(Closed) Painted self into corner re: BMs, now how do I tell her?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Is there a reason you can’t have both of them stand up with you?

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If you don’t really care about the friendship, you can tell girl #2 that your Fiance changed his mind about having a bridal party but you want to keep the bridal party extremely small.  Being excluded from a bridal party of one isn’t nearly as hurtful as being excluded from a bridal party of 15, and if your friend is stable, she will understand.

If you really care about the friendship,  you can add both bridesmaids and it will look fine.  Two bridesmaids and one groomsman isn’t going to look terribly unbalanced or like a huge wedding party.   I would just keep everything really low key by telling your bridesmaids to wear whatever dresses they like, and not requiring hair or makeup or anything else from them.  I had a bridesmaid who was in her third trimester and not feeling well, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by cutting her from the bridal party, so all she did was walk down the aisle.  It worked out fine.I realize your FH may not like this, but he should realize that he caused part of the problem by initially vetoing a bridal party and then changing his mind.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ah, your reply was posted a few seconds before my post.  If girl #2 is not supportive of your marriage, then you have a good reason to exclude her from the wedding party.  Frankly, if she isn’t supportive of your marriage and was lukewarm about doing a reading, then I think it is best to just cut her and keep the other two attendants.  Just tell or email her that you are planning on having a tiny bridal party, since you don’t want her to feel like you deliberately lied to her as an excuse for not asking her to be a bridesmaid.  

Post # 7
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Do you even have to tell her? If she’s that good a friend then you should be able to say “Hey, we’ve discussed it and have made some changes to the bridal party, I just wanted to let you know. You’re still good to do a reading through right?” and leave it at that. 

Post # 8
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with @littlemissmoo‘s way of phrasing it. In addition, if she seems upset/asks about it, you could tell her that you 1) know she can’t make it early and didn’t want to ask her to change her plans, and 2) chose two people who you and your Fiance are BOTH close to.

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