(Closed) Parental Roles and Responsibilities

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

kfiorita:  Currently pregnant and dealing with these now…..

When to TTC? – I’m 33 and we didnt want to wait too long and possibly have issues as you never know how long these things can take. Were basically ready as we will be…. the only thing that would have held us back is simply having more time with “eachother”.

How many children? Still to be determined lol. I dont have my heart set on a number but for Darling Husband….”culturally” its like a mortal sin to have only one child, so he would like 2. We agreed we’ll see how this one goes 😉

Who stays home? I will be taking mat leave because a) Darling Husband makes more money and since the system SUCKS BALLS you can only get a maximum amount back on benefits so we’d be loosing too much money if Darling Husband took leave. I dont think it would work out for him to take it if Im breast feeding etc….and he wouldnt want to lol. After the 1 year I will go back to work, we cant afford for me to be Stay-At-Home Mom.

Who does child rearing? both of us. Obviously I’ll be a bit more hands on during the year of mat leave but we both plan to have an active role in rearing the child. Darling Husband has an uncle who pretty much doesnt do crap all/or care and he see’s how those children are/act and he constantly says “no child of mine will ever______”

Decide on use of discipline? We’ll see as we go. My Darling Husband was raised in an italian house where they were beat with the “wooden spoon” when they were bad….so thats something we’re talking about. Im not planning on hitting my kid but a smack on the hand when they are bad I think is fine. If I ever see my Mother-In-Law take a wooden spoon to my child I’ll rip it from her and smack her across the face with it!

Decide on how much family/friends interact with children? TBD…… I know my IL’s are going to want a lot more involvement then both Darling Husband and I want. We’ve talked about it and Darling Husband (as much as he loves his father) does NOT want Father-In-Law to have a large hand in “raising our kids”. Theres a lot of things about the way Father-In-Law was/is as a father that he doesnt want our kids exposed to. I think we’ll have to start talking more about it when we finally announce the pregnancy etc and see their reactions/expectations….and my parents dont live where we are so …. they will just be visiting a few times a year.

How to factor in family time into busy lifestyle? This is one thing I’ve been warned about. The parents of the baby seem to get lost in the hustle of life and also because of the outside demands of “everyone else”. I know 100% our parents are going to have unrealistic unfair expectations for spending time together (as they already do now so I can only imagine when there’s a baby). A lot of friends have warned me that you need to make time for eachother as a couple/as parents. For example: weeknights are a writeoff…. its going to be as is now (end work at 530-6pm, come home dead tired, slap something together for dinner and just go braindead on the couch for a while before bed…. with a baby…. I’ll be home after being up all night and of course there all day – dead tired, he’ll be tired coming home, then we’ll eat something and he will take the baby so I can have a break to take a shower or a nap etc….. then he’ll need to go to bed. So basically…. you dont get a lot of time together, at least “quality” time.

That leaves the weekends….and if Im going to be as busy as everyone says I will be…. Im not going to be able to get a lot of stuff done (at least in the beginning when your getting your bearings) like doing the full houseclean (and I mean clean not like cosmetic tidying), the big cart full grocery shop, 500 loads of laundry, Darling Husband has 2 fushtanks that take hours to clean every week etc etc…. so ALL the household crap that I wont be able to do on my own will have to get done on say saturday….when Darling Husband is home to help. So again…..not really quality time. So we’re left with sundays? (or whatever day you prefer to have your “do shit day”) But thats basically the only day we’re going to have to guarantee we can just relax and hang out etc…. Darling Husband family will (put money on it) expect us to have EVERY sunday with them…. Im sorry but if life works out to be what I just described theres no way in HELL we’re carting all our crap up to their place all day or having them over all day EVERY freakin weekend!! We talked about this a bit before TTC but soon I’ll be bringing it up again before we announce that I want every second weekend off as “US” time or else we will start to become one of those robotic couples who just go through the motions because all we do is say yes to “please other people” and thats not fair to our family unit or our marriage! Having a balance/finding a balance is something thats important and our families are going to have to understand that OUR relationship comes first and if we need to skip some sundays then thats it! They dont seem to understand that even though we live together, we dont really “see” eachother a lot lol…. if that makes sense? lol I mean it really is just going through the motions during the week until the weekends and we always have stuff we need to do (seperatly).

