Overwhelming FMIL and mom-son dance

posted 2 years ago in Reception
Post # 31
408 posts
Helper bee

ladymarian :  First of all, I am sorry for your loss. And I’m glad to see from your update that you guys are working out a compromise. To answer your question, many weddings I’ve been to recently have still featured a father/daughter and mother/son dance as well as the couple’s first dance. Although IMO there is nothing wrong with omitting them and plenty of people do.  

TBH I think some of the bees have been a bit harsh on you. Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things a person can go through in life, especially around the time of your wedding when you had imagined having that person there with you. It is your and your FI’s wedding day and if having a staged mother-son dance is going to have you in tears missing your father, IMO that is something Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law should be willing to compromise on. If something happened to FI’s mom and my first dance with my dad would cause him grief, I would absolutely omit the dance if necessary to avoid making things harder on him. 

It doesn’t sound like your Future Mother-In-Law was intending to hurt you, more that she was just excited that she found a song for the mother-son dance. However, IMO she could have been more sensitive and asked your Fiance if you guys were planning to do the dances and let him know that she had a suggestion for the song if so. 

Post # 32
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ladymarian :  We had a father/daughter dance and mother/son dance at ours. 

I haven’t read all of the replies yet so Im not sure if this has been suggested yet, but at my friends wedding she danced with her sister. She also lost her dad to cancer and her now husband had a dance with his mom and then she danced with her sister to a song that reminded them of their dad. It was beautiful and she was so happy she was still able to have that dance. 

Post # 33
1142 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

ladymarian :  if it makes you feel any better it sounds like this was probably just a lapse in judgement by your Future Mother-In-Law. Doesn’t sound like she was intentionally trying to upset you. And she loves you so she’ll probably be mortified to know she hurt you so I’m sure she’ll understand when your Fiance tells her you’re skipping that tradition but he’ll save her a dance to her song. 

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