Post # 1
Just this past week, my fiance’s dad announced that her was divorcing his wife (finance’s step mom…2nd marriage). This has thrown a big wrench into plannng and the family dynamics. She has benn maing it pretty difficult for all the parties, especially for the FOG. But around eveyone else, she is acting like nothing is happening and just assumes she is still part of the family. No one really likes her, but we tolerated her because she was married to FI’s dad. She is geong to be moved out before the wedding, but the invites went out before the divorce was announced and her name is on them as one of the parents. She is also supposed to be co-hosting the showers. Personally she has been kind of attacking and backstabbing. She just wrote on our wedding website( for eveyone to see) “
Auntie recieved your invite, and boy, did you put a lot of work into them – they look great. Seeing as we didn’t get one, we’re just going to have to crash the party. Because, after all, the reception IS at our house and David IS the father of the groom. (All will go well.) We’ll see you there! And at the showers. And Sunday visits. And hunting season. And etc….
How do you interpret somthing like that? She is no longer part of the family! (I’m assuming that FOG hid the invite from her. Is she in denial that they aren’t getting divorced? Anyone ever gone through this before? Any advice on how to handle things? Thanks for letting me rant… Feel much better.
Post # 3
I have never gone through something like this before, but am totally sorry you have to deal with other people’s dramatic outburts for your wedding. I say, if she’s any type of classy person, should would just quietly not show up to the wedding. I don’t think you need to say anything to your guests or change your invitations. Your guests will have the decency to not ask if they don’t see her at your wedding. If worse comes to worse and she just doesn’t get the point, I think it would only be approrpiate for your future Father-In-Law or you fiance to mention it to her that she shouldn’t come to the wedding.
Post # 4
I guess it’s up to Fiance if she comes or not, but he is so shy andI know he’ll never tell her outright. Maybe we can get the FOG to tell her. She can be pretty damn manipulative though. She knows when and where it is, so she would just show up. But we have about 2 1/2 months left…maybe she’ll grow up by then.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Family Meeting time. You need to meet with the key members of the family (not her) and discuss how to handle this. If FOG is 100% going through with the divorce and the stepmom is going to be totally out of the picture (i.e. nobody is planning to maintain a relationship with her and she doesn’t have kids with FOG), then you need to do something to let her know that she is not welcome at the wedding.
I would send her a very polite note explaining that unfortunately in light of the divorce, she is not invited to the wedding or any of the wedding events. I would also make it clear in that note that you would prefer that she respect your wishes and that if she decides to show up at anything (in a nonthreatening manner) she will be escorted off the premises. I would contact the local police department and your facility vendors prior to the event to find out what you can do to keep her off the properties during your wedding events (ask about having her trepassed); put a plan in place so that it’s a quick phone call and she’s out of there. I would also assign someone at each event to deal with the stepmom if she shows up and deal with the police if they have to be called; make sure everyone else is aware that should she show up, you have a plan and a contact person so you and your family/friends don’t have to deal with her or her drama.
There is no need to say anything to the guests. Only the core family and friends that are on a need to know basis need this information. Trust me. The guests that would ask already know what’s going on and you can easily brush them off by responding that she’s just not there and that Uncle Doug is waving you over for a hug (i.e. move on to the next, less nosy guest.)
Sadly, mine is more complicated. My parents are divorced and remarried and my mother and stepmother don’t get along so we have to have three parents tables. Now we may even have to have four because my FI’s parents are going through a rough patch and they may not be together when our wedding rolls around.
Post # 6
We are just going to have a serious conversation with FOG and see how he feels too, I’m sure he doesn’t want her there and since the reception is at his house, he would have some say in it…I would think.
@beachbride1216: that sucks that grown adults can’t even be polite enough with eachother to be able to enjoy their daughters wedding. I hope it works out for the best for you. You stil have time to sort things out. Good luck!