Post # 1
I haven’t sent out invitations yet and everyone’s asking to bring extra people to the wedding. The thing is there not asking me directly they are asking my family. My parents are not contributing to the wedding but they are acting like sure everyone gets plus one or two etc. we made our list of mainly family. Most are married with children who we invited and we only are giving plus ones to the people who have been in relationships that we know. We were hoping some would not come but my Aunt seems to be ensuring that everyone comes so we really have no extra room. I invited all my cousins even though I’m not close with most of them. I tried to be as fair as I could. Why is it when you get married people assume you have endless amount of money?
Post # 2
Your parents need to fuck right off.
If they are going to “allow” several additional guests on your behalf they need to pay for them.
Post # 3
I agree that it’s not your parents’ place to decide who can and who can’t come to your wedding. However, I think it’s also important to remember that people who are in relationships regardless of whether you know about them or not would expect that their partners would be invited. I go many places without my spouse, but I would not attend a wedding where he wasn’t invited.
Post # 4
You need to step up and tell your parents no. Whoever got a plus one got one and that it is it.
If they want to invite all those extra people, they can pay for them.
Post # 5
People can only do what you allow them to do.”I’m sorry. We are unable to accommodate any more guests.”
ps Plus ones are for truly single people- those not in a relationship. People in a relationship are SO’s and they are invited together.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
I agree with the PP’s here. Your parents need to stop inviting and allowing people to come to the wedding before speakign with you. SO DISRESPECTFUL!
I would have a frank conversation with them. Tell them that you are at capacity and if they tell anyone else they will get a wedding invite, they either wont get one, or your parents have to dish out the cash for them to come. Make sure you include all the extras in that cost, not just the per person plate. Include how much it would cost for extra invitations, an extra centerpiece if you need another table, extra chair rentals, etc etc etc.
And one suggesstion, get them to give you the money up front. Do not let them just say “oh yeah, we’ll cover the cost for an extra table of people we want there” and then they never do it.
NO PAY NO SAY!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Tell them NO. Put your foot down. Don’t let them get away with that are you kidding me. Use your words Bee.
Post # 8
Tell your parents they may invite as many people as they’d like to pay for.
Seriously, have a conversation with them and make it clear this has to stop or you’ll cancel the wedding and elope.
Married and engaged couples must be invited together whether you know the spouse or fiance or not. The partners of those in long-term relationships and/or living together really should be invited as well, whether you know them or not. You are inviting people to celebrate your relationship–don’t disrespect theirs.
Post # 9
Uggh happens to me as well! A person I invite says don’t forget to invite my friend so & so or I’m going to bring so & so with me like no this is not your wedding, so don’t start inviting random people close family and friends only and we’re only giving plus ones to married or engaged couples. Sorry. This is not a party for you and your friends it’s a wedding. So appreciate your invite. I know it’s impor to make guests happy but if I and my fiancé don’t know or talk to these people then sorry no invite. You have to be frank I know it’s hard I’m super shy but remember this day is for you and your soon to be husband! Do what you guys want best regards & wishes!
Post # 10
Make sure to make it CLEAR on the invitations and RSVP cards that it’s only one guest. I have a couple friends who I knew might try to pull something so I wrote 1 guest and their name in advance so they could not have the opportunity. I’ve been dealing with the same thing, just because we are friends or family they are comfortable enough to try to squeeze guests in. Don’t be a pushover and tell them no to their faces and move on. It’s your wedding, bee!!!
Post # 11
You just need to shut them down, the sooner the better. My Mother-In-Law did this and we allowed a couple extra people and then my husband just had to tell her “We’re paying for this in our own, each person costs us more money, we made the list and its staying as is, no one else is being added”. He was firm with her and she understood and it wasn’t a problem after that.
Be clear, and straight to the point that you won’t be adding more people to the guest list, conversation over.
Post # 12
Totally agree. Tell your parents that if anyone asks them if they can come or bring someone that if they wanna ask they need to ask you directly. The parents need to let people know that they aren’t the one to ask and that they will not be passing along anyone’s requests to you. If they do try to pass off requests for invites to you, remind them that is not their job and you will be ignoring all requests that don’t come to you directly.
Post # 13
I’d tell her to let them know you’ll have to wait to see your invitation. I doubt anyone will have the balls to contact you directly. We had alot of relatives try to guilt Mother-In-Law or ask in a round about way but never directly to us so I wouldn’t worry about that.
I had this problem but with kids. We both aren’t close with the kids of our family (they’re not nieces and nephews they are all 2nd or once removed cousins we haven’t seen in years).
Mother-In-Law was adament kids should be invited etc. …… except it would have come to the tune of $4K. We put our foot down and said if you want to pay we’ll invite them. Never heard about it again after that for some odd reason
Post # 14
If you haven’t completed your invitations yet you may want to specify how many you are inviting. (e.g. “Johnson family/household” or Mike Johnson & one guest). You also need to make it crystal clear to certain parents, aunts and others that you will only accommodate seating for a certain number of people or only those who received invites.
You have to learn to say “No” to family bee.
Post # 15
I think everyone should get a plus one. We invited everyone to bring one guest. Most did not bring a guest, but it is the right etiquette.