Post # 1
It all started on my gradution in August. My parents and my brother and his Fiance come to celebrate with me and Mr. Veryberry. Brother and Fiance are bickering, Mom and Dad keep leaving the graduation party (as I later found out) to fight.
Two weeks later, my brother and his fiance call it off. Quite a big deal because of how much money they were to lose (at least 3000.00 each), but, I commend them for deciding it was not right and calling it off.
Both parents assumed that my bro would be moving back home. Mom’s upset…Dads’ excited. Mom gets a left out on a lot of what Dad and my bro like to do. Brother decides to man up and instead moves in with a friend. Now, Dad’s a little unhappy, Mom’s relieved.
During this time, my mother developed a borderline inappropriate friendship with a man that she works with. She was texting back and forth, my dad caught her, and called me saying that he was worried she was having an affair. I tell him no way, and echoed my mom’s concerns about her being left out when him and my bro hang out, and suggest that maybe she was leaning on him for support.
Fast forward to tonight. Mom calls, tells me that there’s something wrong with my dad, that he’s not right in the head. I tell my mom that I have heard about her friendship, that I told dad I believed it was innocent, but that maybe it was in his head and he needed to feel secure. She tells me that dad’s decided to gain a new friend too…except that this woman thought maybe she was coming on to him and then came on to him back (whaaaat?!?) and he told my mom for whatever reason.
If you’ve read this long and can follow all the drama–What is going on here? I suggested counseling, my mom says she doesn’t think dad will go. I tell her that I love her no matter what but I am 4 hours away from them and don’t know whats going on. She gets off the phone because my dad wants to talk to her to clear the air. Now I just feel weird. What do I do in the future if this keeps up?
Post # 3
@veryberry13: You recommended counselling (which is the rational thing to do here) and told your mom that you love her unconditinally – I think you’ve pretty much done your part. If your parents want their marriage to implode becase of crazy drama then it’s up to them, I would just stay out of it.
Post # 4
@veryberry13: As someone who has been dealing with parental fights, drama (you name it), my best suggestion is: stay out of it. Seriously. Been there, done that. It’s not your fight and you should not get involved. Think of it this way, you love them both and you could end up picking sides (even if you don’t want to). They should learn to cope with each other by themselves. Recommend them counseling but no more. I know you’re probably frustrated, confused even distressed, but don’t talk with them about their problems. Hope this helps.
Post # 5
Stay out of it. Not your battle. Lay down boundaries with both your parents to stop talking to you about their relationship problems. You have suggested counselling, which is the best suggestion you could have made. I hope they decide to hash things out with each other and take your suggestion for counselling.
As someone who has just watched her parents’ marriage of almost 30 years disintegrate into a messy separation and proceedings towards divorce, I seriously urge you to stay out of it for your own emotional wellbeing. Your parents need to grow up and speak to each other about their issues/flirting/new friendships. Not to their child (whether that child is 18 years old or 50 years old.)
Post # 6
Ugh my mom cheated. All you can do is STAY OUT OF IT. Trust me. For your own sanity. They have to deal with this between themselves. If you want to come out the other end with your relationship with both parents in tact, stay out of it.
Post # 7
I think I am going to go ahead and take this advice. I don’t really want to be in it! It’s like they call me, they are stressed out, and it’s prefaced with ‘I know this might cross boundries but…..’
So I guess next time I’ll just try to be more of a listener instead of a mediator…or maybe I’ll just stay out of it and ask them nicely to not talk to me.
Post # 8
WHAT!?! I’m not even sure I followed all of that. I’d stay out of it. You recommended counceling, which seems good. But beyond that I woudl let them sort it out.
Post # 9
If you want more advice, I’d tell you not to listen to them, at all! As you said, tell them in a nice, polite way “I’m really sorry that you’re going through this, but like you said this is crossing boundaries, so please don’t share; I don’t need to know. We can talk about other stuff, just keep me out of this please, it’s not my fight.” and stick with it, they’ll eventually learn not to involve you and it’ll become (hopefully) easier for them to discuss their issues with each other 😉