- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’m new to the hive and I really need advice.
My parents are driving me nuts. I have been with my fiance for 4 yrs and my parents have always seemed to treat him like part of the family..until he proposed that is. Then he became an enemy of the state.
It all started with him planning the proposal and trying to include them as part of the occasion, as he thought that they might share our excitement and joy. Oh boy was he wrong. My dad was so angry with him and accused him of being disrespectful, not asking him for permission to marry his daughter before planning the proposal, and tells my fiance that he was gonna hire a PI to check on his background!! And dad then gets mom to send me countless nasty smses which ends with how disappointed they are with me for having no self worth, practically being so desperate to be married off that I would let a guy just go ahead and propose to me without making sure he asked my dad for my hand in marriage.
Sigh. And all this even before I knew he was gonna propose. So ya I was plenty upset, they really sucked all the joy out of what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. They insisted that they wanted to meet with his parents and talk to them (since we are kids with no idea of anything). We are both 28 by the way.My Future In-Laws were very understanding of the whole situation and agreed to meet up with them for a dinner, but the dinner basically was just my dad doing all the talking, and my fiance trying to reason with him to no avail.
Anyway, my fiance and I decided to go on with the wedding, hoping that my parents would come around and maybe be able to accept it in time.Then, about a month after,we were over at my parents place for dinner, trying to act like all was back to normal when my mom sees my engagement ring, and her reaction was “oh, thats big”. And for the rest of the dinner, we eat in stony silence.
So we were still trying to make nice with them, went back about 3 wks ago, when my mom started ranting about how I CANNOT use white flowers at the wedding as it is against tradition, although I have never mentioned anything about any flowers, and from that she goes on to say that my fiance has a lot of nerve coming to their house and not even trying to be part of the conversations after all that has happened.Then she goes on to say that I will regret for the rest of my life because I cannot see how I am marrying a guy who has no respect for our family and hence will never appreciate me or treat me right. I’m not even asking them for a dollar for all the wedding expenses. Everything is being paid my Future In-Laws,my fiance and I. And yet, every step of the way, my parents are complaining about the everything we choose to do with their now standard reply “We never did any of that for our wedding.”And that was when I really lost it. I just couldn’t take it anymore. We got into a screaming match, and I told her all I’ve ever wanted was for my parents to be supportive and happy for me. I left the house in tears and haven’t went back since.
And while all this is happening, my best friend’s dad got admitted to hospital and the docs don’t know what is wrong with him until now, so I can’t tell her what is going on with me either, coz I don’t want her to worry anymore that she already is.In addition, another close friend (who i was planning to ask to be a bridesmaid) got really upset when I told her that I was getting married, coz she has been having some problems with her bf. So everytime I tell her about something about the wedding, she keeps telling me I made the wrong decision. I.e. after I sign up for a florist and paid a deposit, the very next day she tells me, that there are so many better florist out there, and proceeds to send me a list of florists which cost double or triple. And I try explaining to her we are working with a really tight budget, but she just doesn’t want to listen.
I feel really lost and guilty and just so terribly sad and I don’t know how to proceed from here.Am I wrong to want my parents and close friends to share in our joy? Am I asking too much of them? Have I done something wrong that warrants such unhappiness from the people I love most?
Please help. 🙁