- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My bf that I have been dating since last June (2011) and he proposed on March 8, of this year, which was a surprise (not expecting it til summer at soonest) and well… needless to say we are both mondo procrsastinators. Here it is, the end of June and we only have most of our guest list ready, I don’t have a dress, we haven’t done our registries, and we decided against save the dates because of time, we’re hoping to self-cater, planted wildflowers ourselves (major DIY people too), and haven’t even thought about cake…I think the only thing we have done is asking close friends to be in the wedding, got our venue and reserved rentals for the ceremony/reception… we’re getting married September 15th THIS year, around 200 guests, 5 bridesmaids, 5 groomsmen, outside with (hopefully) fun bbq.
The theme of our wedding is a bbq with yard games like croquet and bochee ball at the classy/rustic reception. In a nutshell: a bbq lunch with friends and family that – oh, By The Way, we’re getting married at! I want a simple chiffon dress, wildflowers, and told my bridesmaids to pick any blue dress as long as it’s comfy… it’s mostly DIY (read: lots of Pinteresting!) including the food! I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want a wedding – did I mention I don’t want a wedding? …here’s the catch though! I HAVE to have a wedding. Fiance and I are having a wedding to be respectful of our families and friends – to include them in our joy and share our special day.
In walks the drama:
1) Mother in law threatened to cut funding (they’re helping with venue rentals… which is just chairs/tables etc as venue is a relative and giving their yard for no cost) if we didn’t have his sister in the wedding (his only sister), but I’d only been around her 2-3 times… I got over it and considering she’ll be my sister in the future I figured why not. I want to have a good relationship with my future family and… well, it makes ’em happy… and I do like her, so it’s not a big problem I suppose, it’s just weird thinking of having someone I hardly know standing next to girls I know very well. She also lives in SoCal (I’m in Oregon) and is in now in her 4th year of medical school, so doesn’t really have a whole lot of time to help/it’s not super feasable for her to help with anything regarding wedding stuff.
2) Future In-laws keep buying things! Things for reception… things I don’t want to spend money on. Fiance and I are buying most of the things ourselves, and I want to keep tabs on all wedding expenses as we’re trying to keep costs to no more than 7K max. future mother in law used to be a wedding planner in the 80s, so she’s obscessed with planning planning planning and bizzare and funky traditions that I’d never even heard of! Ha! I don’t want any obnoxious traditions. We’re not even having a flowergirl/ringbearer. She wants everything to be SUPER fancy and traditional and in a church… but is getting used to the idea of my needing to plan things on my own (including buying my own dress with my friends/mother)… a be it very very very slowly. My fiance is her oldest child and first of his immediate family to get married in his generation so needless to say she is EXCITED. She is anticipating buying her daughter a wedding dress in the future that is the same as our entire budget, which is CRAZY to me.
3) My only/older sister has decided she wants to get married this fall, on October 21! She’s not even engaged and has only been dating her boyfriend since March. My parents are stressed about it too because they want to help, but are stressed about my wedding to begin with. She’s upset and says I’m being mean and disrespectful because I wish she would be more considerate about her wedding plans, and supportive of mine (she suggested I have a lace dress… I don’t mind it, but it’s really not me at all, and she says I was rude in not following through with her suggestion when I tried on a lace dress at the appointment I made on a particular day and in HER city, which is 2 hours away from me, just so that she would show up!) when I’ve been engaged for as long as she’s been with her boyfriend and decided on a Sept wedding not long after our engagement – but she, not even engaged already has her venue and has little regard for our father’s permission in the matter (made my dad cry when we talked about it the other day, and he doesn’t cry). She claims that I am demanding to reserve the entire fall season for myself — but seriously, my parents only have one bank account and it’s small at that. She also claims that i have it easy and have access to lots of $$ that she doesn’t and that I want a big and fancy wedding (could not be more wrong… I dont want a big or fancy wedding)…. well, duh! My mom can’t even talk with me about my wedding because sister is being such a B-word about her own (apparent) wedding. I also asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor as she IS my only sister and we went through a lot growning up together (parent’s divorce as kids, mother’s remarriage, adoption by step-dad, moving, work, college together, etc), but she turned me down! She wasn’t even excited and seemed disgusted when I showed her the cute Pinterest project I put together for all my bridesmaids as an invite to be my special “sisters” in my wedding. Her first response was “are you sure.” gross!! I wanted to cry! She agreed to still be a bridesmaid but pretty much just wants to show up on the day of (took a lot to even ask her if she’d be willing to take ONE day off work…at starbucks… to be in my wedding)!
