(Closed) PANICKING after putting down venue deposit-Should we elope?

posted 4 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Should we elope?

    yes

    no

  • Post # 2
    Member
    765 posts
    Busy bee

    I vote for eloping. There’s lots of ways to share the day with friends and relatives without them actually being here. Video, live broadcast, there’s ways. People that have eloped that I know often view their video with people at a home or church party with cake and things like punch. I love those parties 🙂

    I know that weddings are a very special day,but the problem for me with spending that much on one day is that most of it is a one shot deal. If something isn’t right or what you are happy with, then that’s pretty much it.

    Elopments can be beautiful and wonderful, and a lot less stress. Nothing wrong with a courthouse wedding either 🙂

    Post # 3
    Member
    7679 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    gracie553 :  I didn’t vote.  You didn’t give much information about what you and your Fiance really want.  Do you want a huge traditional wedding?  I saw your other post, it looks like your dad is terminal, I’m sorry about that.  Did you want him at your wedding?  If you elope, then he won’t be part of it-right?  Do you want it fancy?-If so, could you make it more intimate-less people?, Or would you rather a larger, but more laid back wedding?  What are the two or 3 priorities for both you and your FI?  What would you be okay with spending?  What type of food do you want to serve?  A full sit-down dinner, a buffet, or cake and punch?  Is serving alcohol important?  Would you be happy with a dry wedding? Give us an idea of what is important, and what you wouldn’t mind leaving out.  We definitely need more information! 😉

    Post # 4
    Member
    1185 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    You are right to have a bad gut feeling about this.  Youre already $100k in debt and you want to add to that for a luxury (yes, a big wedding us a luxury not a right)? Girl no. You have to be realistic about your circumstances. You cannot afford a wedding right now.  Just because you can get approved for a loan does not mean you can afford it.  Money is the #1 cause of divorce so please don’t start your marriage out like this. Either wait til you can afford this kind of wedding or elope.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3607 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    gracie553 :  I think eloping or getting married with just immediate family present sounds like a good solution given your financial situation. You’re already $100k in debt and it sounds like it’ll be an uphill battle for you to pay it off, so no reason to add $16k to your debt load over a wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5018 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I just backed out of my 130 person (30k) wedding after putting down a deposit on the venue.  Instead we decided on a 20 person (10-12k) destination wedding in St. Pete Beach, FL.  I feel SO much better with this decision.  Going into debt is not worth it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2332 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think a LOT of people jump into the pre-programed idea of the wedding only to back out once they realize how much that wedding actually costs.

    SO, when we initially discussed what kind of wedding we wanted, said he wanted the big traditional thing. Only later did he say he could see eloping the way I had described I wanted – destination spot, with only 3-5 people for each of us, a meaningful, intimate ceremony, and small party with those people, then off to honeymoon. Then a fancy party with all of our friends a month after the actual ceremony as the milestone marker.

    Instead of spending 25-40k on a wedding + 5-10K on a honeymoon, we could spend 5K on the destination flights/ceremony/stay, a further 15K on a nice honeymoon, then 5K on a big fancy party for friends, and still have saved a ton of money!

    My dream would go something like this: we want to honeymoon in New Zealand, so we’d need to get married in the winter. Destination wedding with 6-10 people in Hawaii (I know, cliche, but en route to New Zealand!), spend a night or two there with them, then fly to NZ for our 2 weeks of honeymoon, then back home for a week or two, then BAM big snowy party up in the mountains with all of our friends. No gifts, just a big party to mark the occassion for all of us. 

    I definitely think this is a better route for you, especially considering your debt already. I only have 20K debt TOTAL and SO has NONE — and his family would probably pay for our wedding and gift us a honeymoon, and we are still thinking about going this route.

    It would be the only option if we were in your boat. And it is a really great option! Once you take the wedding label off events, it’s amazing how mucy more budget-friendly throwing a party becomes. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    This is why Fiance and I decided on a Weddingmoon! When it was going to be said and done for our “small” 40 person (which quickly started to turn into more like 60 or 70 due to both having very large families) wedding that we wanted to keep well under $10k, we nixed everything and booked a cruise! Best decision ever. Counting down the days! 

    Post # 11
    Member
    984 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I vote for either eloping, or doing an immediate-family only courthouse ceremony and taking your family out for a nice dinner afterwards. As nice as it would be to have a huge, fancy wedding, in the end it just isn’t worth it if you can’t actually afford it.

    Another thing you can consider is a semi-destination wedding. You can rent out an inn or something like that, have it a couple hours away from Charleston or somewhere where it’s cheaper, and only invite a small amount of people.

    Either way you decide, I would just suggest keeping it to whatever you can afford. Going into more debt is not a good way to start your lives together.

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