(Closed) Overwhelmed. Lost my job….Need advice on EVERYTHING. HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh my, this is a shitty situation now isn’t it?

 

First of all…she’s been married to a douche bag, then in a long term relationship that didn’t last, and now she’s getting married in a month?  I would be concerned and have doubts about this and her not so smart life choices.

 

I know that people tend to get all pissy over others being worried about their “spotlight” and someone stealing their “thunder”.  But I can totally understand why you’re feeling that way when you’ve been treated that way your whole life.  I also understand that waiting 8 years to share this news only to have your forever spotlight stealer share hers after one month of dating some new guy.  I appreciate how well you’ve handled it, and I think you should be proud of yourself for trying to be the bigger person and not let it ruin your relationship.  If she hadn’t pestered you for why you were sad, you probably wouldn’t have said anything, am I right?

 

Now, if your sister is treating you like shit, saying your life is shitty and basically that you’re nothing, do you really want her to be there?  I mean deep down, do you think you’ll be happy having her there with you with the attitude she’s showing and the person that you say she has become?  Still asking her to be in your wedding shows that you’re willing to move past all this, but perhaps her not being able to come is a blessing in disguise.

 

As for the job thing, just get out there and start looking.  Keep your head up high and keep on keepin on.  You will find something, even if you have to take a job at McDonalds, get something right away.  It’s always easier to find a job when you have one, and you shouldn’t let your pride get in the way of making money, no matter how little it is.  Making minumum wage is better than feeling sorry for yourself making nothing!  

 

If you can’t find something and you’re worried about the wedding, can you push it out a little so you’re not losing sleep and worrying about how you’re going to feed yourself?  Not sure if that’s an option or what you’ve already paid for.

As for your Mother-In-Law, I would find a way to politely let her know that everyone else will be dressed up.  Mention that it will be awkward in pictures, and you would like her to dress the part.  In the end if she doesn’t, she’ll look the fool – not you.

Post # 4
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

One word…elope.

Post # 5
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, so much going on…my advice is to pick one thing and focus your emotional energy on that.  Job hunting, probably.

 

 

 

I am the youngest of three girls too–six and ten years older–and it sounds like what’s been going on between you and your sister has been going on for a long time, and won’t be fixed overnight.  IMO Facebook arguing is cowardly–everyone is a king on their throne on the Internet.  If someone starts up with me online or in email I call them on the phone–far less likely to escalate that way.  Anyway, tell her straight up that you want her in your bridal party on your special day, and her plans to start a family are so not your problem; you’ll adapt.  Perhaps she should get a gown with an empire waist. Even if she gets pregnant on her honeymoon and can’t make your wedding, don’t give it another thought as you can’t do a thing about it. Lives keep happening.

 

 

 

As for one-upping, you each get a day for your wedding, perhaps a weekend.  Her wedding is her day and yours is your day.  If you’re still leery about the spotlight after your childhood…you’re both adults and living your own lives now, and it only hurts you to keep comparing your parents’ actions with your sister and you. There’s no such thing as equality in raising siblings; no matter how hard the parents try and that’s just them being human. So let that go as you have the reins of your life now.  If your sister is likely to cause drama on your actual wedding day, then get your Fiance and your other sister to support you as you let go of it.  It’s not easy!  You have to practice–it’s the mental attitude equivalent of doing push-ups, I think.  Just remember that you have control in how her behavior affects you.

 

 

 

You’ll find another job you love!!  You found the last one and thrived, right?

 

 

 

Hang in there. My middle sister is in the midst of a divorce this year.  How she’ll behave at my wedding is the least of my worries regarding that, but it is on my list of concerns.  At least if she misbehaves, I’ll be too busy with all the other guests to hear about it until after the fact.

 

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