(Closed) Parental Drama – Well, Just One Side….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t know how to help you to make things better, and I don’t want to suggest something that would aggravate the situation but **HUGSSSS**

Post # 5
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

*HUGS*  Sucks that your dad and step mom are acting that way.  And it’s ok to vent on here, that’s what we’re here for!  Maybe when it gets closer to the wedding he will take a more active role.  If not, then I am really sorry. Hope things get better soon.

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes it does feel good to just write everything out. I would say, though, that perhaps you’re expecting a little much of your dad and stepmom?

My parents are together and I am very close to both of them. They aren’t paying for anything, though, and my dad is barely involved in the planning. Most guys honestly don’t care about that stuff. When we had a big, scheduled, “talk about the wedding” meeting my dad tuned out for most of it. So if I really want to tell him something or get an opinion, I ask him in a casual setting as we’re talking, and mention one issue at a time. “Hey, what do you think of using __ song for the father-daughter dance?” Or “Guess what, we booked this amazing DJ yesterday!” And it’s only about a few issues that would directly affect him. I definitely have NEVER shown him cake pictures or fabric swatches. Why would he care?  And mind you, my father only has my wedding to worry about, not another one that’s happening within weeks of yours! In addition to not really caring about what anyone’s cake looks like, your dad probably has been forced to hear a lot about the other wedding against his will. So he could  just be overwhelmed by wedding stuff!

As for your stepmom, even if she’s more interested in weddings in general, she is likely busy being focused on her daughter’s big day.

Whatever the reason, they clearly don’t want to be a big part of planning your wedding, and they’re trying to hint at it politely rather than flat out telling you. No matter how much you want to involve them, you can’t force them into it.

Anyway, I know it might not feel great when people close to you are not excited about your wedding. My FI’s stepmom (his primary parent) is generally very hands-off about it. Even my mom doesn’t want to hear about it half the time. But all you really need is for you and your Fiance to be excited and involved – everything else is extra. So enjoy the planning!

 

Post # 7
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry!!! That really sucks, we’ve been going through this with FI’s family.  It sorta bothers me, but I’m really not that close with them.  But I can tell how much it hurts him that his family has shown no real interest in the wedding.  He tried talking to his mom about it and she just said that it is too far away to think about. 

I just keep hoping that when we get closer they will get excited.  Just try and focus on the joy of the process, even though it is hard sometimes 😀

Post # 8
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

oh man, I would be crushed if my father behaved this way. Maybe not so much about not showing interest in a wedding…cause sometimes its hard to get people interested in the small details if that’s not something they’re into…but its your father and you are his daughter…he should have some emotional connection to this!

I don’t have any words of wisdom for you; I used to date a guy who was in the same type of situation actually. His father remarried a woman with three kids and all of a sudden my ex was forgetten about! In fact, my ex was in the Navy at the time his father remarried and instead of waiting until my ex would be home on leave (a mere month later than their wedding) they just got married without him or his brother (who also lived in another state) I couldn’t believe it! And it was a casual, jeans, thrown together in a week wedding….amazes me how selfish some people can be.  

Post # 9
Member
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My parents are together and my father has absolutely no intrest in the wedding other than the date and time that he needs to show up.  A lot of dads are like that.  But it sounds like due to some history and experiences you’ve had with your dad this makes it sting a bit more.  I’m sorry they aren’t more interested- but maybe you should count your blessings because they could be all up in your business and making it difficult for you!

Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am really sorry you have to deal with this.  It’s difficult because a lot of us have this idea in our heads of what our father will be like when it comes to our wedding.  I am the same way, I wanted my dad to be like all the dads in the wedding movies and TV shows.  My dad has been pretty good, but at the same time I know he really doesn’t care much about the details.  It sounds like he is probably getting a lot of wedding talk/pressure/grief from your stepmom already.  He might be taking the easiest road for him by distancing himself from your wedding without realizing how important it is and how much he is hurting you.  Dads can really miss the emotional stuff sometimes.  

Post # 11
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

OMG that is terrible.  He is your father, I can’t believe this is happening to you.  (((HUGS)))) Please dont let them ruin your big day.

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