- 3 months ago
I’m losing my mind. My anxiety is on ten 100% of the time and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been engaged since August. We planned our wedding for January 19, 2019. Everything is basically done. I need a dress and a florist and that’s pretty much it besides little loose ends.
For the last third of 2017, I had been having lots of reproductive issues. I period mysteriously vanished. I was told that I would likely not be able to have children. I started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist and he started testing for all the things. I was placed on only active birth control pills so as to avoid getting my “period” and all of the pain that came along with it. It turnes out that my cervix had scarred shut and during my “period”, I was bleeding in reverse, through my tubes and into my pelvic cavity, which was incredibly painful. This started in August and was corrected surgically by the reproductive endocrinologist in December. I got my first period since JULY on January 2nd and we popped champagne because this means that I was still able to have children!
We planned to TTC after our wedding, of course. We had our bachelor/bachelorette parties planned (his in Costa Rica and mine in Puerto Rico), we had an annual trip to Mexico right before Christmas, and we were planning Thailand for our Honeymoon. Since we don’t currently live together, we were also planning to get our own place in April when his lease is up.
But now I’m pregnant. I know it’s a blessing, considering everything I’ve been through in the last several months regarding my fertility but I’m really struggling with this. I was panicking because I didn’t think we would be able to do wedding, apartment, and baby (let alone bachelor/ette paries and honeymoon). Fiance didn’t seem to be worried at all (he makes good money, has been promoted this year and is on track for a second promotion, hopefully in Q2) but the numbers just weren’t adding up for me.
Thankfully, our families have been really supportive and my mom offered to have us move in with her so we can save money, still have the wedding we planned, and help with the baby so that we can just buy a house next year. Everyone is super excited for us but I’m just not. I wanted to just live some more. I wanted it to just be he and I for a while and now, the first time we live together is going to be with my mom, brother, and a newborn? I just feel super stressed out. I’m worried that there’s going to be conflict between my mom and myself. I’m worried he’s going to be uncomfortable living with my family. Understandably, this is a lot to take on for him as he’s been living on his own for 4 or 5 years now. He’s truly grateful that my mom has offered her home to us, as am I but I’m really concerned.
I also don’t have a dress! I’m thinking that I’m going to have to buy one within the next few weeks in a larger size and then have it fitted after the baby is born. Has anyone else ever gone through this? Any advice on how to cope with my life or what to do about my dress. I just feel like I’m constantly on the verge of tears and always super anxious. I’ve eaten less since finding out that I’m pregnant than before when I was just shedding for the wedding. I’m just panick-stricken. Thanks for reading and sorry for rambling. Any advice is appreciated. <3