Parent Problems

posted 11 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Are future Parent-In-Laws being unreasonable and breaking ettiqutte by only attending ceremony and r
    Yes : (3 votes)
    14 %
    No : (19 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    We’re missing way too much info here. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    9609 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    If they don’t want to go to the reception, they don’t want to go. The ceremony is the most important part and there’s no point in wasting your time/energy being upset by something you can’t change. Enjoy the reception with the people who want to be there.

    Post # 4
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2019

    Depends on what the issue with your mother was. Without that there’s really no real context. Sorry, you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to but if we could get a general sense of how severe the problem was, it would be helpful.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5426 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    applegirl80 :  

    I think you do need to “get into” your mothers unwarranted and irrational behavior towards your fiancé.

    If they think that your mother is irrational and treating their son like crap, on top of anxiety problems, I totally understand them not wanting to be around your mother.

    Your mother’s behavior is significant and we need details on what happened 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1074 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I would be hurt if they didn’t attend the reception without good reason, but it seems like they do have good reasons. They are attending the ceremony, which is the important part.

    I would try to do something private with them to celebrate, like dinner the next day or something.

    Post # 7
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    No.  They are not breaking any etiquette rules.  They have let you know ahead of time so that you can avoid any costs involved in hosting them at the reception.  They have met any obligations expected of guests.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    PILs can do whatever they please.

     

    What is your mother doing to your fiancé? That is the only issue here. If she’s treating him poorly, you need to nip that in the bud and stop speaking to her until she fixes her attitude. That’s not fair to your fiancé. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    7412 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    the reception is the couple’s way of thanking the guests for attending the ceremony. so if they want to attend the ceremony and skip out on the part that thanks them for attending the ceremony, I don’t see anything wrong with that, especially if one of them has health issues.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4469 posts
    Honey bee

    A reception is the thank you to your guests for witnessing your marriage ceremony, which they are doing.  It is you receiving your guests for the first time as a married couple.  It’s a party, not a hostage situation.  If they aren’t feeling up to the party, they just aren’t feeling up to it and if they feel sufficiently welcomed and thanked without attending the accompanying party that is their prerogative.

    Some disappointment?  Sure.  But to go as far and say they are being rude and breaking etiquette to not endure a party they neither feel well enough to attend nor are comfortable attending is going a bit far.  And it is definitely too far to suggest they aren’t for your marriage.  You are aware the marriage part occurs during the ceremony that they will be attending, right?

    Post # 11
    Member
    8813 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    applegirl80 :  So you want them to sit there in literal physical pain, as well as emotional distress? That is what you’re demanding here. 

    • Am I being unreasonable.” — Yes, completely.
    • Is this not breaking any etiquette or convention?” — No, there is no etiquette or convention that someone must show their support of a marriage by suffering hours of physical pain and mental distress.

    It’s one thing to be disappointed and sorry that they’ll miss the festivities. It is something else entirely to pout about a “poor show.” Have some compassion.

    Post # 12
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee

    mrscb2bee :  I agree; I’d be more worried about this to be honest. I’ve been in a situation of my mom disliking and having an incident with my ex. The tension and emotional drain it all caused for the following 2 years was hard, and he was long distance!

     

    Honestly, it sounds like you already know his parents and already know their reasons. If someone has health issues, maybe anxiety, who knows what – that is a valid reason if they feel it is. I agree that the ceremony, the actually WATCHING YOU GET MARRIED is more important than the party.

    Also not sure I follow the timeline – so you want them there at 1 but then again at 6, or just at 3? Do they live close by? And even if they do, those are some fair gaps where they may prefer to just go home and retire for the day. I really liked the idea of doing something another day with just them!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1837 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Breaking etiquette, no. But being childish yes. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6791 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    applegirl80 :  Is your mother going to be at the reception?

    Honestly, I’d feel extremely hurt if my parents or my groom’s parents weren’t going to come to our wedding reception. However, I feel like there is a lot of missing info here so I’m not exactly sure what is going on. How does your fiance feel? 

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