(Closed) Parents (&/or other relatives) who cannot be in the same room together

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my sister and her family havent been in the same room as our mom in 15yrs – when we were planning a wedding i flat out told my sister that they were going to have to figure out between themselves who was coming as i wasnt picking sides

we eloped in the end and after the wedding my mom had a luncheon with about 30 people at a restaurant and my sister and her family come to our after wedding party

Post # 4
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i’m starting by asking them to be mature. (my mom and dad don’t get along – they are both remarried now). My mom and step dad promise that they will be mature but have asked me to not seat them with my dad (um, duh). We actually weren’t going to have a seating chart, but when I realized that with my luck the last 4 seats would be with each other – and it’d be my parents – I was all “okay, seating chart it is!” Plus my coordinator suggested it. I’m keeping my dad’s family away from my mom’s. My coordinator also suggested that I warn my photgrapher so he’s not all “okay, let’s get alllll of Holly’s family together!!”

My dad was all “You can’t make me be nice to her” and I said I could make him be civil/not go out of his way to be an ass or I’d have him escorted out. I also told him I have bigger fish to fry right now than him crying over the spilt milk that is this situation, so please be an adult.

I’m not just hoping that they behave – I’m going out of my way to request it. My uncle (I was emailing with him and just said it’d mean a lot to me if he could be nice) was seemingly unaware of his and the rest of his family antics. Knowing him, he really had no clue that he can be rude and mean. I know for a friend of mine who has similar family issues, they asked a few of the groomsmen to be “security” and if anyone got out of hand to kick them out. She also had the bartender not serve anyone who seemed drunk (good rule anyway).

Post # 5
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We have a couple of people on our guest list who cant sit at the same table, but I hope they can handle being in the same room with each other. Fiance discussed seating charts already and I just know its going to be a nightmare. 

Post # 6
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, no.  My dad refused to enter the church we chose to get married in, saying, “if they think what your mother did is okay I am walking out of there!”  As if, our Church condoned it or something… (but his strict Church would not marry non-members…)

I think it depends who you are dealing with and if they can be decent for a day.  Mine couldn’t, so we canceled :/

Post # 7
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I had this situation at my 21st. My mum and my brother dont speak to each other so my brother said he wasn’t coming. I got upset and told him that it was unfair I didn’t get to have those family moments because of them and he sort of saw my point and came. Well that and my grandad who my brother respects a lot had a word to him that he should be there. 

Post # 8
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just don’t get involved as much as you can.  Make it clear that your opinion is that they are adults and should be able to behave for one evening–you’re not getting involved and are not choosing sides.  If either or both act like idiots, they will be escorted out and you will no longer be on speaking terms.

Treat them like the children they are acting like.  Seriously–2 adults can’t play nice with 100 other people for the sake of someone they love?  

Make a seating chart and make sure that they are seated far away from one another and away from high traffic areas (like putting one at a table right by the bar, the bathroom or the dancefloor so that the other can’t really avoid interacting with them)

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