(Closed) Parents are keeping part of Wedding Gift…. Is it ok?

posted 12 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

if you’d known that ahead of time you would have just told htem to keep their 3rd.  I don’t like this tradition – i hope you can figure it out amicably!  I mean, if you thought like that for everything, if you host a holiday dinner for your family, are you going to open the sweater that you bought for them, and then rip it out of their hands and wear it and say it’s yours now, forever?  The tradition is just not translating to your wedding.  Your husband’s family and friends that gave you money will not understand and not appreciate that you guys didn’t receive your gifts.  That would cause a rift, for sure.

Post # 17
1 posts

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minni5877:  Same goes with me 🙁 my fiancee told me that the money gift will goes to his parents to recover for the reception expenses. They will be spending 2/3 of the wedding, the rest will come from my savings. i asked my fiancee, how about the 1/3 that i spent, he said that his parents will also fix the house (his parent’s property) that we will living as well. 2/3 chunk of the wedding expense goes to the reception alone and we werent even asked where we want our reception to be.  My family told me to raise this issue with him, but i also dont want to hurt him . any advices?

Post # 18
32 posts

I have a friend who is Vietnamese and a friend who is Indian and I know this is the custom for both of their families and cultures, so yes I would say it is a cultural difference.  Given that your parents did not front the entire cost of the wedding though, I would think it would be appropriate for you to request a portion of the gift money, if only to partially offset the amount you and your husband invested in the day.  Depending on the cost of the wedding and the amount of gifts, it also may be that the money isn’t enough to offset what your parents DID spend on the wedding.  In other words, it may not be the case that they are “profitting” here.

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