Parents 40th anniversary… feeling like a bad daughter

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 2
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Give them a call on the day and wish them a happy anniversary and tell them how happy you are to be their daughter 🙂

Anniversaries are special events for the people in the relationship. You aren’t in the relationship, and are not obligated to celebrate it for them! My parents have five children, and every year they celebrate their anniversary with just the two of them– it is THEIR special day after all.

Post # 3
153 posts
Blushing bee

I’m guessing your parents were telling the truth when they said becoming a grandparent is their present! If you feel that bad why not send them flowers and an e-card to a nice restaurant? Or if you are feeling a bit more creative you can arrange a family photo shoot when they are in town, and gift them a quality portrait of them and their new grandbaby.

Post # 4
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

40 years is a ‘ruby’ wedding anniversary – why don’t you find a jewelled picture frame and put an appropriate poem in it (or write one yourself?) – that could be mailed, too.

FWIW, I do think this is a non-issue and your hormones are getting the better of you. I think your parents said it all with the grandchild comment – they sound very sweet indeed 🙂


Post # 5
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh my gosh this is so funny. This weekend is my grandparents’ 50th anniversary and they said no to a party, a nice family dinner, every idea we could think of!! They decided instead to go to a nice hotel on a nearby lake, just the two of them, and make reservations at a nice restaurant. We are calling the restaurant to let them know it’s their anniversary and to pay for their dinner and get wine/flowers delivered. Maybe this is a possibility for you? If you could find them a nice room somewhere nearby it scenic and pay for it, that’d be cool too.

Other ideas you can do from afar: tickets to do something fun even if it isn’t this weekend (like a performer they like coming to their area soon?); purchase a date night for them – like a dinner out somewhere they wouldn’t normally take themselves or a cooking class, a paint and wine night, or an escape room?

Post # 6
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

hollyberry4 :  Aw, sorry you are feeling bad! I would take them at their word that they are excited about going on a trip and excited about becoming grandparents. Some people are not big-party people. My parents had their 40th anniversary two summers ago and I honestly don’t remember what my brother and I did, so it must not have been much! OK I just looked through my old emails. My brother and I made them a card with a picture from their wedding and gave them money toward a nice dinner out for their anniversary get-away. Sounds like your parents are low-key and low maintenance so I don’t think you have to do anything big! 🙂 

Post # 7
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Is there something you can do for them on the cruise? I would call the cruise line or the hotel they’re staying at before hand and arrange for champagne and strawberries or something a little special like that. 

I would call or send them a card for their anniversary and maybe a gift card to their favourite restaurant if you want to do something.

Post # 8
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would send a card- maybe a gift card to a resturant, and just call them on the day.  It doesn’t sound like they wanted a big party or anything anyway!!

Post # 9
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

Give them a gift card for a favourite restaurant or call up the place and make a card payment and let them know their night out is all paid for on whatever night they want to book.

Post # 10
833 posts
Busy bee

Aww bee. You sound sweet. Yes I think maybe paying for an excursion for them on their trip would be nice. Or maybe surprising them with a cake at the baby shower towards the end as a surprise? But I’m sure having a grandchild will be the best gift of all. 

My parents are also celebrating their 40th next year and I’m already feeling pressure to do something since Im the “planner” of the family. I know how you feel!

Post # 11
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

hollyberry4 :  I second a nice photo frame (maybe insert their wedding photo into it) and a gift card to a nice restaurant where they can celebrate on their own.

Post # 13
45534 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

hollyberry4 :  All cruise lines have regulations about what alcohol can brought on board. If you know the ship they are cruising, you can look up the rules online. Otherwise, phone the line and ask for help arranging a special dinner or wine.


Post # 14
4347 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

As someone who just recently celbrated their 20 year anniversary, I can tell you that this is not an occasion I expect my children (or anyone else) to celebrate. It is touching that you want to do something special for them, and I agree that either arranging a special dinner on their cruise or even sending them flowers, a bottle of wine and a GC to a nice restaurant at home would be a really generous thing to do. But an anniversary really is for the two people involved to celebrate. And I agree that a grandchild (while my kids aren’t even close to that milestone yet) is the best gift for most parents.

Post # 15
1968 posts
Buzzing bee

Please don’t feel guilty. I have two grandchildren under a year old each, and another expected. Much more of a party than one with just grown ups!

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