(Closed) Parents Divorced or Together?

posted 10 years ago in Family
  • poll: Are your parents Divorced or still married, what about your SO?

    My parents are married. My SO's parents are still married.

    My parents are married. My SO's parents are divorced.

    My parents are divorced. My SO's parents are still married.

    My parents are divorced. My SO's parents are divorced.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Both of our parents are still married, but they both have very different types of relationships. My parents were high school sweethearts (as are me and my husband) and still today are crazy about each other. His parents got married later in life and definitely don’t appear to be “lovey” toward each other. I think they were both already set in their ways and now their relationship is more like a companionship than anything else. They were also opposed to my husband settling down with me so “early in life” (we have been together since age 14, got married at age 22). This was always a huge annoyance to me because to me and my side of the family it was a very welcoming thing and everyone was very happy that we had found each other. Whereas his side of the family were more wanting him to wait until like his 30s to get married. Oh well, I’m glad that despite that sort of upbringing he has more of a mind set like me and was very happy to be together and start our life together so early.

    Post # 33
    Member
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My parents are divorced, both remarried, but my mom and step dad are in the process of separation. MY FH’s father passed away and his mother has never remarried.

    I think the divorces and not necessarily “good” marriages is not exactly helpful, but gives us a good model of what NOT to do. Hopefully!

    Post # 34
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Both FI’s parents and my parents are still together after 30 years. His family is very strong, while my parents have had a lot of tough times. In fact a lot of people are suprised they are still married. But in spite of everything, they are. It was tough growing up but I don’t think it would have been any easier if they weren’t together. Their problems are caused by issues that are independent of their marriage and the problems would still be there, but in the case of my mom, they would actually probably be magnified if they were apart.

    And from a selfish point of view I’m so grateful they are still together. Out of all my friends I don’t know a single one who has had a positive experience with divorce. My bridesmaid’s eating disorder began during the unraveling of her parents’ marriage, because her eating was the one thing in her life she could keep “control” of during that time.

    It also tends to spread from parents to children. In sociology we larned about the “divorce cycle” and how children of divorce are 3 times more likely to have failed marriages themselves. My dad is the only one in his family who hasn’t divorced, first his sister, then slowly his brothers divorced. I don’t want my marriage to reflect my parents’ union but I am glad I have that example of not throwing in the towel even when it gets tough.

    Post # 35
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    My parents were married until my dad died in 1993.  My mother passed away in 2007.  I have no idea if they would have lasted until then -could have gone either way.  Hubs’ parents are still married over 30 years later.  I’m in this for good (my husband & I have been together -including dating- for 10 years this month.)  I can’t say I can pinpoint any “habits” apparent in either marriage in our own.

    Post # 36
    Member
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My parents are the most happily married people I know, still together after 35 years. My FI’s parents divorced when he was 8, although they’re both now remarried. 

    I definitely think it affects how we handle things. On my part, I really think I learned some good habits from my parents— primarily how to fight. My parents fight just like anyone else does, but when they do it they are fair. No name calling or theatrics, just (sometimes forceful) discussion of feelings and expectations. My family are not yellers haha. 

    On FI’s part I think his parents divorce affected him in several ways. First, I think it really scarred his childhood. He had a LOT of issues stemming from the divorce and how his parents handled it (custody battles, bribes, lots of hatefulness), and I can see some of that affecting his current personality. Second, I think its made him that much MORE committed to never getting divorced, particularly if he has kids. He is determined that he would never put his kids through what he went through. Third, I think he learned some bad habits from them on how they fought. He’s less willing to talk through issues (although maybe thats just being a guy? lol), but he’s also sometimes less willing to compromise. I find him saying things like “well thats just who I am and I’m not going to change that” about stupid things until I remind him that is EXACTLY what his dad used to say to his mom– that changes his tune pretty damn quick! haha. I really think that one of the most positive changes I’ve had on him in the almost four years we’ve been together is teaching him how to “fight fair.” 

    Post # 37
    Member
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think you should have added widows/widowers in the poll some way.

    My parents were married until my dad died.My SO’s parents were married until they died.

    We both came from married parents and had both parents live with us as we grew up. (Not too many black people my age can say that, sadly.) That was one requirement in the man I’ll marry one day. 🙂

    Post # 38
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My parents have been married for 40 years this coming April. They are so stinkin’ cute together!

    My husband’s parents divorced when he was in high school (were married for 20 years), each remarried and his mom was married for 20 years until her second husband passed away, and his dad/step-mom have been married for over 25 years. Even though they were divorced, they also set up the model of longterm marriages.

    I know that his parent’s divorce did impact my husband’s first marriage. Although both his mom and dad are great people (and were great parents), they stayed married and unhappy for YEARS before divorcing. They led very separate lives, which my husband (growing up) thought was a “normal marriage”. It isn’t – not a model that works for most people, at least. He and his first wife led separate lives, which was part of why they divorced a few years after getting married. He said he is so glad that he learned that – it makes our marriage stronger, as he knows how important communication is – hope this makes sense!

    Post # 39
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Both his parents and mine got married at age 19, and nearly 40 years later, they are still together.

    My parents have openly told us that there were times that they wondered if getting married so young was a mistake, but it was something lots of people did at the time. They have definitely had some rough patches, but they have worked on their relationship and come out of those times as an even better couple.

    And if they had ever decided that divorce was what was best for them, I would have much rather they divorce and be happy than stay together “for the kids” and be unhappy.

    I also have grandparents (my dad’s parents) who have been married over 60 years!

    Post # 40
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Unfortunately both of our mothers are widowed–have been for a long time. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1656 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @MsBrooklynA: My mom is a widow and my FI’s parents divorced when he was young and his mom remarried. FI’s mom & stepdad (he doesn’t see his bio dad much) are clean freaks and had insane rules about things when he was young, so he’s a clean freak out of habit. My mom is not such a clean person, but her uncleanliness drives me nuts, so I’m a clean freak by choice 🙂 lol

    Post # 42
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Very surprised at how many couples’ parents are all still together!  We had such a complicated scenario at our wedding.  Here were our “parents”:

    My mom + step-dad

    My dad + girlfriend

    His dad + step-mom (#5…seriously!)

    His step-dad + girlfriend

    (his mom passed away 5 years ago.)

    Needless to say, I bought a lot of corsages and boutoniers!

    Luckily everyone pretty much gets along with each other.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1600 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I didn’t vote, because I didn’t fit in any of the categories.

    My parents were never married. Essentially they dated, but broke up before my mom knew she was pregnant. Thankfully they are still the best of friends, but they aren’t really ‘divorced’. Both my parents married when I was very young, and they’re both still with their husband/wife.

    N’s families are still together though.

    Post # 44
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Both of our parents are still married. My parents are celebrating their 30th anniversary next month, and FI’s parents have been married for almost 38 years.

    Post # 45
    Member
    565 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    my DH’s parents are both divorced and remarried. my parents are still married. last time his parents saw each other was husband’s high school gradaution, and they sat on opposite sides of the place..so not sure how it’s going to go down at the wedding.

    Post # 46
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Papa Teal is on his 4th wife, so that makes things interesting. Luckily for me, my mom’s second marriage was to a great, solid, dependable guy, so while I still have some trust issues (dad’s 3rd wife put Cinderella’s step-mother to shame) I’m doing ok. The Chocolate parents are as in love as they were the day they met, so Mr. C struggles to understand some of my issues, but overall it’s great because I see how I want things to be! 🙂

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