Post # 32
I’m sorry but this post is rubbing me wrong in so many ways. She shouldn’t have to ask for YOUR permission to live HER life. It doesn’t matter if she never had to work, your Dad gave her every luxury etc. She is telling you she is unhappy- period. Does the timing suck? Yes it does. But just in case you forgot ( from your post it seems you have…) she is a person outside of being your Mom. Once you become a Mom that doesn’t mean you are no longer a person that is worthy of being happy and loved. I am dumbfounded that your first concern is this ruining YOUR newlywed experience and not concern for your Mother. Take a big ‘ole step back, take off your Bride hat and put on your daughter and compassionate human being hat.
Staying together for the kids is one of the WORST things you can do for your children, I could find studies lickedy split that tell you that. But instead I will make this post as a product of that kind of marriage and let me tell you- it sucks. You are basically emotionally blackmailing her into staying in a place that makes her unhappy for the sake of ONE day. Do you see how silly that sounds? Because it is. I’m sure this is all a lot of your to take in at once, but please try and look at the bigger picture. Please try and be compassionate to your Mother and not think only of how this affects your one day, but how it affects the whole lives of everyone else as well.
ETA: None of this is meant as unkind. I think people are trying to get you to see the big picture and get you to think of it in another way. The boards are not for having people echoing back only what you want to hear, it is not unsupportive. if anything those of us taking time enough out of our days to stop and put thought into posting replies back to you shows we care!
Post # 33
In general, and especially in a marriage, the people involved know what’s going on behind closed doors, and may in fact be very good at hiding it when they feel the need to do so. For all you know, your Dad has seen this coming for many years, and maybe he didn’t want to be the one to end things. Maybe he’s been staying too (for the sake of all of you)and could be relieved to end the charade. Could it have been better timing? Couldn’t most things?
I don’t think anyone was being ‘selfish’ here. This is an unfortunate set of circumstances that isn’t going away. All you really can do is be there when anyone needs you, and help them if they ask.
Post # 34
Wow. I am appalled by some of the people on these forums. I never would have the audacity to post negivitve and rude comments on others posts, espically ones of such a sensitive nature. I guess its because Im more of a person who likes to lift people up and not put them down. I appreciate all the support from ladies who gave words of encouragement and helpful suggestions. Since there is no ability to delete posts, I am choosing to remove myself. I will no long read or partcipate in this post. Such a disapointment that people can’t reach out when hurting, looking for support, without having someone changing it into something nasty. What a shame.
Post # 35
I don’t think most of the PPs are bashing you for how you feel at all. You are understandably upset and sad about your parents’ marriage ending. You stated that although she wanted to leave your father after the cancer scare was over but was holding off until after the wedding, as per your request.It was very considerate of her to ask!
Still the fact that she doesn’t want to wait until after your youngest brother graduates appears to bother you and if I read your posts correctly, you think as a parent she should wait until he is 18. Again you have the right to feel that way, just as she has the right to chose to make the decisions she makes.
Some of us are merely pointing out that she has apparently been waiting a LONG time to do this and for her the time has come. I know that feeling, when you can almost taste that freedom and every minute spent waiting is too long.
We are merely suggesting compassion and a bit of understanding. Your brother will survive and there is no reason why you can not focus on newlywed bliss after the wedding.
Post # 36
This thread has been closed at the request of the OP.