(Closed) Pang of envy…

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you are feeling this way! It is hard to see people getting married around you when you are ready. And I’m sure hearing the "your time will come" thing isn’t much comfort. You are not alone and there are many girls out there in the same boat. I wish you the best of luck! <<Hugs!!!>>

Post # 4
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I know how you feel!  Before my husband and I ever got engaged, I just felt like he was taking soooooooooooooo long and all my friends had these great guys who were just proposing left and right, while my guy was just biding his time.

 

Some men are more prone to really wait on the engagement front.  My husband, for example, had this timeline for his life, and he was very set on it.  He imagined meeting the right girl around age 28, and marrying her around age 32-33.  Well, he’s 25, and we met when we were 18.  Obviously I through a little wrench into his plans!  It took him a long time to recognize that his timeline might not be the only way his life could go.

 

Needless to say, he (finally) proposed and we’re (finally) married!  And it was totally worth the wait!   

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Everyone has a different timeline.  I was like your friend.  My husband and I got engaged very quickly and lots of people looked at us sideways.  We actually had a longer engagement than courtship!  We dated each other for 9 months (7 of which were exclusive) and were engaged for 1 year.  We’ve been married for a little over two months now and very happy.   Whereas my sister (who is younger) dated her boyfriend for 4 years before he proposed and were engaged for 11 months.  Everyone has a different timeline.  If you love each other and are a planning a future together which includes marriage then dont worry it will happen sooner rather than later.

Post # 7
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I COMPLETELY empathize with you  on this!!! Darling Husband and I dated 5.5 years before we got engaged.  SOOOO many people were asking me "when are you guys getting married???"  and I really wanted to – but Darling Husband wasn’t ready at that time.  I got really depressed about it.  Not to mention ALL of the weddings we went to before we were engaged…with not even a hint of an engagement in the works!  It was SOOO hard.

Then, when he did propose, we were engaged for 2 years!! It was a long haul.  But I had the best time planning.  We had a wedding that many of our friends have since told me was what they wished they would have had.  It was beautiful and perfect for us!

Believe it or not, I’m TRULY happy that Darling Husband waited as long as he did.  I never gave him an ultimatum, I never threatened to leave – he decided all on his own that HE wanted to marry ME!!! It still makes me ecstatic when I think about it.   I have no doubts that he proposed for the right reason – he was TRULY ready and we have a really healthy, strong marriage because of it.  So my (unsolicited) advice is to wait (as patiently as possible) if you know he is the one.  Because, in time, he will realize it too.  And your engagement/marriage will be so much sweeter than if he is pressured into. ๐Ÿ™‚

Good Luck and just remember not to waste the time that you have together now sulking and feeling low.  YOu are lucky to have found this great guy…remind him why he should want to marry you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can relate. My Fiance and I had been dating for 10 years (at the time) and still no ring when all this happened in 2007:

1. His stepbrother’s girlfriend got pregnant and they got married 4 months later

2. His other brother eloped with his girlfriend of 8 years

3. His sister (and my best friend) got engaged…for the 2nd time! (first one didn’t work out)

I was so depressed! Going to shower after shower. Getting asked ‘so when are you two finally getting married?’ Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in! Plus when we did get engaged, everyone was like ‘It’s about time!"

Post # 9
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If it’s any consolation to you, when I started feeling the way you do (my guy took a little bit of time too, but not too much) I just kept reminding myself of a couple of years ago, when I had to deal with all these other people’s stupid weddings and I had NO ONE, versus now when I had a fulfilling mature relationship that was at least HEADED in the right direction ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.

EngagedtoPanda- that was some good advice! I haven’t waited years like some other women, but I DO remember when I had to hear those "When are you getting married?" questions and I wasn’t dating anyone seriously. You are right. It’s better to hear that question in a great relationship headed in the right direction. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I totally know what you mean. I was in a weird two-way timing envy thing with my roommate for a while, because she and her Fiance got engaged after dating for a year, in Sept 2007 (we had just had our 2 year dateaversary) but we got engaged in Feb 2008, then married in Dec 2008 and they are getting married this August. It was so bizarre, because we each were jealous of each other’s timing, but it worked out best for each of us… my husband and I had a much more "stable" relationship (before they got engaged, every fight was a near-breakup, even though I was pretty sure they never actually would) so we didn’t need the quick engagement, and we also were planning a much smaller and more inexpensive wedding, so we didn’t need as much time to plan.

The ones that REALLY bugged me were the cute little couples who couldn’t keep their pants on (went to a Christian college, lots of these kids) and so got married after 6-12 months of being in a relationship, and claimed that their way was more Christian or whatever. We did the whole waiting thing too but we did it for THREE YEARS. That’s hard, and hearing that you were just "inviting temptation" the whole time and should count yourselves lucky that you didn’t suddenly find yourselves naked and locked in a room together with a bottle of lube.

I always consoled myself by thinking that because we had so much longer to work on our relationship before we got married, we’re going to have a much easier first few years of marriage. Then I got pregnant. ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh the irony.

Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can definitely sympathize, peakay. My Fiance and I dated for 4 1/2 years before he proposed. We had talked about it for a long time, and everyone knew that’s where we were headed. We just weren’t there yet.

Eight months earlier, my friend who had been dating a guy for 8 months got engaged. I was really happy for her but had to overcome feelings of "that should have been me". Then, three months later, FI’s younger sister got engaged. That was a little harder to deal with at the time. 

Now, five months later, I couldn’t be happier for them (and myself). The only problem is, they are both planning summer weddings for next year, so I have to wait two years for my summer wedding.

The bonus? I get lots of advice, bridal magazines, and support from the girls who are getting hitched first.=)

Just remember, he is worth the wait!

 

Post # 13
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Gosh, I TOTALLY understand this.  FH and I have been together for nearly 6 years (known each other for nearly 10), and his brother and his gf are due to be engaged soon — and they have known each other AND been dating for a grand total of 3 years.  We also JUST got engaged.  Part of me feels "cheated", so I have to remind myself to let it go on a daily basis. 

Post # 14
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I was there too…  we’ve been together almost 3 years and JUST got engaged…  I really don’t understand what goes on in their minds…  we would have discussion after discussion and it always ened with him saying "We’re going to get married… just not yet."  And I had no idea why he wanted to wait.  In my mind, if he knew he wanted to marry me, what on earth was he waiting for?!?!  I still don’t now what he was waiting for, and maybe I will never know.  But I do know that it was definitely worth the wait! 

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hey there! Don’t worry.  I was in the same boat as you until a month ago. I’ve been with my Fiance for 3 years and many of my friends and his have gotten engaged and married during those 3 years. And I thought what is wrong with me or us that we haven’t done this yet.  But I’m glad we waited. In my Fiance words, "we are a fine wine that needed more aging" he is so funny at times!

Keep smiling and when others ask you when the day is coming just smile and say we will see. Don’t vent to them about how your upset it hasn’t happened yet. When I finally quit worrying about it that’s when it happened.  He was so excited it was really sweet and cute!

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