(Closed) Parents and the fiance….

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you stay or move out?

    Stay

    Move Out

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1413 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    Until you move out, when your parents say anything about your fiance, reply like this, “He is going to be my husband, and I love him.” Then repeat, “I love him.” “But I love him, mom.” and “Okay, dad, you’re not perfect, but mom loves you. I love him.” and, “He’s not like that, and I love him.” Stare them in the face and say, “he’s good enough for me. I love him.” and keep staring until they look away. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    1900 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think this is more a case of familiarity breeds contempt. Living with someone generally makes them harder to bear, so I’m not surprised that your parents are seeing all the negatives of your fiance. Move out, don’t make a big deal of it and say it’s because of their rudeness, just say it’s because you all need your own space and you and fiance want to start living more independently.

    Why are you concerned they would disown you? Have they implied that they hate him that much, or are they old-fashioned and don’t believe in living together before marriage?

    Post # 19
    Hostess
    7547 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Your parents need to learn boundaries. It’s understandable that it’s difficult for them to do that when you all live together. Move out. Best of luck! 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @futuremrsmaxwell2209:  “However, I have done our finances tried to explain to them with all the bills and my car payment we will still have over 1000 dollar surplus.”

    You don’t owe them an explanation regarding whether or not you can make ends meet.  Just move out.  This seems like a no-brainer to me.  Cut the cord.  If you can’t do that, you really have no business getting married.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    I think your parents may be so difficult because they just don’t want to let you go. But you have to grow up sometime! I live with my fiance’s parents right now because of my finances. They are beautiful people that I love, and they are so nice to me. I’m excited to join their family!!! But even I would get my own place asap if I could afford it. I’m just ready to be my own person and make my own house rules, etc.

    Even my mom had a slight hard time when I left living with her to go live with them because of a job. She knew I 1)had no choice, really, and 2)was going to live with wonderful people, back in my college town (so my second home :P) and 3)I would be with my Fiance which would happen soon anyway. And she even once or twice tried to talk me out of it. It’s because we’re very close and she misses me. So I think your parents are just irrationally acting out because you’re growing up.

    Post # 24
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    Not worth it to stay. Do move out.

    They probably don’t take you too seriously since you are still under their influence, so maybe moving out will help.

    How old are you? From what you say, your parents don’t think you are ready and want to keep you home as long as possible.

    Still, if you and your man are willing to make it work, you need to do it yourselves, not with your parents breathing down your back.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    It’s just so unfair for you to be at your wits end like this 🙁 I truly think moving out is the best bet. And I hope that if you decide to go that route, your parents kind of come to their senses, and that they can see you’re a responsible adult ready to take on the world with a wonderful man who loves you. (And if you do move out and do just fine, your mom will have to swallow her words….) Just know that so far, 44:1 of the bees think you should move! So it’s definitely not so dumb, after all 😉

    Post # 26
    Member
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I would flat out tell them that no amount of money saved is worth living with their constant criticism of my future husband and the way we run our lives. Then I would pack and get the hell out of Dodge.

    Post # 27
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Stop asking permission to move out. Tell your parents this is “my and Fiance decision”, $700 is not cheap rent IMO. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @futuremrsmaxwell2209:  Move out!  Moreso for his sake than yours.  It would be extremely unfair for him to continue to be exposed to their negative attitude.  Not to mention, when you marry someone if you’re financially able to, you should live on you own with your spouse.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    “Mom, Dad… you cannot say negative things about my fiancé to me anymore. I am marrying him and that is final.” My husband’s mother used to say nasty things about me to him. He shut it down.  

    The topic ‘Parents and the fiance….’ is closed to new replies.

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