Most important thing you want to teach them? not sure yet

Do you incorporate religious beliefs in everyday? Were both technically catholic but not exactly “practicing” like go to church etc… I do think Darling Husband will want to incorporate some spiritual things once the baby comes though, just have this feeling. But the amount and what will have to be discussed lol.

Post # 17
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

how did you decide WHEN to TTC? We decided to try right away once we were married. Darling Husband was turned 30 right before the wedding and thought it was a good age to start a family. I have always wanted babies so I was really just waiting for his go ahead the whole time we were together.

how did you decide HOW MANY children to have? This one we are still talking about. We agreed we wanted to have at least 2. I think Darling Husband would perfer just 2, but I might want 3 and we decided to just see how the first 2 go. I ended up with a c-section with our first, so I am not sure I want to go through 2 more c-sections. We will see.

how did you decide who would stay home? If at all possible I would be the one to stay home because I am the one who spends the most time with our little one as she is breastfeeding. Plus, Darling Husband makes 60% more than me. 

how did you decide who would do majority of the child rearing? We never really talked about it. We just had the baby and because of maternity leave and then summer break (I’m a teacher) I am home all day with her and do pretty much all of the child care. I have a rule though that Darling Husband has to do at least one diaper a day. I also hand Dear Daughter over to him when he gets home so that I can relax for 15-20 minutes.

how did you decide on the use of discipline on your children? We just happen to agree on many aspects of discipline. We have always talked about it when it would just come up from being around other children. If there was something we didn’t agree on, we would discuss it and usually either compromise or one of us would end up convincing the other.

how did you decide on how much your family/friends would interact with your children? We agreed from the beginning that we wanted family and friends to be very involved in our childrens’ lives. We both believe in the “it takes a village” method to raising kids. 

How did you factor in family time into a busy lifestyle?  We don’t go out during the week and on weekends we are always homr by 8:00. For us, spending time home as a family and sticking to a strict bedtime routine is more important thsn s social life.

If you could pick one thing, what is the most important thing you wanted to teach your child/children? To be nice and respectful to everyone.

 

Post # 19
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

kfiorita:  your welcome lol. Your BOTH italian? lord help you with getting some space for yourselves hahahahahahahaha. Half kidding half not. My IL’s are great people but man…. its a LOT to deal with sometimes, so I can only imagine with both sets.

The involvement is definatly something we’ll be talking about more though because there are a few philosophies Mother-In-Law has mentioned throughout the past few years that I dont agree with and they are things that would have an effect on our kid. One example is even though shes a wonderful lady and an amazing cook shes not exactly…. health concious. Shes a bit overweight herself and more or less always has been….and when Darling Husband and SIL were kids they were both overweight. She loves to “love” by feeding people and she thinks that kids should have a proper cooked FULL meal the same as dinner for lunches…and Im like well…. it depends on what your making cause if its laddened with butter/oil like most of your food then hell no!! I dont want to offend her but… there’s a reason she had fat kids and Darling Husband and I both want our kids to be healthy and learn proper nutrition etc….  Mother-In-Law actually assumed at one point that she would be taking care of our kids like a nanny and when Darling Husband told me I was like ummmmmm, for several reasons which we will discuss thats not happening lol.

Post # 21
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

kfiorita:  lol, its so funny cause she actually “thinks” what shes cooking is healthy. My Darling Husband has been starting to get concerned with their health in the last year or so because Father-In-Law was under a LOT of stress at one point and we thought he was going to be risk for a heart attack (he’s not exactly in shape either)…..Mother-In-Law is as I said overweight but she also has debilitating back issues….sciatica in her nerves, shoulder issues, she’s seriously injured herself and lost mobility in one of her hands for a while last year etc etc…(her health being one of my biggest reasons I dont think shes fit to take care of a 1 year old that she needs to be able to lift and get on the floor, run around with etc) and he’s been trying to hint they need to start being healthier etc…. and shes like “this isnt bad…. its just a bit of pasta and sauce with some meat” LOL….. (as shes cutting off a huge block of butter (maybe 1/3 cup) into the cooked pasta to coat it, and the sauce made with the not fat drained meat with an added cup or 2 of oil)

lmao Darling Husband said mom….. really? she was like what? … then when she was putting stuff away she was like…. “oh… hmmmm…. maybe I was wrong” hahahahahahaha.

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