Post # 1
I’ve been married for about a month. We were both virgins when we got married. We have had sex at least once every 2 days apart from during my period, but it is generally painful for me. We play first and I always use lube. We use condoms, I’m not on any birth control. Any tips?
We have only managed to have sex with him on top. I tried a few times on top near the start but gave up because it was sore and haven’t tried again because now I’ve got it in my head that it won’t work. Tips for that appreciated too.
Post # 2
I would see your OB if it keeps happening, because it might be you are alergic to latex in condoms. That is my case. Doctor would prescribe different type of contraception.
Post # 3
When is the last time you had a pelvic exam?
Post # 4
anonyabeille : I was once given Estrace which helped. Try also using lube with an applicator to get it in deep
Post # 5
allenb : okay, I’ll bear this in mind. I guess I will see if it hurts less not using combos – hopefully in a few months we will stop using them when I know I’ve ovulated, but for other health reasons we need to use them always for the next few months.
macpartyoftwo : I had one just before getting married. All was well.
gr8tful4friendships : thanks I’ll look into that
Post # 6
Having the man on top, especially if he’s an inexperienced man, can make it very hard to control the depth and angle of penetration, which are factors that can influence pain. Have you tried lying on your side with your back to him, and having him penetrate you from behind? It gives you a lot more control over how things go and it’s also a good position for him to give you manual clitoral stimulation, which can relax you and loosen muscles you didn’t even know were tense, further reducing pain.
Also, I’d go to a doctor and make sure your hymen has been fully broken. Some women have an usually thick and strong hymen that stays partially or fully intact even after sex, and in that case it can continue to cause pain during intercourse. It’s a simple procedure to fix that if need be.
Post # 7
Also, try getting a dildo (not a vibrator, since you’re trying to simulate realistic sex here) and experiment with what does and doesn’t hurt. Make a note of what angles, positions, depths and speeds feel good to you and which ones don’t and communicate that to your husband. If he can participate in this experiementation, all the better.
Post # 8
Did your obgyn assess for vaginismus during your exam?
Post # 9
anonyabeille : wait a few days until you’re not sore. Then have him use his fingers, starting with one then increasing to two, to penetrate you very slowly and gently while rubbing your clit and using lots of lube. After about 20 mins you can decide if you’re ready for sex or want to try again the next day. You being on top is definitely better because you can control how deep he enters you. You can literally just use the tip for a few minutes to get acclimated to his size. Then you can start to inch your way down but stop and go back to having less of him inside you if you experience any pain. If you need to stop, that’s fine. You can use your hands or mouth if you want to finish the job. You body remembers and tightens up if you’ve had a painful sexual experience. You need to enjoy his fingers or tip inside of you so your body can remember that and not tense up during sex. If you’re not relaxed then sex can be very very painful.
Post # 10
Sex was extremely painful for me when I first started with my husband. I finally ended up in physical therapy with severe hypertension in my pelvic floor muscles which surround the vagina. After daily yoga stretches, massages and kegel exercises, I’ve been able to have pain free sex.
Post # 11
anonyabeille : When I first became sexually active, it was very painful for a LONG time. No lie – each time we had sex, it was like losing my virginity again. Ouch. But it’s only been 1 month, so you guys are still learning. Each time will be progressively less painful then the last, and you’ll start to learn how to pleasure each other. Go slow, use lots of lube, spend lots of time on foreplay.
And you may want to take a break for more than 2 days so you can heal a bit.
Post # 12
Thank you all for your advice! I guess I just needed to be patient, month two has been much less painful.