Paranoid that I won't get any showers?

posted 2 months ago in Parties
Post # 16
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

This is a massively geographical thing, but you could do what many people do in the UK and plan a pre-wedding celebration for yourself? It’s very normal and acceptable here to plan your own hen do, or at least have a lot of input into it. And it’s also completely okay to ask your closest friends to help you with it. We don’t have wedding showers, and actually I don’t think planning that for yourself would ever be ok, because that really is just asking for gifts (if you go by the traditional meaning of ‘shower’), but could you not asking your closest friends to help you plan a pre-wedding get together for your nearest and dearest?

(I disagree with the PP who believes that you categorically need therapy because you get self conscious and worry about being left out. I think most people feel this to some extent, and only if it is getting in the way of your mental health or affecting your relationships/work life would you need therapy. I truly think anyone who says they never have low self esteem or feel sad if they are left out is lying, and I do not believe that anyone could know that you “lack self worth” enough to require therapy from what you have posted on this thread).

Post # 17
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a local shower in my parent’s hometown (nearby family and local women invited). It was hosted by my mom, Mother-In-Law, and cousin.

However, I wanted to celebrate with some good friends who lived near me as well, so Darling Husband and I hosted a pre-wedding bbq about 2 months prior. It was small (maybe 10 ppl?), super casual and a lot of fun – just good food and company. You could do something like that and invite family or friends if you’re just seeking the social aspect. 

Post # 18
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

It seems odd that your mom would tell you to get your registry in order and to buy a dress, but say she isn’t throwing you a shower. Does she know if someone else is? I just can’t imagine why she would tell you that otherwise!

And I know this is an unpopular opinion here, but where I’m from, showers are always part of the wedding process and it would be odd for someone to not have one, even if they had already been living together. Of course they aren’t mandatory, but I would feel hurt too if no one expressed interest in going to a shower of mine. (A difference is that where I’m from, it’s not uncommon to throw our own party, be it birthday, shower, baby shower, etc. to be honest. Again, I am learning that doesn’t seem to be the norm but I never thought anything of it growing up. So in my mind if I wanted a pre-wedding party, I’d just plan one!)

Post # 19
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

overthemoon2018 :  reading between the lines here: you’re not afraid of not having a shower, necessarily. rather, you’re afraid that you’re not important enough to anyone/high enough on anyone’s priority list for them to think about doing something special for you. yes, they’d be celebrating you on your wedding day, but that’s something *you* planned and initiated. you’re afraid of being let down that no one took initiative to think of you and do something nice for you.

that is understandable, bee. I don’t have any advice, but know that having those feelings is okay.

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