(Closed) Parenting before Marriage??

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Parenting or Marriage first?
    Planning to be parents before marriage... : (12 votes)
    11 %
    Marriage first.... : (96 votes)
    85 %
    I dont want kids I just like polls. : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7779 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    DH and I’s original plan was not ever to get married. We were just going to live together, have kids, etc. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would never have considered deliberately having a kid with someone without being married to him first.  I might have looked into adopting as a single mom if I had stayed single long enough.  If I’d had some sort of birth control failure I probably would have kept the baby.  But a planned out-of-wedlock pregnancy was completely off the table.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6010 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @zippylef:  That was my plan, too.  DH was actually the one who insisted on marriage!  🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    5480 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We decided that we wanted to be married before having a baby.  We did start TTC before we got married though, but only a month ahead of time.  We happened to be one of those very lucky couples who got pregnant right away and I was several weeks along at my wedding, but we had been engaged for 2 years and didn’t want to wait any longer. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2832 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We will be getting married first and starting a family a few years after that. I have seen way too many couples have the kids first and have not made it. Although these kids were happy accidents so I can’t really comment on choosing to have kids first I guess.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7779 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @Mrs. Spring:  Haha, us too! He’s the one that brought it up and wanted to get engaged! I would have been content not getting married. 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I would only ever intentionally get pregnant after I’m married. If I wasn’t the marrying type, I would totally have kids with my long term partner. But alas, that is not me!

    Post # 11
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I am not going to have children, but I do feel like its better to be married or in a very long term relationship (over 5 years if marriage isn’t your thing) before having children. I think marriage and long term relationships provide security that a short term relationship just can’t. Kids need stability for a healthy life, and so I wouldn’t just randomly have kids with my boyfriend of two years — it just seems like a bad move.

    Post # 12
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee

    I would never plan to have children with a man who wasn’t my husband. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    4282 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t have planned kids before a marriage, but if an unplanned pregnancy happened, I wouldn’t have had a problem raising it outside of marriage.

    Post # 14
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I personally would not plan to have children outside of marriage. My cousin did and she’s miserable. Her situation sucks (not with baby daddy, nosupport from baby daddy, baby daddy has two other kids with two other women that her chid will never know, etc.) no one was happy for her, people are straight-up rude to her, and it’s nothing I would ever want to emulate. She also, at 30, lived with her parents for the first two years of her child’s life. She and her child’s father were together for 3 years before having their child.

    While marriages can and do fail, I think relationships fail at higher rates (I’ve never met anyone with more ex-husbands than ex-boyfriends). Marriage also provides legal protections that are harder to establish in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I was very adamant about not having children outside of marriage (religion also factored in, but everyone has their own beliefs there).

    Post # 16
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @Serey:  Marriage isn’t just a title though. It’s a commitment. It’s standing up and vowing to love one another until death do you part, and again, there are a huge amount of legal protections afforded to married couples. Why not get married first? If you aren’t sure SO is the one you want to spend your life with, don’t have a child with him. Marriages can fail, relationships can fail, but children are forever. You would see your ex at every life event: graduation, wedding, grandchildren, etc. 

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