Paranoid that I won't get any showers?

posted 3 months ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

No, it’s not required that people throw you showers. Just because no one offers to throw a shower doesn’t mean they care for you any less. I declined a shower because we went to the courthouse and had already been living together for 3 1/2 years.

Post # 3
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m not so into the theatrics of wedding parties etc and I really wasn’t expecting it from my family or his. We both have extremely small families. So I was honestly caught off guard when a lady from work said she would love to throw a shower for me. It was a sweet gesture. And then my Maid/Matron of Honor threw one for me. 

I’m curious why you think you won’t get a shower? Do you have a Maid/Matron of Honor or bridal party? I think traditionally they are to plan and coordinate it for you?

Post # 6
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

overthemoon2018 :  I’m so sorry to hear that! Being self conscious is extremely draining. I was more that way when I was young (high school) but luckily while in college I learned that “no one gives a sh*t about you” in a good way though. I felt free of judgement because I just didn’t care anymore what others thought of me. It was all in my head that any of it really mattered. 

Is it possible the self-conscious feeling makes you put off an anxious vibe or makes you seem closed off to others? a lot of people have social anxiety and don’t realize it or feel the need to address or treat it. And it seems weird your mom seemed upset when she said she’s not throwing a shower for you. I say just tell your maid of honor you would like a shower especially if you’re going to feel really down and disappointed if you don’t have at least one. Sometimes people just don’t realize that you may be the type to want a shower!

 

Post # 7
Member
676 posts
Busy bee

You don’t need a shower, you need therapy. And I mean that in the most well-meaning way possible. Self-esteem does not come from things outside of us- like our possessions, our partner and whether or not someone decided to throw us a shower. This “self-consciousness” is not going to go away if someone does indeed throw you a shower. Please find a good counselor to get to the bottom of your lack of self-worth; the hole will not be filled by events thrown in your honor. 

Post # 8
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My mom threw me a surprise family shower that I really wasn’t expecting since we lived together, had everything and we were eloping! But it was very nice. You never know, but try not to stress about it because in the grand scheme of things a shower really isnt that big of a deal!

Post # 9
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

yeah im not having one, its just not really a thing in my circle.

my friends are all as poor as me so I dont expect anything from them and if you just want to hang out that’s what the bach party is for, I am slightly paranoid no one will want to come to mine but even just 2 or 3 people ill be super happy.

 

Post # 10
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I was adamant about no showers, no bachelorette parties, and no engagement party. I was only interested in having my wedding, that’s it. But that’s me.

I agree with PP that you don’t need a shower but perhaps you should consider therapy if you think not being given a shower is making you self conscious and pick yourself apart

Post # 11
Member
582 posts
Busy bee

Not having a shower doesn’t mean people don’t care about you. I love my friends deeply and it would NEVER occur to me to hold a wedding shower, engagement shower, or even bachelorette for them. It wasn’t something I did when I was a bridesmaid, it wasn’t something I did when I officiated a friend’s wedding, it wasn’t something I did when I made all of a friend’s wedding desserts, it wasn’t something I did for my sibling.  That’s just….not the way people operate in my circle. When I got married, nobody held a shower for me or a bachelorette, and I have many close friends who have been there for me in all kinds of ways and were there for me through that experience (handmade my dress, handmade my wedding ring, officiated, spent lots of money to travel to the event, wrote poems, got incredibly thoughtful gifts, went WAY above and beyond to make me feel loved). 

Point being, don’t read too much into this particular act or event. It doesn’t tell you how much people care and it doesn’t reflect how great you are. Instead, think about the nature of your relationships with your friend and family and maybe set aside some time to spend with them so you feel secure in your bond? 

And do look into therapy—its better to feel more comfortable and the power really lies with you, not others reaction to you. 

Post # 12
Hostess
9679 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I didn’t have a shower – no one offered and I had a very small wedding. I survived.

Post # 13
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

My bridesmaids were spread all over the country, and I told my mom I didn’t want a shower. My cousin insisted on throwing a family one, because otherwise people might think they hadn’t been invited to one. (Showers are very much a thing in my family). It would have been bratty for me to keep saying no, so we had a sweet luncheon with my family. 

Post # 14
Member
12216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Showers are traditionally local, intimate and low key events thrown by a friend or friend of the family. They are also voluntary and optional. While it’s a charming and generous gesture, not everyone has friends that are in a position logistically to host, whether for financial reasons, distance, or time. 

I turned down a shower because my best friends would have had to fly in. I refused to impose on them for something that is only meant to be about modest and practical gifts. The flights would have cost many times more and no one was made of money at that time. I think I spent less than one minute considering it. 

Showers have been built up by the wedding industry to something they were never intended to be. Look at it this way. Everyone will be even more thrilled to attend your wedding if they aren’t going into it broke. 

I don’t understand your mother’s reaction, though. 

Post # 15
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I had to endure a huge shower put on by my mother in law and her barrage of church friends.  It was awful, despite the very nice gifts.  I hate being in a crowded room of strangers much less being the center of attention.  If no on throws you a shower it’ll be ok.  Do you have a best friend or group of friends that might plan something?  Maybe mom is planninga surprise shower?  Don’t worry about it bee, a shower is not a reflection of how people feel about you.   

My sisters there a bachelorette party for me that practically no one attended. That was embarrassing.  No one from my work showed up :/ focus on your actual wedding day.  It will be amazing!  

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