Post # 1
So my father hardly speaks any English, my mom speaks broken english (I’m Chinese-american) how would my bf ask for his blessing? We’ve joked around having flash cards or him doing charades. I’ve tried to teach him some simple phrases and he used them on my mom but she had no clue what he said.
I know he’s planning to propose because he keeps “hinting” at it. Not much of a surprise person.
So the question is, for you who have family who don’t speak English, did your other half ask your dad or parents for your hand in marriage or did they skip that part? If they did, how did he pull it off?
Post # 3
I haven’t been in your situation, but…
1) Do you have a friend that he could recruit to translate for him? That way you don’t have to be there, and he might be able to converse more freely?
2) what if he got a tutor for this specific purpose? Like, a few sessions a month to basically learn the following:
“I’d like to sit down and speak with you about ak04gal’s and my relationship. I’ve been working with a tutor to learn some phrases specific to this conversation, and may not understand everything you have to say. I love your daughter very much and would like to ask your permission for her hand in marriage.”
I found that in my foreign language studies, my comprehension far exceeded my ability to speak, so maybe he’d be able to pick up on what they said…
Post # 4
Are your parents expecting to be asked? Like is it a cultural expectation thing? If so I think you need to have someone or yourself translate. I would think he would need to know more than a few phrases in order to do this, and apparently that hasn’t worked previously. Also, how would he know what their response is if he doesn’t understand them? I’m sure their reaction will be happy and he’ll know it’s positive but still I’m trying to figure out how this will go down with such a communication issue.
Post # 5
Could he write it in a letter in Chinese Cantonese, and hand it to them personally?
Post # 6
Do you have a friend or brother who could translate for him?
Post # 7
OK, now a) I was the one who proposed and b) I would’ve been really offended if my OH had asked my parents for their blessing or permission BUT there is definitely a language barrier there (I’m German and while my mom isn’t too bd my dad doesn’t have much English) and if my OH had asked I think he would’ve tried going for some tutoring sessions and learning the phrases necessary to have the “talk”. Do you have friends that speak Chinese that your partner could turn to or someone in your community who could help?
I know my OH is swatting like mad now because we’re getting married in Germany and I don’t really want a translator at my wedding for the vows & signing of the contract.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if my parents are expecting to be asked or not. My mom knows that I’ll eventually marry him, my dad is still in denial that our relationship is this serious. He’s still hoping for a Chinese son-in law.
I think they’ll appreciate him asking, but not sure if they require it. All of my friends speak English. My brother lives in a different state. I have cousins that live two hours away that he’s only met once or twice so that’ll be awkward to have him call them up.
Not sure where he could learn Cantonese, since it’s an uncommon language to learn. My mom can speak Mandirin but my dad doesn’t. I think he’s better off just skipping this part. I told him I would want him to ask my dad, but I won’t be mad if he decided not to.
I think it’ll be very hard to write in Chinese, he’d have to know the sentence structure + all of the characters. I can’t even read or write cantonese lol, I tried learning for a year in college, i’ve already forgotten everything!