(Closed) Parent Dances– Ok to skip?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee

Parents Dance/First dance was the worst, most uncomfortable thing at our wedding. I’d skip it if I could go back.

Post # 17
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We are not doing this, as I do not speak to my father.

Post # 18
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

We are doing something a little unique. While we are not doing the traditional parents’ dances, my father and my FI’s mother will each choose a song that they would like to dance to with us. The songs will play later on during the reception, and it will not be announced in any way. Therefore, other guests will be dancing as well since it’s not technically a parent dance, yet we can still get some nice photos of us dancing with our parents. 

Post # 19
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee

Why on earth do people worry about this stuff.

YOUR wedding YOUR dad YOUR decision.

Skip what you want, include what you want, and include what you enjoy and look forward to.

Custom is custom, not Sharia Law. 

Post # 20
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

View original reply
shesells :  hi there…. I have been contemplating whether to do or to skip these traditional dances. I am just curious from your experience what did you find awkward about them?

Post # 21
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No, it’s not ok to skip the father/daughter dance – if you don’t do it, you won’t really be married.

Of COURSE it’s ok not to do it. It’s 2016 for goodness sake, do what you want.

Post # 22
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We skipped it.  We had our first dance and then went right into the regular dancing for the night.  I think my dad would have done it, but I really didn’t want to, and my DH’s mom had just died, so it was a good reason to not do any.  I’m really happy we didn’t do any- one less thing to worry about, and no one cared at all.

Post # 23
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
harleybeachbride6 :  the fact that none of the people involved could dance…in one case the bride had insisted that the dance be choreographed and rehearsed but it fell apart with nerves. 

My own sisters did a first dance at their weddings but neither of them minded being centre of attention. A lot of other brides and parents don’t like performing a dance in front of a room full of people. I would have terrible anxiety about that kind of thing which is why I’ll skip that tradition 

Post # 24
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My dad is dead so we didn’t do any of those dances. 

Post # 25
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

We did no traditional things. We ended up with a first dance (FI and I) by accident. Both of my parents are deceased, and my husband and his mom were not interested in being in the spotlight. No parents did any speeches on the wedding evening. My sister did a speech and my brother in law’s fiance did the prayer before dinner. That is all. YOU DO YOU. 🙂 I loved doing everything my way and everyone thought it was neat how different it was than most weddings (and we saved so much time nixing all that, the night seemed longer than it was).

And that first dance that we ended up with by accident felt SO long… I just focused on my husband, but it was hard. I know he was really nervous, and I was anxious because I knew he was uncomfortable. You can always dance with dad later in the evening when everyone else is on the floor.

Post # 26
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We skipped them, and no one seemed to notice. My dad died when I was a kid, and seeing those dances is always the worst part of a wedding for me. I always tried to time a bathroom exit if possible when I was a teenager and had to go to several weddings each year. My Mother-In-Law doesn’t like being the center of attention and said she would do it if it was important to my husband but that she’d prefer not to. He was relieved.

Post # 27
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No one will notice if you skip them! I did not do them at my wedding and I don’t regret it one bit. When I told friends and even the wedding coordinator we weren’t doing them, everyone told me it was a bad idea and we’d regret missing out on that special moment. Thank goodness we didn’t listen to them. All these same friends had a great time at our wedding and told us how beautiful it was. I don’t think they even realized we skipped them. 

I feel a couple should incorporate the wedding traditions that are meaningful to them, and skip the ones that aren’t. Do what you want and congrats on your upcoming wedding! 

Post # 28
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

We didn’t do them at our wedding. DH’s Mom passed away when he was 21. I am estranged from my family, so none of them were at my wedding anyways. To be honest, the last few wedding I’ve been to there wasn’t these dances and nobody noticed.

Post # 29
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We are skipping them at our wedding.  My father passed away about 6 years ago and I’m not comfortable replacing him with someone else and Fiance and his mom talked and decided they didn’t want to do one either.  I’m sure both of us will end up dancing with our moms at some point in the night though!

Post # 30
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

At my nephew’s wedding, his mom & dad were both there but their long-ago marriage was abusive and short. So his mother was fine with her ex being across the ballroom from her, but she sure as hell wasn’t dancing with him. 

Only the bride’s parents danced together. I don’t think anyone had any big questions about it. 

So don’t force anything. If someone would just as soon skip the dance, then skip it.

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