Parent Problems

posted 10 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Are future Parent-In-Laws being unreasonable and breaking ettiqutte by only attending ceremony and r
    Yes : (3 votes)
    14 %
    No : (19 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    6314 posts
    Bee Keeper

    applegirl80 :  I can understand why they wish to have nothing at all to do with your mother. I can also understand why asking them to stay until 6PM could be a bit much for them on many fronts. 

    Can you adjust your day so that you may enjoy an intimate post-ceremony toast or even quick tea with just them at the ceremony site? Other guests don’t have to know what’s going on, they may assume you are taking photos and perhaps you can do that as well. 

    Issues with your mother aside, chronic pain, social phobia (to the extent they would be uncomfortable even going out for dinner with just the two of you) and OCD are big enough issues in their lives to them to keep them from joining in the wedding reception for their only child–it’s not about you. If they won’t (or can’t) budge try to accommodate–you can have it all, just perhaps not the way you envisioned.

    Post # 33
    Member
    6734 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    applegirl80 :  Well your mother sounds pretty atrocious but I think a lot of PPs here are being unnecessarily harsh in their replies. Of course your in-laws don’t HAVE to come to the reception. It’s not a law or anything, but I can’t believe that all these people responding wouldn’t feel extremely hurt and disappointed if they were in your shoes. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee

     

    applegirl80 :  Dang, well let me just eat my words about being worried about your mom and him. Granted, I still would be, but that context really helps and I’m sorry you went through all of that crap, and at such a time!

     

    Can’t say I’ve ever been in a situation like that, but I wish you the absolute best.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1483 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    It’s not “against etiquette” or any rules but I would be hurt if my in-laws skipped my reception, so I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable.  

    Your in-laws don’t have to be around your mother at the reception.  Plenty of people have blended families where the current spouses don’t get along with the ex-spouses, and it’s just a matter of rearranging the seating chart to limit their interaction as much as possible. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I would be hurt, too. I agree, it feels like they are going through with formalities but don’t really care or support your marriage. I would think seating them across the venue and getting out early would be good enough.

    Post # 43
    Member
    3362 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    My Mother-In-Law came for the ceremony and then left 5 minutes into cocktail hour. I was bummed (and a bit annoyed as I didn’t have advanced warning and wouldn’t have ordered her a dinner if I’d known she wasn’t staying for the reception) that she didn’t stay, but I also know she’s very uncomfortable being around a lot of people drinking and I had a full open bar. I wish she would have stayed, but she also drove 14 hours round trip over the weekend just to come. I appreciated her attendance and accepted that she stayed for as long as she was comfortable. 

    His parents are attending the ceremony. That is the important part. The reception is a thank you to guests for coming, I don’t see it as an obligation for them to attend. 

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