- 4 years ago
Hi Bees, guess what? I’M GETTING MARRIED IN FOUR DAYS.
As exciting as this is, and as overjoyed as I am to marry the love of my life, I am SO UNBELIEVABLY STRESSED.
I suppose being an anxious introvert with an unprecise brain not made for planning is a really bad recipe for trying to put together a 100 guest wedding, and believe me, I’ve thought often about eloping and washing my hands of all the stress. But here we are, about to be married and trying to handle 100 people all in one go!
I’ve been feeling like I’m on the verge of a breakdown for months now, mostly because I feel that this should be such an important, exciting, joyful moment in my life, but all I feel is anxious and stressed all the time. I feel like I’m going to be so worried about everything going smoothly that I won’t get to enjoy this important day with my new husband. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not worried so much about how things look. I couldn’t care less if the decor looks shit or my hair goes wrong or the rain (yes, it’s forecast to rain at our outdoor wedding. Thank the good Lord we had the sense to hire a last minute tent) washes the fabric dye out of my dress. I just want guests to be comfortable and to enjoy the celebration with us. My greatest fears have revolved around people getting bored during our hour-long ceremony, feeling uncomfortable with religious aspects of the day, getting unhappy and leaving early because of the rain, the sound equipment not working and people not being able to dance or enjoy themselves… etc. etc. etc. My head won’t stop buzzing with imagined disasters.
There’s so much still to do, and though many family members and friends have offered their help, there have been one or two moments during our wedding planning journey when we’ve attempted to take them up on their offers and people have been a little flakey. My fiance is doing his utmost to help and relieve my stress as much as possible, but he isn’t as empathetic as me, and thoughts like ‘do we have enough knives and forks?’ don’t even occur to him. I’ve been feeling a little like I’m weathering the storm on my own, trying to navigate a huge ship through a churning ocean with no previous experience of being a captain. :/
So if anyone has any words of advice, calming mantras, or reccommendations for a good tranquiliser (that last one was a joke) I will welcome them with open arms.