- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So, my fiancé and I have been dating a year, and this summer we were forced to be realistic about our future: Im American studying in England, and we finally realised that my prospects for getting job with all the visas restrictions was basically nil. So, it was get married, or… not be together – so we are getting married! (Yay!) we are both really happy about it, we’ve talked about everything in the future, we are not jumping in rashly, etc.
Anyway, my parents have been… Difficult. They were concerned this wasn’t the best option, calling it a marriage of convenience, and eventually we saw an immigration lawyer to convince them that this was a good idea. By that time, my aunt ho had been sick with cancer for over a year was failing fast, so my parents aske us not to announce the engagement. Having been sitting on this for at least a month already, we were disappointed, as we want to shout this to the world! but I understood how they were feeling, as her passing was hard on me too and it really was rotten timing, and abided by their wishes. It stressed me out a little because obviously we couldn’t talk about weddings, but it was okay. I did say to them that we have to get married in the UK as I can’t leave and re-enter on my current student visa after university ends, and I asked them if they were okay with that, and try said yes. My fiance’s parents live by the sea, so we were thinking we could have a tiny wedding this fall there, as it is beautiful and inexpensive. They said they were okay with that, too, as I wanted to be sure. My mom and I started talking about details, and said she was on board with everything, and I invited her to come here to do some wedding stuff (dress etc) with me – because I really want then to feel involved. Just recently they emailed saying we should do a civil ceremony, and then a wedding in their church next summer. We said we loved that idea, but still wanted a small wedding in a church the first time – not in a public office. My parents have said that it isn’t “appropriate” to have two weddings, and if we decide to have the ceremony in the UK, they are “disappointed”, and see “no role for them except to attend”.
i am devestated. I feel as though they just aren’t happy about this. They have no problem with my fiancé, I think it just took them by surprise and they feel like they are losing me to the UK. But I really need their support. As an international couple, there are a lot of things that are out of our control (such as timing) but we can still have a special experience with our loved ones to celebrate the beginning of our lives together, except I can’t even pick a date and venue until my parents are on board. I can’t bring myself to just say “sorry you feel that way” or any such thing… I think they use the word in”appropriate” for anything they don’t want or aren’t use to. Many international couples have two weddings…. I just want my family to be happy for us.
sorry for typos, there is some very strange auto-correcting going on. I really need advice – I just don’t know what to say to them, or what to do.