(Closed) Painful even at penetration. feel like failure. . doctor's says it's normal

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You need to stretch yourself out down there. It doesn’t have to be sexual at all, but like PP said, start with one finger, then two. If nothing has been down there, then obviously it’s going to be extremely painful.

Post # 32
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: dont know

You two need to use alot of foreplay. Do “wild” things that turn you on mentally.  I sometimess have pain during sex and it’s because I’m small (my whole body is small so naturally I’m not going to have a huge vag lol.)  I used to have this problem too, tell him to slow down and just enjoy making out, dont make sex a chore or an obligation whatever you do.  It’ll never be enjoyable if you feel that way about it.

Post # 33
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
katiecat08:  Google ”vaginismus”… I used to have the exact same problem. The pain is due to you being nervous, and you’re contracting your muscles ”down there” which is making it painful. It’s a scary pain (I know), but it’s honestly just muscle spasming, and once you learn to relax, it won’t be painful at all. I suggest ordering some different sized ”dildos” online, starting from the smallest one and practising inserting it while thinking of things that make you feel turned on/safe and happy. Because of this problem, I didn’t have sex for 6 years with any of my serious boyfriends, and I felt like a total failure.. and I finally googled it, discovered that it’s a condition called ”vaginismus”, and after ”practising” with the dildos I was able to overcome it and start to enjoy sex immensly. So.. don’t worry.. many women do have this problem, and it’s brave of you to open up 🙂 Once I started practising relaxing, it only took about 2-3 weeks before my ex and I were able to have sex and for it to be enjoyable for me. Show this post to your husband if it’ll make him feel better.. and dont’worry, you’ll overcome it 🙂 

Post # 34
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Also, I agree with all the previous posters about a glass of wine, just taking time ”getting to know” each other’s bodies, figuring out what turns you on, etc.. just relaxing and letting it happen 🙂

If you’ve already been seen by a doctor and you know there’s nothing actually physically wrong, it’s just literally tensed nerves. Weddings are stressful, having sex for the first time is stressful, moving out of your room for the first time is stressful…you just need some time to adjust, some time to ”get used” to it all, and what I wrote above.

Post # 35
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
katiecat08:  

Get a sex toy. Learn to enjoy yourself so you can enjoy sex.

I think a lot of it might be in your head as well, so try to relax and tell yourself that being sexual is good and healthy and fun and awesome.

And did I mention getting a sex toy? Heehee :3

Also… Your hubs seems kind of childish and unsupportive… Ask him if he’d like to have an impatient person stick something rather large in places that haven’t been visited before and see how he’d like it. But then, you know, I guess he could always get surgery done to open himself up more so it would fit…

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