Parental Blessing – Yay or Nay?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: Do you agree with the man asking the B2B's parents?
    Yes - purely for tradition's sake. : (5 votes)
    5 %
    Yes - out of respect/any other reason : (41 votes)
    41 %
    No - it's dated and I'm independent : (49 votes)
    49 %
    Other - state your vote : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

    I thought a lot about this because I’m 34 and established so the idea of parental permission seemed kind of silly.  But in the end, I thought it might mean a lot to my parents and establish some good will going in to wedding planning so I told my fiance to ask. 🙂

    Post # 3
    Member
    1539 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    It wasn’t important to me and it was more so to get their blessing and give them a heads up. It meant more to my dad that to me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    628 posts
    Busy bee

    I was glad that my fiance asked my dad’s permission. We all knew he would say yes, but I like the tradition of it, and I think it’s important to make parents feel involved in some way. Especially if they are going to be contributing financially.

    (Side note: he only asked my dad because my mom had been in on the ring selection, planning, etc., and knew a year before he actually proposed.)

    Your coworker is certainly entitled to her opinion, but clearly that is a trigger point for her. I can’t imagine many things that would make me go off on someone else, so I’d imagine for some reason that is a real issue for her. Maybe her fiance didn’t ask and her parents were upset and she had to deal with the aftermath, or maybe her parents don’t like her husband. Regardless,  I would bet her reaction has nothing at all to do with you, and try to forget it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I would have been livid if my Fiance asked my parents. Their opinion and “blessing” of the man I want to spend my life with has no baring on me. My opinion is the only one that matters.

    With that said, my Fiance asked my dogs permission and that was the best thing ever.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3425 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I totally agree with your coworker as far as what was best for me and my relationship, but the way she handled that was obviously so wrong. I don’t understand why she’d get so mad at anyone else for participating in a tradition. It’s clearly your choice, and I get that in more traditional families that is expected. Your coworker needs to chill. That was super rude of her. How old is she? I’m hoping she’s like 20 and will mature to realize that not everyone has to share her opinions.

    But yeah, there was no way I was letting my husband ask permission or whatever. My parents would have been mad, and so would I. However, I can totally respect that you and your parents may have been upset if he didn’t!

    Congrats on your engagement!

    Post # 7
    Member
    9192 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    DH did not ask for permission nor did he need it. we had already discussed and agreed we were getting married.
    he took my mom to lunch (my dad is deceased) and told her his intention and how much he loves me, how I make him a better person, yada, yada.

    my mom was very touched by the sentiment and wished us the best.

    Post # 8
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    He asked for my parent’s blessing because he knew that it was important to me. Then, my mother and cousin helped him out with the proposal details, and even though my father knew it was coming, he had no idea when. In the video we have of the proposal you can hear my 75 year old dad go “Wait. What is going on? What’s happening? Well that’s a surprise!” It’s adorable. I don’t feel like a possession of my parents, but we are very close and for me, it allowed them to be a part of the big event, and it made me feel like I had support on all sides. My parents have always tried to guide me in the right direction, and when I don’t listen to them, I usually regret it. 

    Your coworker probably has a reason for behaving the way that she did. Usually when people judge you, they’re actually railing against something in their own history, or something they themselves are afraid of or regret. Just smile and nod and allow her to be entitled to her opinion. We all know that when he asked permission he didn’t bring two goats and a ream of silk. 

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1631 posts
    Bumble bee

    My fiance and I both find the tradition to be bizarre, but to each her own. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    My husband did bc he knew it was important to my Dad.  My mom orginally said he didn’t have to bc I am 33 and have been married before but my dad quickly corrected her 😂 he’s just kinda old fashion/traditional in that regard.  I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to judge what works/is important for someone else

    Post # 11
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I think people should be respectful of other people’s desires. You wanted your fiance to ask so he should have asked.

    I didn’t want mine to ask and he never mentioned it. That should just be the end of the story.

    Post # 12
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I voted ‘other’ – because I really think it depends on the people and their beliefs. It’s not up to me to say how others should do it.

    My Darling Husband and I believe that we should have our parents’ blessing (note: this means both parents of both people getting married). We did this after we got engaged. We feel that family unity is very important. If someone is very against a wedding, how will that affect the family in the future? You’ll have to pick between your spouse and your parents, which can cause emotional pain and hardship. That being said, I don’t know what we would have done if one of our parents didn’t give their blessings! It may be that we would have ignored it and eloped!

    We didn’t feel any need for him to ask my parents (or specifically, my dad’s) blessing prior to our engagement. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1060 posts
    Bumble bee

    Permission? No, very outdated. Blessing? Yes, out of respect. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee

    I kinda like that tradition, I don’t see it as parental possession at all!! 

    I don’t see it as a necessity though, my Fiance didn’t ask my mum (my dad has passed away), and that’s cool too, my mum was over the moon when she found out regardless.

    It’s a very personal choice, everyone does things differently there is no need for your coworkers reaction at all!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    531 posts
    Busy bee

    ajillity81 :  I agree with this way!

    I think the decision to get married belongs solely to the couple, and asking for the parents’ permission is disingenuous (unless the couple is actually willing to break up should the parents disapprove).

    Instead, announcing the engagement (intent to marry) to the parents and asking for their blessing (which would be nice but not necessary) sounds better and is actually sincere.

    However, your colleague sounds rude and should keep her opinions to herself—at least if that’s the way she’s going to express them.

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