Post # 17
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Until you move out, when your parents say anything about your fiance, reply like this, “He is going to be my husband, and I love him.” Then repeat, “I love him.” “But I love him, mom.” and “Okay, dad, you’re not perfect, but mom loves you. I love him.” and, “He’s not like that, and I love him.” Stare them in the face and say, “he’s good enough for me. I love him.” and keep staring until they look away.
Post # 18
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
I think this is more a case of familiarity breeds contempt. Living with someone generally makes them harder to bear, so I’m not surprised that your parents are seeing all the negatives of your fiance. Move out, don’t make a big deal of it and say it’s because of their rudeness, just say it’s because you all need your own space and you and fiance want to start living more independently.
Why are you concerned they would disown you? Have they implied that they hate him that much, or are they old-fashioned and don’t believe in living together before marriage?
Post # 19
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Your parents need to learn boundaries. It’s understandable that it’s difficult for them to do that when you all live together. Move out. Best of luck!
Post # 20
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
@LadyElva: I have tried having a serious conversation with them telling them it is time for us to move out… Time to have our own space. They state my fiancé is pushing me to make the decision and it is a stupid decision on my part. They get very upset when I mention anything about an apartment.
I live in Virginia beach so apartments are a little expensive we found a 1 bedroom town home in a really nice area for 865. I work in the mortgage industry and know right now that we can’t afford a mortgage because the cost of living in Va Beach is ridiculous. However, I have done our finances tried to explain to them with all the bills and my car payment we will still have over 1000 dollar surplus. They just don’t care. ):
Post # 21
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
@futuremrsmaxwell2209: “However, I have done our finances tried to explain to them with all the bills and my car payment we will still have over 1000 dollar surplus.”
You don’t owe them an explanation regarding whether or not you can make ends meet. Just move out. This seems like a no-brainer to me. Cut the cord. If you can’t do that, you really have no business getting married.
Post # 22
Member
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
I think your parents may be so difficult because they just don’t want to let you go. But you have to grow up sometime! I live with my fiance’s parents right now because of my finances. They are beautiful people that I love, and they are so nice to me. I’m excited to join their family!!! But even I would get my own place asap if I could afford it. I’m just ready to be my own person and make my own house rules, etc.
Even my mom had a slight hard time when I left living with her to go live with them because of a job. She knew I 1)had no choice, really, and 2)was going to live with wonderful people, back in my college town (so my second home :P) and 3)I would be with my Fiance which would happen soon anyway. And she even once or twice tried to talk me out of it. It’s because we’re very close and she misses me. So I think your parents are just irrationally acting out because you’re growing up.
Post # 23
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
@Sunnyday278: I am trying to look at it that way but they honestly just act like I am so stupid for doing it. Not to mention my mother talks to people about how I want to “play house” and that I’m not ready for it. I am young but responsible and know what I can afford and cannot afford. I hope you are right. I am to the point where I am about to pull my hair out. My fiancé has been so supportive and has honestly told me it is my decision. He just loves me unconditionally and I can’t believe they don’t see it.
Post # 24
Member
31 posts
Newbee
Not worth it to stay. Do move out.
They probably don’t take you too seriously since you are still under their influence, so maybe moving out will help.
How old are you? From what you say, your parents don’t think you are ready and want to keep you home as long as possible.
Still, if you and your man are willing to make it work, you need to do it yourselves, not with your parents breathing down your back.
Post # 25
Member
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
It’s just so unfair for you to be at your wits end like this 🙁 I truly think moving out is the best bet. And I hope that if you decide to go that route, your parents kind of come to their senses, and that they can see you’re a responsible adult ready to take on the world with a wonderful man who loves you. (And if you do move out and do just fine, your mom will have to swallow her words….) Just know that so far, 44:1 of the bees think you should move! So it’s definitely not so dumb, after all 😉
Post # 26
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
I would flat out tell them that no amount of money saved is worth living with their constant criticism of my future husband and the way we run our lives. Then I would pack and get the hell out of Dodge.
Post # 27
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
Stop asking permission to move out. Tell your parents this is “my and Fiance decision”, $700 is not cheap rent IMO.
Post # 28
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
@futuremrsmaxwell2209: Move out! Moreso for his sake than yours. It would be extremely unfair for him to continue to be exposed to their negative attitude. Not to mention, when you marry someone if you’re financially able to, you should live on you own with your spouse.
Post # 29
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
“Mom, Dad… you cannot say negative things about my fiancé to me anymore. I am marrying him and that is final.” My husband’s mother used to say nasty things about me to him. He shut it down.
Member