(Closed) overwhelming fear of death/anxiety

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can’t say that I’ve dealt with this, other than when something comes close to my windshield while driving, like a bug, or maybe a small piece of debris that comes up. A few years ago, a piece of retread from a tractor trailer tire smashed my w/s while I was driving fast on a crowded highway, and if it weren’t for my husband (then bf) being in the passenger seat, I would be dead, along with a lot of other people. Thankfully, the tire went off the road, into some woods, and no one else was affected (we had to sit on the side of the road for 2 hours waiting to be picked up and brought home).

So, because of that, anything that comes at me makes me flinch, and my heart goes into my throat, which I suspect may never go away. But, it doesn’t affect my driving.  I guess I’m ok with death, because I’m a life insurance agent, so I have to talk about it a lot.

My advice would be to talk to a therapist that deals with these types of things, so you can learn why you think this way, and what you can do to help cope with the feelings. Especially since it is affecting your life. Hopefully, you can find someone who can help you overcome without meds (I’m sure it can be done).

Post # 4
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Papillon23:  I think everyone (or most people) experiences something like this at some point or another. This was last winter to a T for me. I was driving myself crazy thinking about what will happen after, what will happen if the world ends, etc. It was a few months of questioning a lot of things and asking myself if I do believe in God and what do I believe in. It was hard, confusing, upsetting, scary, etc. The time passed and while I still have these thoughts randomly and occasionally, it’s not making me mad like it was before. I would say that seeing a therapist might not help you, but it may at least be a good person to tell your feelings to. Or maybe go to a spiritual advisor of some sort to talk about your questions and concerns. What you are going through is totally normal!

Post # 5
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My mother was killed by a drunk driver almost two years ago and I still have trouble driving down the street without thinking that someone out there is going to hurt me. I still drive though and just push through the anxiety because driving is a necessity for me. I have days where I fear for the lives of everyone I love but then I say a little internal prayer to help me cope. I’m not religious but voicing my concerns and asking for help helps me calm down and think about what I’m feeling. After I think it over I realize that I can either try and live a happy life or I can be a miserable shut-in. So, obviously, I choose to be happy. You may not have a lot of choices in life but you can choose how you cope with your emotions. 

Post # 6
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Papillon23:  I have dealt with something similar my entire life. the older I get the easier it is to deal with. I grew up seriously believing that I would never live past age 28. Why? I have no idea. I am currently 26, closer and closer to my death age but for some reason I dont think about it as much anymore. I have never been able to see myself growing old or even being an “adult”. However, in the past few years I feel more and more like I will make it past that age and that this might not be real. I know it sounds crazy to think I will die at a certain age but its how I truly felt. No one knows this except my sister. NOT even Darling Husband. 

It is interesting thatt you post this today because today was the first time in a long time that I felt that something really bad was going to happen to me. I was walking to the store (about 5 blocks) and all the traffic seemed really loud and I felt that everyone I walked by was looking at me. I got this overwhelming feeling that something very bad was going to happen to me. But, I continued my trip and made it home just fine. 

Since I met Darling Husband, my fear of my death became little and little and my fear of him dying became stronger. It has minimized though. Like I said, it used to be something that I thought of EVERY DAY but now its only periodically(weekly). 

I am sorry that you feel these awful feelings. I think it is a great idea to seek help. I have been trying to talk myself into seaking therapy for a very long time. I just cannot do it. You are a very strong person for doing this!!! I am sure it will pay off. Be well..

Post # 7
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You sound like me ๐Ÿ™‚ In fact, I could have written this post almost. I’ve been terrified of death/the afterlife since I was a little girl. They say I didn’t have the bad anxiety until a traumatic incident happened, but ever since then I’ve been a very anxious person. Especially in regards to death. If I see a movie that has anything to do with death/afterlife/eternity/heaven/hell/watever, I can get suddenly very freaked out. I am mostly afraid of what will happen if there is nothing after this. That scares me more than Heaven or Hell.

One of the things that helps calm me down a little bit is something that I heard going through RCIA in the Catholic Church. Fr. Michael Himes was explaining how death isn’t the end, but the beginning. I had heard this many times before, but he then likened it to a baby being born. Leaving the soft warm womb, the only life its ever known, and being forced through some small opening towards a strange light. The infant would surely think “this is death. I’m dying!” But if we could speak to that infant, we would say “don’t be afraid, the world you’re being born into is so much more amazing than you could imagine.” I don’t know if that is a comfort to you at all, but it makes me feel better. 

I applaud you for seeking professional help on this. With the love and support of my husband I have calmed down considerably, but I still hope to get professional help when we have a bit more money to do so. Good luck, my dear and big {{hugs}}

 

Post # 8
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@swanks4tw:  you sound similar to me! I remember watching Gandhi one time and thinking that so many people have died since then and so many people died before then too. And it really freaked me out. I can’t deal with the thought of eternity at all. I really like that quote you posted. That makes me feel better ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@swanks4tw:  that is a really good way of looking at it, thanks for posting!!

Post # 10
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

So, not only can I identify with everything you wrote… reading your post sent me into that mild panic mode with chills running down my spine and paralyzing fear. Augh.

I didn’t used to be like this, but after a series of traumatic events in 2009 it became a HUGE thing in my life. I’m also a worrier and have huge tendency to obsess over things to the point of paranoia. I know I need some professional help, too, but after my first “break” episode where I had a full-on panic attack about this I saw a therapist who honestly only made it worse and I’ve been afraid to go back since then.

To cope… I try to think about all the good things in my life. I try to keep busy, especially. I exercise a LOT which curbs my stress and anxiety – in fact, the less I exercise nowadays, the more anxious I feel and the worse I sleep. So try joining a class or hitting the gym or just going on walks a few times a week.

Also, in the moment when I have a panic attack or start to feel those thoughts/feelings coming on I try to immediately distract myself. I’ve found repetitive computer games help the most (big fan of Diner Dash type time management) or fun, light-hearted sitcoms.

Take yourself out of the moment with something fun and then put yourself to work doing something.

Post # 11
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

PitBulLover and MrsSl82beYou’re welcome. It’s something that gives me peace, and I love to share peace when I can ๐Ÿ™‚

I also have to agree with jocember, working out regularly has helped a lot with my anxiety. I didn’t realize how much it improved my mood until Darling Husband and I started working out every day. Even if it wasn’t helping me lose weight, I think I’d continue to go every day just for my emotional health. 

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