(Closed) Parent are both gone…..feel so alone!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Definately share with your Fiance how you are feeling. The two of you are forming a family now ant that is waht family is there for, to love and support you. I know nothing can replace your family, but are you close with his at all or do you have siblings that you can talk things over with?I am really sorry for your loss that has to be really hard.

Post # 4
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@baycrest3321:  My fiance is the same way–he wants us to go to Maui for a destinatio wedding, but other than that he doesn’t have much to contribute

But once I started telling him all of the details about the ceremony he perked up–he like the idea of incorporating traditional hawaiian elements to the weddding–like conch blowing, hawiian dancers, etc.

 

Guys aren’t into the party as much as women are….on the flipside,  it would be kind of annoying if he had a strong opinion about it and it was opposite mine–I would be fighting him on everything!

Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@baycrest3321:  I totally agree with Mrsmenow.  You should share with your Fiance how you are feeling, he probably doesn’t know how sad you really are. 

I am in the same spot as your Fiance, both my husbands parents have passed away, he just lots his Mom this past December.  As much as I understand how sad he is, I do not always understand what he is going though since I still have my parents.  We have had many talks and he now understands that he has to share his feelings so we can both make it through grieving together and I can be there for him when he needs me to, even if its not at a moment that I would expect him to be thinking of his mom.

 

Post # 7
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can completely relate! My FI’s parents are both gone, my father passed away this year and my mother and I are estranged. It’s hard when you have no one who can get really excited with you and to help. I rely on my Fiance for all my wedding planning support and you should too. He should try and understand your feelings more and I think if you share how your really feeling then he will. Maybe set aside certain times to discuss wedding details (like going for dinner or drinks). I know my guy doesn’t want to talk about the wedding as soon as he gets home from work or when he is watching tv so I try to wait for a moment when I can hold his interest with it. Who is your MOH? She should be a big help as well. 

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can relate to you baycrest3321, My parents are both gone also me and my mom was so close I have two sisters and a younger brother but its only me,my lil bro and older sister(long and sad story) I’m doing everything on my own my older sister is acting like she’s jealous I can’t talk to her about what”s happen with the wedding without her changing the subject. My bestfriend is trying her best to help but I just know if my mother was still alive she would have TAKEN OVER OUR WEDDING!!! LOL but I know she’s here in some shape or form and when I change anything in the wedding its bcuz she didn’t like it lol 

so what I’m trying to say is don’t be sad you can do this!!! I don’t/didn’t know your parents but  I know they once told you are strong and can do whatever u put ur mind toSmile They’re here in spirit with you,watching over you, helping out here and there 🙂 God Bless & Best Wishes.

Post # 9
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ Bay I understand how it feels. Both of my parents are gone and it feels awkward to such a wonderful event without including them. I wanted to elope but decided against it mainly b/c it wasnt fair to my FI family and friends.

But what gets me through the day is that I do talk about how I feel with my Fiance and include things in our wedding that reminds me of them (teal is my color for ovarian cancer & doing a candy bar filled with my fathers favorite sweets). We will also do special flowers in memory of them. Just remember they wouldnt want you to be grieving for them during such a wonderful occasion.

Im not sure how ur Fiance family is but get some support from them, trust me it helps. Im sorry ur going through this and hope that u feel better.

Many hugs 🙂

Post # 11
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@baycrest3321:  i just barely made it through this myself. my advice is to speak up and let everyone (especially your fiance) know when you are overwhelmed and don’t be afriad to tell them what they can do to make the process easier on you. there were times when i resented my fiance for wanting a big wedding when it was hurting me so much, and there are times when he hated himself for it and wished we had just eloped (but by then it was too late). 

in the end, our wedding was perfect and i was secretly glad he pushed us to have it even if the planning was hell sometimes.  i made sure to include lots of personal touches to remember my parents and one friend who had never even met my mother or father actually came up to me and said, “i know i never met them but i know they’re here and i feel them everywhere.” yes, i cried ALL day long, but i knew that this was the wedding they would have wanted me to have. it will all be worth it, but please ask for help!

the morning after the wedding we visited my parents and my husband’s father at the cemetary and told them all about our wedding and left them each a single white rose. it was sad, but it was important for us to include them in our day. it’s the first thing we did as a married couple and it’s one of the most special memories i have of our wedding. 

good luck!

Post # 12
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m really sorry to hear that. It’s very difficult to pass a milestone in life as large and significant as a wedding without the help and support of someone as important as a parent.

I’m very fortunate to have LOTS… sometimes too much support from my Fiance, lol. He works long hours though. My Mum has been very busy helping my Sister who has a new born. I’ve actually started to enlist the help of my Aunt. Do you have other family members that could maybe help you? Can you think of a cousin, Aunt or friend.

I wish you the best of luck in planning 🙂

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

also, i wanted to add that you shouldn’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.  for example, i have a meltdown at every wedding during mother/son, father/daughter dances.  i knew it was important for my fiance to dance with his mom and i didn’t want to kill that experience for them, but i also knew it would trigger some crazy emotions on the big day. i talked about it with my fiance and we compromised.  he danced with his mother and they had their special moment, but it wasn’t a big show.  we didn’t announce it and probably no one even knew it happened.  it also helped that my fiance “forced” my little brother to dance with me at the same time.  but had i not spoken up about this, i would have dreaded it for months beforehand and been totally bummed at the wedding.

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