- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So I’m not sure if this is where I should be posting this, but I couldn’t think of anywhere better. I’ve posted a few times here and there, but today particularly I’m feeling a little- well, overwhelmed with things so I thought I’d share here to try and sort out what’s on my mind.
A little about me and FI- I am 38 and Fiance is 41 (39 and 42 when we marry in October). We met in January 2012, got engaged in April of 2012, he gave me the ring in May. Anyway, we’ve been kind of slacking on the wedding planning due to other things going on- just life kind of getting in the way, I suppose. We’ve got the deposit down on the hall,I have my dress and we’ve been bridesmaid dress shopping, we have the ceremony and officiant taken care of, DJ is all set, have a family member we are going to contact about flowers, meeting with photographers next week, Save the Dates should be here in a couple of weeks – so things are finally starting to come together. We just skated under the 7-month mark. Things are starting to feel “real”.
So a couple of things. The other day we sat down with our respective guest lists. Now, my family literally consists of like 10 people. Me, my sister, brother, father, (mother passed away when I was young), 2 aunts, a cousin, cousin’s wife and 3 kids. That’s IT. No other cousins, no grandparents, nobody else. And all my life I’ve felt very self conscious about this…almost as if people were somehow judging me for it. And I realize how irrational that sounds. Fiance, on the other hand, comes from a HUGE Irish family. I’m talking, 30+ first cousins, aunts and uncles all over the place. Not to mention a TON of family friends he’s obligated to invite. So my list for Save the Dates is like 40 households- MAYBE 70 people. This includes friends and co-workers I’m inviting. And that’s a stretch. And I was ok with that. Until I saw his list. We’re talking- close to 200.
So I had a little “feeling sorry for myself” meltdown and I felt so stupid for it. I know it doesn’t matter “how many” people are there on either “side” (I am adamant about there not being “grooms side” and brides side” seating at the ceremony)…but I couldn’t help it. He felt so bad, and it’s certainly nothing he needed to feel badly about- it just is what it is. Then “I” felt bad because I was like “well clearly I am doing this all for you”- meaning since he has a huge family. I want to get married, I want to have the wedding…I just didn’t expect certain ridiculous things to hit me like this. And itt’s not about the money- we have a budget but are not going to skimp on the budget by not including family and friends we want to be there, and who want to celebrate with us.
Then today. We don’t yet live together- once he’s finished with his Masters Degree later this spring, we are going to start looking at a house (or an apartment if need be, if we can’t find a house right away). And it’s occurring to me for the first time that within the next 7 months, I am going to be a.) living with the man that will be my husband, and then 2.) married. It all just feels a bit surreal. And today I started wondering if younger brides feel this overwhelmed at this point- it’s like, I’ve been on my own and independent for SO LONG…and it’s just a huge change. No offense meant toward younger brides, who I know are very independent as well- I just wonder if it’s something that affects them quite as much since they haven’t been on their own as long. Sounds silly, I know.
And then to make matters (better? worse?), I listened to our wedding song on my way to work today. We decided very early on what it would be, it’s perfect for us- everyone who knows us will “get it” when they hear it. Anyway, when I was listening to it today, I nearly started bawling. I got all choked up…we’re talking tears streaming down my cheeks as I’m driving to work. WHO DOES THIS? LOL. I am a super emotional person anyway- and I was just so filled with emotion hearing this song, but in a good way. (For the record, I get goosebumps EVERY time I hear my processional song, LOL). I am just hoping that by the time our wedding day comes, that all of these silly emotions (and tears LOL) will be under control.
Anyone else start to feel just a ridiculous amount of emotion at some point before their wedding?