4) The other girl I asked to be my Maid/Matron of Honor next is my closest friend – we’ve known eachother since we were 12. She became prego last spring with a long-time on and off bf (who was in the marines until may) that she decided to marry last summer. I, unemployed and dirt broke at the time, drove 3 hours to spend a weekend with her getting everything ready, wedding planning and everything – keeping her entire family calm during the wedding prep and making sure everything went smoothly. Baby is adorable and so sweet, but her now-ex-Marine husband is being distant and vacant playing videogames all day (obvs has ptsd from deployment and suddenly back in normal life… dad, husband all at once), but it’s stressful and wares on us all… her little sister (and another of my good friends) just got engaged and is getting married in October too!!! She and i lived together from sept-january of this last winter season, and it did not work out well… but the sad thing is that she hasn’t talked to me since asking for utility deposits back. I went out of my way to call her several times DAILY for a week following my engagement to tell her and share my joy… but she text’d me a week later saying “can you just text me what you want?” … she didn’t even bother telling me about her engagement til I found out about it from her sister (the new-mom who is very excited, but also jealous because it’s the happy engagement she wanted). Little sister (and just engaged) of my two friends is VERY concieted and narcisistic. She still won’t give me a second out of her day to even have a coffee date. I don’t want things to be an issue like this but they totally are. …..anyway! I asked the new-mom/older sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but now she’s WAAY occupied with her little sister’s upcoming wedding, and I’m worried about her own crumbling new-marriage to ask her if she’s too stressed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor now.
5) Another one of my very close friends, of whom, I did not ask to be in my wedding because i have already asked her to be a general-helper-of-everything/day-of coordinator (also because I already have a bridal party of 5 girls standing at my side and only 200 guests) – in fact, the very person who introduced me to my now-fiance. She just text’d me today that she has intentionally distanced herself from me because she feels she’s not wanted regarding anything revolving around my wedding, especially considering I have gone out of my way so often to attempt to get my sister involved with things unsuccessfully. I have asked for coffee dates/sun tanning sessions/movie dates… all the time, even asked her to come wedding dress shopping with me on numerous occasions! My fiance suggested I add her as a 6th, but I don’t know if that’s too much and I don’t want a massive bridal party. he wants our sides to be even and has a friend he can/wants to ask.
6) I’m nervous to ask bridesmaid #4 for help with wedding things because she is one of my only single friends and lives 2 hours away, and I really don’t want to overload her with wedding things/my being engaged and her not even having a bf. She also lives with my sister, so that also complicates things.
7) one of my house mates (I live in a house with 3 other girls/college students around my age) is getting married this summer and invited all the other girls, including one girl that just moved out to her wedding and bridal shower –except me. She is a MEGA bridezilla and i can tell she’s intentionally aloof with me because she doesn’t want to invite me. I do everything I can to be kind and considerate and friendly with her, but no dice.
8) my other bridesmaid is one of my other housemates and a long-time college roommate/housemate, but she is a very busy and poor college student with a serious bf who just moved 2 hours away for pharmacy school. She’s great, but I don’t want to stress her out with needing to plan showers and parties for me, but I’m thinking that I don’t know what else to do….
In my attempt to have a wedding to be respectful and inclusive of family and friends has turned against me… Perhaps we should have eloped back in April? 😛 We are major procrastinators !! it’s terrible!!! We are getting a start on things a bit more, but it’s slow moving. I graduated with my masters in teaching last june and have yet to get my license (procrastination much?) I work as a catering coordinator for a bakery-cafe in my town, and it’s very stressful, and I come home often too tired to work on anything wedding-related (i want to quit almost daily, but know i need to keep the job to pay bills/college debt/wedding), or more interested in doing a workout than actually focusing on planning. Fiance and I are also still very much wanting to “be happy to be engaged” and do fun things together – which takes time away from planning.
I am so frustrated and depressed over all this right now! I have no idea what to do.. and I don’t like all this drama! It’s so maddening! In an attempt to AVOID drama, I have inadvertently CREATED it. mergh….. thoughts?