. Why have they left things till the last minute?
I would get your sister to move her shit, like, yesterday. And have some of the guys in your family get to finishing the wood floors, etc.
The problem with family, I think, is that too often boundaries get blurred. If this was a friend of yours, or if you were buying the house through a realtor, this stuff would be done already, or you wouldn’t have to see it and argue with everyone.
My advice is to set some boundaries with your family so that they know what you expect from you, and you from them. Especially since you’ll be living in the same building with them in the end.
Good luck and take care of yourself! :/
Post # 4
@GreenEyedLady13: Eep. This is why I never mix money or investments with family. They do things that they could never get away with if it was a stranger involved in the transaction. Be upfront and tell them your expectations. I hope you still had a lawyer involved (family or not, assests need to be protected) so you can tell them to honour the agreement and get their asses in gear.
It is not fair to put you under so much stress ever, but especially for your first house.
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@BoxerLady: +1, perfectly said.
Post # 6
Problem is I’m not sure how to set these boundries without having an arguement with my family. I’ve always just been the one who did what she was told, an now that I’m voicing an opinion things are getting ugly. I don’t want to offend or hurt my parents but at the same time come Saturday I need to be able to put my things into my home.
Another thing is they keep undermining Shaun and I. If I tell my sister her stuff needs to be out by this date, they tell her oh L isn’t moving in till the 18th you have time.
I’m just at the point where I’m giving up.
Post # 7
If it were me, I would give them a firm date that the house needs to be “vacant and broom clean” by (per a typical, arms-length transaction). If it is not cleaned out by that time, I would hire some local guys to move everything from the house into the garage/apartment. Their possessions are not your problem anymore.
I would also insist that your parents put money to replace the hardwood floors into escrow at closing, and if they aren’t replaced by a certain date, that money becomes yours and it is now your responsibility to put the floors in.
My dad had a quote that says “there are no victims, only volunteers.” If you do not assert yourself, you are letting your family take advantage of you. It is just as much your fault that you are in this situation as it is theirs. This is business. It may be tense for a short while, but if you let all of these things linger, they will be tense forever. Put your foot down and assert yourself.
Post # 8
And it’s true – until closing date, you have no ability to kick your sister’s stuff out. But be clear if it’s not out by closing time, that it will be in the dumpster immediately afterwards.
Post # 9
We made settlement march 28th. So now what?
Post # 10
By “made settlement” do you mean that you own it now?
In that case, then I would send your sister a formal note, informing her that if her stuff is not removed within 24 hours it will go to the dump. Instruct her that she should not rely on anyone else’s assertions otherwise that’s it’s fine to stay. And if she doesn’t remove her stuff…move it to the curb and text her a picture as you are doing so, so she realizes it’s true.
For your parents….so so tricky. I guess sit them down and say we’ve got a problem…lay it out that you own it now, you need the house and them out. Say it nicely but firmly. Ask them for their ideas on how to make it happen in 3 days as planned. Offer to help them find a rental? I think this is really dicey situation (and why business is bad with family!). I wouldn’t have bought it – or would have made sure it was renovated as intended before buying. But you have, so you need a way out. You can live with ripped up floors, it’s just not good.
And if you have to…I guess get a lawyer or at least someone to act for you with your family if they won’t take you seriously. You need to make them take you seriously.