Post # 1
Member
17 posts
Newbee
Some of you know already that I’m planning to propose to my girlfriend next week while we are in Hawaii.
Need to be sure I’ve done ok on my engagemnt ring.
What I want to ask now is do I need to ask for her parents or fathers blessing before I propose?
We are both older. I’m 42 and shes 45 and we’ve both been married before.
She’s pretty close with her parents but I dont know what etiquette is for a couple like us.
Should I ask for their blessing or should I for-go it since we’re older and previously married.
What are your thoughts?
I kind of dont want to let them know because I’m sure they will act differently around her before we go.
Post # 3
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
I think it’s your own call in this situation. Do you think she would be happy you asked? Then do it. Do you think they would be unhappy if you don’t ask? Then do it. If, on the other hand, you think neither party will care, or if you think your girlfriend might actually be upset that you did, then you shouldn’t ask.
Post # 4
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
I think your both established individuals and there is no need to ask for permission. I am VERY traditional and expected my FH ask my dad but it is our first time wedding and such. I say go for it!!!
Post # 5
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
You both may have been married before, but now you’re marrying each other and it’s still respectful to ask for a parents blessing since it’s a new and different relationship all around.
Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
I think its a nice gesture of respect and it is romantic as the female. In reality its not really “permission” since you would probably do it no matter what they said. Its a nod to tradition.
Post # 7
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Is getting her parents’ blessing something that is important to her? I think that’s the biggest question.
My husband was afraid of my mom spilling the beans, so he asked their permission just hours before proposing so she wouldn’t have any time to let the secret leak. 🙂
Post # 8
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
If my fiance didn’t ask my parent’s blessing, I would have been devastated. And like you, we are somewhat older. If it wasn’t neccesary at least it shows you respect her parents and might earn you some brownie points too! If it pleases your fiance and her parents, then you done good! Good luck! Everyone is different, but I don’t see any harm in this old tradition so you win either way!
Post # 9
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m on the other side of this and I’m younger (27). If Fiance had asked my parents I would not have been happy. We live together and own our own place. I don’t need my parents permission or blessing to do anything nor did they want to be asked.
However, if it’s important to her then ask.
Post # 10
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
I voted no because I hate that whole thing–I would probably not say yes to someone who asked my parents before asking me. Also you guys are adults and have been married before–asking her parents is kind of overdoing it. It’s like asking to borrow some sugar after the cake has been baked.
But if she’s mentioned that this is something that would be important to her or if you think that this would be something important to her (good source to check is her best female friend) then do it. Everyone likes different things and what makes me see red can make someone else swoon.
Post # 11
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
Please do it out of respect for her family. My Fiance phoned my dad about an hour before he asked me, so there was no chance of anything slipping.
If you can just sneak away for a moment at the airport, or shortly before you leave I think it is such an honorable gesture.
Post # 12
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
@nerdface: Wow. Just curious as to why you hate it so much? (don’t reply if you don’t feel like it 🙂
Post # 13
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
I think it’s only important to do if it’s important to her. Some people think it’s really romantic, some people think it’s downright insulting. Maybe you can hint around a bit and see if she would like it before committing to the idea?
Post # 14
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
Ok, here are my thoughts:
1. You obviously don’t *need* to ask permission, since you’re adults, but if she would appreciate her parents blessing first, then there’s nothing wrong with it.
2. Really, at this point, it’s more like you’re just giving them a heads up that you’re going to propose, than anything, since you’re grown adults and you plan to propose either way.
3. Only ask for their blessing if you know you’re going to get it. I have a friends who didn’t get the blessing the first time around!
For us, this wasn’t something that Darling Husband ever had to do, b/c my dad kept asking Darling Husband “When are you going to marry my daughter?” They love him, so he just let them know he was proposing before he did it…. it wasn’t really a “blessing” thing, b/c he already had their blessing without asking.
Post # 15
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
It really depends on the people, and only you know the situation.
Is your Girlfriend of the more traditional mindset, and also her parents? If so, I would say almost any father would appreciate being asked for a “blessing” (not necessarily “permission.”)
But if not…then it’s your call.
Post # 16
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
I am 44 and my Fiance is 48…he asked my Dad for his blessing (Mom is deceased) just before proposing. I thought it was sweet! He told his mom what he was planning and showed her the ring too. I say go for it, it’s very old school and cute. 
