Parent not speaking to me over venue choice

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t take kindly to grown adults throwing hissy fits in an attempt to manipulate me. Let them act like children and continue to act like an adult, maybe they can pick up a few pointers about how to act appropriately.

Post # 17
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Local Resort

tammyone:  My mother gives me hives.  I will not discuss any details with her, and I’ve told her I’m eloping [we probably will] to avoid the headaches.  She’s a real pain in my **s.

Post # 18
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

tammyone:  my mom didn’t talk to me for almost 2 weeks because she didn’t like the wedding dress i chose. she gave us about 20% of our wedding total, and i guess thought that her porton must be what ordered that awful dress. i eventually had to sit her down and explain how hurtful this was to me…and she pulled herself together. but not without some work on my part 😉

Post # 19
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Local Resort

My FH has a great line for whenver my mother “suggests” anything of cost be purchased.  He says “even if she did pay for it all, we would never do what she wanted” NAG is in her DNA.

Post # 20
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissSLC:  I think it sounds awesome as a venue. They have great food, they go out of their way to please, and the old west ambience is very cool. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 21
Member
11787 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

tammyone:  It’s totally wrong, of course, but  I think it’s coming from a place of embarrassment and misguided view of what is considered appropriate and proper.  They probably come from a time and place where the bride’s family always hosted in their hometown.  

I would probably  try to show them how many couples now pay for their own weddings, and how this is no longer the tradition or the  expectation. 

Post # 22
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Okay, well, first off, anyone who pulls that crap is basically attempting to pull rank, or assert some level of dominance/control over your plans. Don’t fall for it, and don’t change all your plans out of feeling some semblence of guilt. DO NOT DO IT. Weddings bring out wierdness and bizzarre behavior, and if you cave on this, it will be yet another thing down the road that gets their nose out of joint. Do not coddle bad behavior. You are being generous with paying for their out of town accommodations, and its not like they are paying for any part of the venue. Their actions are a reflection on them and not you. You are an adult and you are making your own choices. You don’t need permission to plan your wedding how you see fit. 

Post # 23
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ps: My mom attempted to pull some very bad crap on me, (drunken behavior, guilt trips and manipulations on many occasions. As a result, I have no relationship with her, and I have zero guilt planning my wedding that, happily, she will not be a part of. I have a very loving mother in law, who told me point blank: “it is your and my son’s day. Get married however you want, as long as you are both happy, and it ends up with you both married, that is all that matters to me!” 

Post # 24
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

tammyone:  Ugh. As if planning a wedding isn’t stressful enough. Seriously, I found that when husband and I were planning ours, I got to the point where I could and would not deal with any unnecessary nonsense. I uninvited some of my immediate family members because I refused to deal with childish behavior and was not willing to take the chance of having them act a fool on our wedding day. As for your parents, I would just explain to them why (if you haven’t already) you chose the venue that you did, and how their behavior is stressing you out. If that doesn’t change the situaltion, leave it alone. If they want to be there, they will be there. You can only do so much and you can’t please everyone. Sorry that you’re dealing with this!

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