(Closed) Paranoid FI is cheating. Help!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 151
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think there’s any point confronting him, because he will just deny everything and get even better at covering his tracks.

I would check the phone record of texts and calls, and yeah probably follow him when he goes out on a run and if he sees you make out you’re all surprised to see him and like ”I just thought I’d run out to the store to pick up some x while you were out running”.

Post # 152
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Guys, I hate to sound like the crazy one here… but what about OP just says to her Fiance: “Hey, so are you cheating on me with Lauren? Please tell me honestly. If you are I would like to cancel this wedding and I’m sure you would too. If you aren’t, I really am uncomfortable with how much time you are spending with her. Please do not see her anymore without me.”

Is this a thing? Can she just be completely honest with him and ask him straight out?

Post # 153
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

As someone who has dated a person that would never admit guilt til he was 100% caught I agree you should wait til you can get more info. I knew for weeks something was up, gut feeling that he wasn’t acting right, and it wasn’t until I found the texts via his ipad that I knew I was right and even then he tried to deny it and I was sure he was deleting texts after I confronted him. So make sure you have enough info to make a decision before you even bring it up.

I would be more concerned that all the emails were deleted except one.. who deletes a conversation unless there’s something innappropriate? very odd. Also is it normal for him to be emailing people as a communication? I only use email for business so the only reason I’d use email to communicate with someone personally is if I didn’t want it to be looked at.. you’d be a lot less likely to check emails then texts!

I know it probably sounds a little coocoo but I would definitely follow him on his jog, or as someone else suggested, try and get the gf on the phone to place her at home. If you have a feeling something is off it almost always is. 

Post # 154
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

kcoast:  yes! This! This is exactly how in would handle this.

This whole situation seems fishy to me. Whispering in the ear? Its a picture in a gallery,what is there to whisper about? Going on a run longer than usual and not looking like you ran?Seriously,no way. Snoop!!!! Best wishes girly

Post # 155
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

Sorry to say that I think there’s definitely something suspicious going on here, it’s just a matter of what level.  It may be something completely random – like he’s got depression and has confided in her?  

However I’ve been on the receiving end of this with my exhusband and I trusted my gut and dug until I found something.  I think the deleted conversations are a big red flag.  I would definitely do a little more digging in the form of phone records before you had the talk with him.  I was head over heels in love with my man and thought I could trust him, but sadly he didn’t feel the same way.  I totally understand your feeling of not wanting to ask because you’re afraid of the answer, I felt the same.  I did ask him, he flat out denied it.  I still had a gut feeling something was going on – and it was.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Get the phone records happening. You’re not going to get any mental relief until you have a tangible answer one way or another.  

Post # 156
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

somethingblueorgold:  the thing is, a lot of cheaters don’t want their world upended. They may still love their partner and have gotten in deeper with the affair partner than they really intended. Those people are going to deny, deny, deny in order to hold onto their current reality (wedding and all), rather than see a conversation like that as a chance to come clean. 

Post # 157
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

Bees, stop responding to this thread every few hours. 😛  I keep thinking the OP has updated and then… nothing! For some reason I really need to hear the end of this one.

Post # 158
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Damn…. The deleted emails sound fishy. He’s obviously talking to her via email if he’s deleteing them. I dunno… This all sounds bad to me. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do.

Whoever said to call the brother and ask for her though, is a genius. I would do that. And if he says, “SHe’s not here”. Just be like, “Oh… Okay. Do you have any clue where she could be, I had something really important to talk to her about.” And see what he says. Then just ask for her number. You can then look at the phone records and see how often he speaks to her through calls and texts.

I am one for personal boundaries. I hate that people say, “Once you’re married, you give up any kind of secracy. Your phone should be open.” Because, no that’s not true. I deserve privacy. I have a journal I write in. By that logic, my husband should be allowed to read it? No, because that’s where I go at the end of the day, to write down my feelings bad or good. If I told my husband EVERYTHING on my mind, he would probably hate me, and vise versa. I’m sure  many of you have had unpleasent thoughts, too. Humans aren’t perfect. If my husband was going through my phone everyday, for no reason, I would think HE is the one that is up to something. Guilt reflects. How do I know? Because I”ve been in relationships like that. And when I found out my husband was doing things behind my back, how do I catch him? Because he was guilt tripping me about other guys, when I had nothing to do with other guys. He would be like, “Oh you liked this guy’s picture of facebook” When it’s clearly a picture of someone’s business and what they do there. Or “Are you following guys on tumblr or insta?” And when he started going through my friends list and who I follow on all of my social media, I knew. I NEVER did anything or have done anything to break his trust. Therefore he SHOULD NOT have been going through my stuff, period. After that, I found out that he’s been doing everything he tried to blame me for. He felt guilty, and he was reflecting it on to me. Which is also what happened with my high school love. I was with him for four years. He went through EVERYTHING. Said I couldn’t have male friends, told me what I could and couldn’t wear, no make up, etc etc etc. And he cheated on me, probably the whole four years we were together. Privacy is a must in relationships, because there has to be TRUST.

However, in this person’s situation, I would be leaning towards snooping. It would be different if he didn’t show signs of cheating, but these signs even make my tummy turn. Just remember ladies, just because you’re married, it doesn’t mean you have to share EVERYTHING with your husband, because I can almost guaruntee he’s not sharing everything with you.

Post # 159
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hate to enable snooping but my vote is to snoop some more and wait on confronting him!

My Darling Husband deletes everything on his phone which is the opposite of me as I keep too many things saved and my phone is always a mess and lacks space so its a constant joke amongst us.  I don’t think him deleting everything is a sign of guilt as of yet. But I’m also a HUGE believer that we as women just know when something isn’t right. Follow your gut and get to the bottom of this! And keep us posted! I’m rooting for you to be wrong but I feel like you will need to definitive  answer in order to move forward.

Post # 160
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Does he normally run after eating a meal? I like to run but definitely could never do this.

Post # 161
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Commenting to follow!

Post # 162
Member
9984 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

bibbithebee:  I just wanted to give you props for one of the BEST posts I have ever read on this entire site.  Ever.

Post # 163
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - SLS Las Vegas

I am so invested in this thread. I want to know how OP is and what happened

Post # 164
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

OP, Also, I’m a runner and it’s crazy to run immediately after eating dinner.  On the other hand, of course that would explain why he didn’t eat much, if he actually did go running.  You don’t want to run on a full stomach, but if you’re really hungry, it can be good to eat a little bit for energy right beforehand.

You said they live just a few minutes from you guys, right?  I’d want to follow him on his next run (“run”) just to see what he’s up to.

Post # 165
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m also a runner, and would never eat and then run. Having a light snack is one thing. Or a light shake. Then afterwards…. But not before. That’s just asking to feel sick.

 

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