- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So I just need to get this off my chest, bear with me please!
I am really getting sick and tired of the smug parents. Of course, not all parents are smug people, but there seem to be a lot of smug parents out there these days, and it’s really driving me up the wall. From the time DH and I got serious, up until literally this morning, I have lost track of how many times people have told me the following:
“You don’t know what love is until you have a child.”
“You don’t know what tired is, since you aren’t a parent.”
“You’ll understand ________ when you have kids.”
“Just wait until you have kids, then you’ll understand.”
“Now that I’m a mother, I really understand what it means to be a woman” (that one isn’t verbatim but is as close as I can remember) Especially hurtful. See #4 below.
There are others, too, but those are the most recent ones and/or the ones I/we have heard way too much lately. Seriously, I feel like I’m on the verge of saying something really, really horrible to the next person who says something like this.
1. I can see how yes, as a non-parent, I don’t fully grasp the concept of a parent’s love for their child. This is WAY different from telling someone that they don’t understand what love is.
2. I’m sick to death of these people simultaneously over-complaining and clapping themselves on the back. It’s not a competition, folks! I’m actually allowed to be tired, even if I don’t have kids! It’s not illegal for childless people to be tired! Or sick! Or grouchy! Or anything else! It’s “Oooooh my life is SO MUCH WORSE than yours, except it’s also SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS.” Gag.
3. I hate being made to feel like I’m not good enough already. It’s so frustrating to be verbally patted on the head and given a cookie, like I’m not ready for the grown-ups table. No, I don’t have kids. No, I’m not a moron. Sheesh.
4. Because of some medical issues, DH and I don’t even know if we can have children. This is a particularly painful issue, and no, we haven’t discussed it with most people. (We have this crazy idea that our potential reproductivity isn’t dinner table conversation…) Being told “When you have kids….” is extra painful, because we know that day may never come. It’s the extra-smug icing on the already-too-smug cake.
Ok. That was way more ranty than I thought it would be, but there it is. I guess I’m at an age (31) where pretty much everyone around me has kids, so I’m getting it from all sides. It’s exhausting. Yes, your life has changed now that you have kids – that’s awesome, and I’m sincerely happy for you … but stop looking down your nose at me.
I’m sorry if this has offended anyone here. I just received another of these “helpful comments” a few minutes ago and something inside me just snapped. Sigh. I know these people (for the most part) don’t mean any harm, but I still find it really difficult. The upside of this is that I’ve found myself thinking extra-hard before I speak, because I don’t want people to feel the same way.