- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
So I will start off from the very beginning. I am the youngest of three daughters, so I have been considered the baby sister/baby of the family since as long as I can remember. Growing up as the youngest of three girls was tough. I’ve always felt overshadowed, outshined, etc. I’ve basically lived in the shadow of the other two all my life. I am now 26, and have been engaged to my fiance since last Halloween (yes, Halloween!). Our relationship has been wonderful since the very beginning, I really believe I hit the jackpot when I met him…and we have been together for almost 8 years (8 years in May).
During the previous couple of years, we moved out of our hometown to pursue our careers as there wasn’t a lot of job opportunities in our small hometown. My fiance took a job offer that was given to him in the city, and I quit my job (that I would have eventually been laid off from had I stayed) to be with him and find better opportunities. What also convinced me to quit was I had been diagnosed with a serious health condition and the symptoms had been unbearable for 2-3 years, so I found that the best choice would be to quit my job and focus on healing for a while. For the next year and a half I went through some of the most difficult times in our relationship, and in my life and grew very depressed. I had been living off of $1,000 for a year that I was forced to withdraw from my life insurance policy. As much of a dire situation I was in, I didn’t get much support from my family. A couple of times I was given help, but only once or twice to pay a bill I was overdue on. Everything else, my fiance was taking care of and if it hadn’t been for him, I would have been on the street.
I eventually found a job where I was happy and found a new appreciation for life and for everything. It turned my life around, and things were starting to go back to being good again. I was no longer depressed, I felt good and was symptom free, and had a lot of things going for me.
However, the week before I started this new job, my other sister closest to me had gotten into a horrible car accident, nearly died, was forced to stop working because of her injuries, got screwed over because the person who hit her didn’t have car insurance, and broke up with her boyfriend (who was like a brother and friend to me and my fiance) of almost 2 years. My family was severely shaken by everything. And though we were all grateful she was alive, the break-up to her former boyfriend caused some tension between her and my dad that most of us couldn’t understand. My dad has always been sensitive to things, and carries a lot of guilt about the way he used to treat us as kids. He was borderline abusive, and had a lot of anger problems back in the day when we were little. Prior to this tension between the two of them, my sister had been with a different guy for over 10 years, and eventually got married to him. My dad had very little respect for the guy, and for good reason. He did things, got into some trouble, cheated on my sister, and was not a good influence. He had always been a jerk to me as well, although after a while I got used to it and ignored it.
Since things were starting to look good in my life once again, and my fiance and I had brought up the idea of marriage last year. We felt like we were both at a point in our lives where we could afford to get married. I was relieved. I had wanted to get married for years, we had been together for such a long time and we didn’t want to wait any longer. I felt like there had been so many set-backs in our lives prior to this point in time, that it was like “FINALLY…”
Our whole family was surprised to find out that my sister (the one who just recently got out of a relationship) was now dating another guy just one month after her breakup. Around the time that my fiance and I were bringing up marriage to our family, I was shocked as all hell to find out that my sister, too, was getting engaged, after such a short period of time with this new guy. A lot of us did not agree or understand her decision to rush into a marriage. As a younger sister, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat overwhelmed by this, as I knew the news of their engagement was going to completely overshadow ours. To be honest, even though I was happy for my sister, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed for myself. I knew this was going to completely override everything having to do with us, and focus on them instead. I tried not to look at it this way, and just be happy for her, but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to have to fight for the spotlight, compete with my sister, and this upset me because I just didn’t want to have to deal with that. I knew it would become a competition as ridiculous as that sounds, and my sister has always been higher up on the “totem pole” in my family, and this would be no different.
When my sister called me to announce her engagement, we had company and were busy in the middle of dinner with my fiance’s mom. Because of this, we didn’t return her call right away because his mom was staying at our house for the weekend. Because I wasn’t able to return her call, I wrote on her facebook instead. A few days later, she was pissed off at me that I didn’t show more “excitement” or eagerness for her engagement. I didn’t understand why she’d get so upset with me for it, and it seemed very sensitive. I knew it’d be nice to receive the over-exuberant screams of “CONGRATULATIONS OMG OMG!” but I would never expect that from anyone, especially since most of us were already aware of their engagement.
That’s when it all started. She initiated a conversation with me via facebook, and in a hostile way, asked me what was wrong. I had been going through some trouble with work, and was beginning to worry about my job. It was announced to us a few months prior to this that our department was most likely going to downsize and cut half of the staff, and I felt like I was on the chopping block. After what I went through prior to accepting this job, it was a nightmare to think about being let go from a job I loved. I decided to be open and honest with her, and just open up to her about how I had been feeling. I told her that though I was happy for her and her engagement, I was going through a lot at work and just hoped that things would be fair in terms of us both getting married. She took offense to this, and began lashing out at me, basically told me I had a shitty life, and that I was being selfish and negative. We got into an argument, and she eventually had her maid of honor write me a hate mail, for something she wasn’t even a part of. I couldn’t talk to my sister for weeks. Her actions got the attention of my my mother, who was furious by her and her maid of honor’s actions, and forced her to apologize to me.
As hurtful enough as it was, I was eventually kicked out of my sister’s bridal party because I explained how difficult it would be for me to afford the dress/shoes she wanted us to wear. She later invited her neighbor who she didn’t know very long to fill in as a bridesmaid. This was very hurtful to me as a sister, and things between us have not been the same. It’s been 7-8 months and I cannot look at her the same way. She has changed in so many ways, and not for the better. She’s become a monster! She’s made things very inconvenient for everyone, not to mention she has seemingly turned her back on my dad and I, and hasn’t even introduced my dad to the groom yet. Her wedding is one month away. On top of it all, her wedding has built up a hefty price tag, all of which my mom is planning nearly on her own, and paying for.
Pissed off does not even begin to DESCRIBE how I feel about this.
To make matters worse, and setting aside all issues that me and my sister have had, I did want to be the bigger person and forgive what’s been done, so I still continued to have both sisters as bridesmaids in MY wedding in October. However, now that my sister will be married, she wants to get pregnant as soon as possible, and her appearance at my wedding is very questionable being that I’m getting married out of state. I don’t know how to feel about this… one the one hand I understand and am overjoyed that she’s decided to have kids, but on the other I really want the support from my family, and want her there for my day too. I’ll never have this day again, and this is important to me. It has been tearing me up inside. Is it selfish of me to want her there?
I’ve just recently been let go from my job and am unemployed and now have no means of providing for myself again. We’ve already booked our venue and now I’m really confused as to how I’m going to afford my wedding, let alone food, clothing, and shelter now that I lost my job!! It’s been a nightmare situation and I am panicking! How does a person handle all of this? I’m just really lost…. and don’t know what to do…
Also, my future mother in law (the mother of the groom) has clearly stated she does not want to dress up for our wedding. Is this acceptable???? I feel it’s somewhat degrading to us for her to not want to dress up for our special occasion! How do I communicate to her that she should at least wear something nice??? She’s also been very negative about things, such as always exaggerating how no one is going to show up to our wedding, how expensive it will be, etc…. HOW…do I deal with this???