(Closed) Overwhelmed, orphaned, and trying to plan a wedding

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 1
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Preservation Park, Oakland CA

Hi everyone,

I am about one month into wedding planning and I am already sitting here stressing and crying. This whole experience has proved to be much more involved than I ever expected. For some background, my fiance proposed last month and I have never been into the idea of having a wedding. However after he proposed and everyone was so excited for us and for our future wedding that I suddenly got caught up in the idea and the planning and experience etc. My parents both passed away when I was young so I do not have them to help me with any of the planning and paying. Our budget is very small, and I am starting to think there is no possible way we can afford a wedding outside of a very very small city hall wedding.

I really don’t know what I was thinking but I didn’t think about all the things we would need to arrange and pay for. Venue, catering, drinks, parking, photos, DJ, attire….for the cheapest options we are still looking at way way over our budget. Not to mention I had no idea the time drain all the planning would be. I already have a very demanding job and work schedule that leaves me very little free time so to add all this planning in is almost enough to send me over the edge. Our budget does not allow for hiring a wedding planner so it’s not an option to have someone else do the leg work. I didnt realize how difficult it would be to do this without the help of parents but each day I seem to understand that more and more. We got so excited that we’ve already been telling everyone the date we were thinking and our plans for a semi-small ceremony then a big reception and now I’m thinking I want to forget it all and just do a VERY small city hall ceremony and dinner with family afterwards. Thats it.

As I’m sitting here stressing I am thinking, is this how the whole next year is going to be if I continue on the planning path I’m already on? Me constantly stressed about money and time and arrangements? I’m still in the very early stages of the planning and wondering is this normal to feel? Should I stick it out and hope it all works out for the best or let everyone know sooner than later that we may just do something super tiny? If anyone has had experience with feeling this way while planning, trying to plan on a really small budget, or other people who are planning/have planned a wedding without the help of any parents, I would really like to hear your input because I want to find a way to make this all work but I’m feeling completely overwhelmed.

 

Thanks Bees!

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Post # 2
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

You don’t need to let anyone know anything, this is your and your fiance’s day, I don’t think anyone will bat an eyelid at your choice to have a smaller do.  My mum died 3 years ago and I don’t have a relationship with my dad, so it’s down to us to plan it ourselves, so we’ve gone all out to have the day we want. A bit more rustic, non religious, a but geeky and practical. Think about what YOU want, work out how to get it with your budget and try not to let their expectations sway your choices. Xx

Post # 3
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have two living parents, but they were abusive and toxic and so I have lived without them in my life since I was 19.  I was raised an only child, and while both parents had children before me, I never lived with any of them and at best, they are penpals, social media-only friends.  

H and I were together a very long time (18 years) before he was ready to propose and get married, and I’d forbidden myself from thinking about weddings and anything wedding-ish for a long time, because it just made me feel sad.  So when he DID propose, I found myself without much of an idea of what I’d want, and had no mother to go ask, no sisters, aunts, grandparents – all were either deceased or estranged.  

The only thing I knew was that H and I both wanted to be outside, and while I was fine with it, he vetoed a courthouse wedding.  We are not wealthy, and could not afford the types of weddings our friends had all had, with 30-200 guests, and H has social anxiety anyway (which was part of why he’d avoided anything that would lead to a wedding in the first place – he could not stand the idea of being in front of people).  And with me not haivng any family, it always made him feel more awkward.  And I felt weird, but my friends all stepped up and were my “family” for dress shopping and such.

We had one couple tell us to invest more in the honeymoon than the wedding – the wedding was so stressful they did not get to enjoy it, and they later wished they’d cut back on it and spent more on the week after.

While looking around in a few hundred mile radius (Texas is big, so that was still considered local), we realized that for what we’d spend to have an awkward ceremony anywhere friends and his family could try to come, we could go to where our friends honeymooned in the Caribbean, and stay one week AND get married while there, just us.  They went to Sandals, and after some research, we chose Couples Swept Away in Jamaica because the cost was less, the government fees and requirements were easier to meet than other Caribbean islands.  So for about $5000, including the room, round trip flight, wedding, officiant-minister, photographer, flowers, cake, and toast, and one of the most beautiful places you can ever go, we were able to take a “real” trip for the first time in our lives, AND we got married on day 3 of being there.

The wedding is about YOU nd your Fiance getting married, and saying your vows.  All other stuff is nice if you like it and can afford it, but really, all that matters is that you are getting married!  Yay!

Another note – my friend got engaged Christmas morning about 3 years back – I got a text on like the 27th of Dec., asking me” You wanna come to a wedding?”  He was deploying, and she didn’t want to have to wait, so they had a simple courthouse wedding with his family in tow, and me as her family (her dad is ill and lives 3 hours away, and her brother takes care of him).  I ran to the store before the wedding and made sure to buy her some simple flowers (her favorite are Peruvian lilies, our grocery store always has them), I wrapped them in a blue ribbon from the gift section, and handed her a penny when she got there.  I was like “these flowers are new, the ribbon is blue, your clothes you’ve had so they are your “old”, and this penny is for good luck and you’ll give it back, so that it’s been borrowed 🙂

She had been married once before and never did any of that, and got divorced.  Now, she’s still married.  ðŸ™‚  So as long as you’ve got the Old, new, borrow, blue, covred,  think you’re good 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
ericarenee427 :  You do you! It doesn’t matter if you’ve told people potential plans in passing conversation. Do your city hall wedding and dinner with family! You can always have a backyard potluck later on to cleebrate with a larger group if you want to. 

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