(Closed) Panic Attacks – Trauma of previous called-off wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Normally I dislike the idea of two weddings, but your circumstances are very unique, and I can see why this would be really hard for you, so I have two suggestions…

1. Go to the courthouse and get married NOW. You can still have the ceremony/reception you’ve planned, but hopefully minus the panic attacks and actually being able to enjoy it since the two of you will have already legally committed yourself to one another. Do you think that would help all the issues you’re experiencing?

2. And I know it gets suggested a lot around here, but that’s for a good reason…counseling. Find a place that offers a sliding scale – if you can afford a wedding, you can afford to get help for these serious issues you’re dealing with that are affecting your happiness and everyday life.

Post # 4
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This does sound like PTSD. It is way more common than people think. EMDR is incredibly effective at treating this in a fairly short period of time. I know you think you can’t afford counseling, but a lot of clinicians work on a sliding scale and would treat you despite your ability to pay up front. There is also an EMDR self-help book called “Getting Past Your Past.” I can’t vouch for it personally, but it’s supposed to be good.

Post # 5
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I agree, can you just up and get married right now?  Then you could think about having a reception later, if you can handle it (but could put off the planning for now).  If it still freaks you out, skip the reception, you got to marry your awesome Fiance and you saved a boatload of money.  Hopefully your Fiance would understand and not be too sad about missing out on the wedding.

Post # 8
397 posts
Helper bee

Does Fiance know your having panic attacks and why you might be having them?  Are you worried he will call it off too?  I could see where that would bring on anxiety issues!

Post # 11
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@abrideinpanicmode: I second the suggestion for sliding scale counseling. 

Another thing: are you absolutely sure that you’re ready for marriage and that this guy’s the right one for you? It’s possible that this is trauma from the past relationship or PTSD, but it’s just as possible that your gut is telling you that you’re not ready or that you’re not wholly satisfied with this relationship. How would you feel about postponing the wedding or even postponing the engagement if that is what you need to do? If your fiance is truly as lovely as he sounds, he should be supportive of you taking the time you need to work through this. One thing’s for sure–you can’t just ignore these panic attacks. Your body is telling you that you need something, whether it’s to heal from your past relationship or even to step back from your current one.

I wish you the best of luck with this journey.

Post # 12
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Can you get hitched at the courthouse NOW and then have the party? Maybe the panic will subside if you are already legally married and know he isn’t going to run away from that. Then the party will be just a party.

eta: saw your previous answers. Still think it’s an option, or at the very least you should try to get married, in a church, with both of your parents, ASAP, and save any kind of party for later. Sometimes the only way out is through, and you have the power to make “through” happen now.

Post # 13
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I 2nd..3rd? secretly eloping.  Don’t tell anyone! Then you can still have the ceremony & reception with the family in October.  It might help put you at ease?

Post # 14
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would suggest eloping, perhaps with a few guests, and calling off the big wedding.  It’s just not worth what it’s doing to you!

Post # 15
4925 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As a PTSD/Anxiety sufferer, I’m going to suggest that you work on self talk. Sit down and write out all the things you’re afraid are going to happen. “He’s going to call off the wedding”. Fact, it’s very unlikely. The majority of weddings are not called of. True, it has happened before. But that has NO bearing on if it may or may not happen again. If it did happen again, you have lived through it. You are made of strong enough stuff.

Write out the worst case scenario, than really think about what’s most likely, and what you can, and can’t do about any of it. It is not helpful to sit and ruminate over and over, “what if what if what if” , and I get that you can’t really help that. Who wouldn’t? But every time you catch yourself thinking the worst, STOP and say to yourself that it’s not going to happen this time, you got through it before, and read over the list of what’s realistic. 

Post # 16
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@abrideinpanicmode:  I wish you well. That’s cool that EMDR worked, I’ve heard of it, just haven’t known anyone who used that treatment.

So, you said that you have to get married in a church. It seems to me that your immediate family would understand if you and your Fiance just up and got married in your church, for the reasons you cite. What if your mom and dad were there? Would that be good enough for them? (Still have the Big Ceremony and Etc later)

Honestly, it seems fairly rigid of you to not be able to change your plans in order to address your panic. But then, I know nothing about how churches work.

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