(Closed) Parents are not supporting my decision…Help.

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Weddings/engagements bring out the most ugly side of people and for some reason especially parents. I’ve barely talked to my mother all year because of the way she’s been acting. She went cuckoo and not for cocoa puffs! She thinks my fiance turned me against her. Yep at almost 38 years of age, I can be brainwashed and am not capable of thinking on my own.

You’ve got to make a decision….give in to their manipulation/emotional blackmail or take a stand and refuse to be bullied anymore. I took a stand and eliminated the stress and drama from my life. I have enough to deal with and didnt need the extra nonsense. Do what’s best for you and your fiance.

Good luck!


Post # 4
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@starskittles:( raising hand waving it frantically) me me me! lol! sounds kinda like my parents only without them having savings for me ( ouch on that btw).


ok, girl,

I AM 31 and my parents said I am too young to marry.

I have my BA my MA and my teaching credentials ( 3 different kinds) and have taught 7 years. They say I need to finish my studies. yeah.

I’ve known Fiance 19 years but, they say we havnt been dating long enough.

Mom said she wont come to the wedding and has said the MOST hurtful things. 

Remain calm (TRUST me easier said than done but it is possible) it’s kind of a smile and nod kind of thing. when my mom started to say mean things I would just say. ” mom, that is so inappropriate and just mean!” They didnt chill till they asked me to go to Florida ( i live in Cali) for thanksgiving, all my sisters will be there and i said no. I told her she’s been mean and there are consequences to her behavior, like her daughter not wanting to spend $1500 to see them so they can be mean to me in person. I kust kept our convo’s short and would tell them calmly ” I am getting married, i am sorry for how you feel, it’s unfortunate and I hope you have a change of heart. oh, AND my parents gave my Fiance their blessing…YEAH! My mom said she didnt think he’d propose “so soon

I takes a lot of strenth but it gets easier. i am not gonna let my mom ruin this for me. This all went down in july and here we are in November. They are getting over it. My sis chewed them out about it all and as of now they say they will come. BUT I am not counting on them to be there. I refuse to be heartbroken on our wedding day. Besides, even IF you waited til you are 30, would that really be enough for them? maybe maybe not. You aren’t 17…you are 25. A woman and adult. I told my mom that i have always been responisible and have always made good decisions that were best for me and my son ( he’s 12) and that she just had to trust that I was continuing to do that.  i hope they come around soon hun. I am glad to hear your friends and his fam are giving you support. My Fiance fam doesnt know whats going on with my fam but they have been super wonderful. much luck to you.


Post # 5
3175 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry they are doing this to you. I understand that parents have expectations, hopes and dreams for their children, but in no way are you letting them down like they are making it seem! I think they are having a hard time not making all the decisions in your life and letting you be your own person, not that they have real issues with your Fiance. I wish you all the best of luck and when you do talk to your parents keep to your talking points without losing it and stooping to a yelling match. This will get you nowhere. 

Post # 6
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s terrible, I’m sorry you have to experience that, and I wish I knew how to help.

Post # 8
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

((hugs)) to you… it’s times like these that you really have to think about what family means to you.  we don’t get to choose our parents. they helped raise you and have supported you in the past, but they clearly are not doing that now.  your chosen family (your Fiance, your friends, etc) is supportive of and happy for you, and that’s what matters.  as painful as it is to cut ties to your past, sometimes it’s what’s necessary in order for us to truly become who we are meant to be.  your future life with your future husband/children will be stronger and happier without the drama.  good luck as you go forward, and whenever you are feeling hurt by your family’s actions/words (to the extent that you interact with them), your husband and friends will be your source of comfort.

Post # 9
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I dont know how old your parents are but being unemployed meant something way WAY different back in the day. But is still sounds like they want you to date around and “find something better” 🙁 my parents said the same thing.

Post # 11
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“They had savings for me, which they took my name off of…”

“We live in different state…”

“Long distance relationship for two years….”

Read your own words.

Up until this point you have had a long distance relationship, with a man still in grad school, who is barely 25, and whom you had relationship problems with. To top it all off you are dependant financially on your parents  “they had savings for me, which they took my name off of” , you’re only 24 AND you’re not willing to have a “close distance” relationship for at least a year before taking the plunge.

I see so many red flags for a minute there i though i was in Russia.

Your parents are not “manipulating or bullying” you.  Your parents are looking out for YOUR BEST INTEREST.

As a parent myself (one grown-barely) i love and am supportive as much as possible. But if my kids came to me with something like the above situation–i am not going to sugar coat it when i see so many red flags and know full well this could mean trouble.

Often times when people are young (inexperienced) and in love they don’t see what older, more experienced folks see.

If you are so impatient that cannot handle an extra year of close distance dating, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t really that big of a deal, then how are you ever going to handle issues within your marriage that may require patience and delayed gratification?

Are you that afraid that he won’t stick around for a year or that he’ll change his mind? Seriously what’s the rush?


Post # 12
4485 posts
Honey bee

If you love this man and want to spend the rest of your lives together, that’s your choice. Your parents may not like it but they will come to terms with it down the road after the reality sets in. This really is not their decision to make.

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