- 4 months ago
Basically as in writing this I just woke up ..panicking in a sweat. I have bad anxiety anyways but breakups are some of the worst. so I felt it was best to ask some advice. I dont want to write a huge long paragraph so I’ll list my problem i bullets . I just need some advice that what I did was the right thing .
1. We were together 6 years, I’m 32 he us 31
2. He moved from Ecuador 8 years ago with his mom . His dad passed away a few years ago , they were already divorced about 15 years ago. He says his mom is like a sister to him (she had him when she was 15) and they’re very close
3. My boyfriend lives in a ond bed room apartment with his mom , he has citizenship but his mom doesnt. She only has a green card /or Visa. Shr renews every year
*she doesn’t pay rent and he pays all the bills, he works full time . She quits jobs after 6 months but works less than part time . He sleeps on mattress on floor in living room and she gets the bedroom and just bought a big TV and new bed frame and blankets.
*I want to get married but he always says he needs to be more financially secure (I have never told him I expected him to take care if me , I have a well paying full time job ) he says he wants the same things but cant tell me when . Last time I brought it up again he started crying , slamming his fist down , saying he was being pulled in so many directions, then suddenly lashed out , turned a 180 into angry , called my selfish and said everything was about me and that maybe we should go on a break . I left the house a little bit , came back and he was calmed down . I said I just want to know its somewhere in the future. That I’m not hanging around for something you don’t want. He has never ever brought up marriage first , only me
*he has a hard time with empathy or me being sad. When my cat passed away he said he was going to stay home that weekend because he didnt want the depression to spread to him and his mom..he doesnt remember saying that but I do
*he flips very quick when confronted, he cannot handle being wrong and he is extremely competitive
*we cant live together , probably forever. Unless she gets married (after having no boyfriends for 15 years) or I move in with both of them. Which would consist of me and him splitting the bills for a 2 bedroom and her still living bill and rent free. So I’d be paying 2 bedroom price to live in one of the bedrooms . Or we get an apartment together and he takes on another rent for his mom to live by herself. Rent free. Which he cannot afford at all o his own. He just started apartment realtor
*so i live alone in my own apartment now
*his mom has not saved up any .
So I broke up a couple days ago . I told him it still bothered me how upset he got about marriage to me . That we both needed space to figure out what we both wanted without pressure from the other . They his hesitance had given me doubts, especially after 6 years of telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Etc . He said he understood and wouldn’t be mad
*very next day , single on Facebook and unfollowed on Instagram. I’m sure this was just for the healing …
*we broke up once 4 months ago and I told him these same things and he said he had been looking for a ring for a few months ..as if I should feel stulidcand I’m the bad guy… it now I know that was a lie. Because forward to present , he still couldn’t committ to Marriage. Not even marriage . just an engagement. He thinks I want things right now and I just want a promise that he wants this too and I’m not being strung along . When we first met he told me he wanted marriage and kids and now I feel I learned the real truth, but it was unfair to lead me on
My anxiety is so bad because I feel like I made the wrong decision, I gave up mr soul mate , please if you have any advice , or words to help or experience, let me know. I’m really having a hard time. He isn’t not a bad person but I feel like these talks have caused him to change his feelings some . Like throwing tiny insults here and there…like joking I laugh like a chimpanzee. He was asking what animal we would be and I told him a little monkey because hes always grabbing my boobs . He thought I was saying he was like a monkey who threw s*hit everywhere…