(Closed) Paranoid FI is cheating. Help!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Cheekie0077:  +1.  I’m even more suspicous now that you didn’t even find one conversation with her!  It seems like they’re pretty close.  I would imagine there will be some sort of text messages with her, but nothing at all??  I think he’s deleting them now.  I would definitely talk to him now.

Post # 47
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

So when you talk to him, he will admit to cheating if he is, or admit to you that he has a crush on her says no man NEVER. Talk to himy ass. I don’t get this perspective at all.99.9 percent of people don’t admit they are cheating unless they get caught.

I have no problem with snooping aa long as there is a valid reason to. Someone said that if you go lookong, you would find something.Well, I also think that’s nonsensical.You would only find something if your partner was dishonest in the first gottdamn place. Then again, I’m a realist.

Post # 48
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Others may disagree with me. But I wouldn’t bring up looking at his phone either. Just try asking him about the how you feel when he spends so much time with this girl, and how you feel. He should be able to explain how they arrange meeting up without texts as he has no texts on his phone.

Post # 49
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

Excuse the typos.

Post # 50
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

anonbee290:  Do you share a phone plan or a bank account? One way I caught my ex cheating back in the day was through phone bills. I just checked out bill for her number. Also you could look at bank statements for hotels etc where they go to ski or in town. 

Post # 51
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

anonbee290:  How does he communicate with her when they plan a skiing trip?  If he has ever texted her then there should at least be an old text thread. If he deleted that and hasn’t deleted threads from other people I would wonder.  Keep us posted.  Such an awful position to be in–and I know how it feels.  I’m hoping he just has a little bit of a crush on her and you talking to him will set your mind at ease.

Post # 52
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

anonbee290:  100% talk to him tell him how you feel, but also 100% do not mention the snoop.. are there shady phone numbers anywhere that you could see Or an abnormal amount of conversation with one person That seems out of Character or at times he isn’t with u….like for instance, not that I’m saying this is happening and I don’t wanna make u unnecessarily paranoid but it’s very easy to change a contact’s name from for example “BRO’sGF” to “Bob”….

Post # 53
Member
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Other than half a dozen tmes skiing in the winter and a double date in the past do they spend time together without you guys? Like is it a weekly occurrence? 

Sometimes we have our own insecurities that blow things out of proportion. I can see how a 25 year old cute sexy thang can make your mind reel everytime your Fiance looks at her but unless you have 100%, fool proof evidence it could really be you. You said your sex life is great, no boring nights or times together, etc. All that is left to do is to have an open and honest conversation with your man about how you do not want him spending ANY time with that woman alone ever again.  You don’t need to justify or explain reasons why other than you hate it and will not accept it. Like I said, if he loves you he will 100000% understand.good luck!!

Post # 54
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

Olay, so he has nothing in his phone, now bring up the conversation about why you are uncomfortable.These one on one ski trips would never fly with me.

Post # 55
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

And one day, ask if you can tag along with both of them…

Post # 56
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Two things when my ex was cheating he changed her name in his phone to Mom so that he could call or text her in front of me and I wouln’t think twice if I saw it show up on his phone. I suspect he used other friends names as well. The phone bill did not lie.

#2 if you tell him you don’t want him going alone with her anymore and he gets angry or freaks out, then you know. They either are cheating or he’s considering it.  

Post # 57
Member
12239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I think you have plenty to go on as far as having a conversation with Fiance. Just because these ski trips have a precedent, doesn’t mean you can’t tell him that you have become  uncomfortable with them. There’s no other evidence, though there is a lot that sounds fishy. It’s possible that he has feelings for her or that it’s turned into an emotional affair, even if not a physical one. He’ll no doubt deny the whole thing. 

You know him best, though. Is he really the type to get involved with his brother’s GF? 

I agree that if nothing else is deleted it’s  suspicious there are no texts or records of any phone calls. 

Your only other option is to go full scale PI on them. Once you are at that point, though, is it really worth it? 

Post # 58
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My ex called his whore CVB in his phone, and only the first initial is correct.  I echo PP, the phone bill didn’t lie.  They’re married now.

Post # 59
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I call BS here. Snoop and THEN ask to see his phone in front of him. This will give you time to process and react. 

As for those that think snooping is wrong, switch roles here. If he was suspicious of you – would you care if he looked at your phone before coming to you? I don’t know about you but I’m an open book with nothing to hide. 

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