Post # 1
So I have always been close to my parents and value their opinion, but when it comes to romantic relationships they can be very opinionated. I have been dating my current BF for a while and we live together. My parents think that he is a good person but are concerned because of he doesn’t make loads of money. Growing up, my Dad was a doctor so money was never something we needed to worry about. My parents are concerned that I won’t be happy in life if I choose to stay with someone who won’t make as much as my Dad (that cuts out a huge percent of the population). I love my boyfriend, but I have this constant pressure from people I care about to leave him. My anxiety is going through the roof. How do I handle this?
Post # 2
You do what you want to do and don’t factor in what your parents think at all.
Do you want to marry someone for their earning power? If so, then dump your boyfriend. But if you don’t care what someone can bring to the table money wise then ignore your parents. It’s really none of their business.
Post # 3
how old are you? I don’t think your parents’ advice is coming from a mean-spirited place, and think you should at least take their opinions into consideration; however, you are an adult and are fully capable of making your own decisions.
Sure, listen to their advice, but the decision is ultimately yours and you should do what you believe will be best for *you* in the future. And they should respect your decision should you decide to continue the relationship. If I were you, I would ask them not to mention it again, as any further conversation regarding ending a relationship that currently makes you happy (I assume) is only causing you unnecessary stress and anxiety. They should respect that, too.
i think this is a common phenomenon in affluent families—they expect their children to “marry up” or at least within the same social class as them.
Post # 4
My fiancé most definitely doesn’t earn as much as my dad did. We’ll never have a big house and two holidays every year which is how I grew up. But we both earn decent money and it’s enough to live comfortably if not luxuriously. I bring in more money which means he will cut down on work hours once we have a child, to make sure there’s enough money coming in. But never would I have not wanted to marry him because of that.
Do ask yourself though – and be realistic – what you can do without if you can’t earn enough money yourself. If you’re used to a mansion and all you’ll be able to afford is a bedsit, are you completely sure you’ll be ok with that? Will you be ok if you get ill (in Germany we have mandatory health insurance, even if we lose our jobs)? Will you be ok if you can’t afford to hang out with your friends?
All those factors CAN grind a relationship down.
Post # 5
You won’t be able to maintain a long term relationship unless you put your partner first. Meaning at some point you’ll need to let go of the sway your parents have on you. Most partners will want to feel like they’re the most important person to you. If you don’t put your partner first then don’t expect your partner to put you first. Money is important but it comes and goes.. you never know.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
Why are you letting other people have that much say in your personal relationships?
Shut. Them. Down. Otherwise this will never, ever stop.
Post # 7
I would ask your parents if there’s something they see in your boyfriend that runs deeper than the financial aspect of things. It’s not a flaw in someone that they aren’t high-powered earners. For one, everyone has room for advancement, and I’m imagining you’re quite young. For another, you’re capable of earning your own income, and so long as you’re comfortable knowing that you’ll need to work as long as you’re with your boyfriend, then that’s between the two of you.
I’m curious to know if your parents have legitimate concerns that warrant your consideration. For instance, are they actually worried more about his work ethic than his earning potential? Can they see something you can’t? Perhaps that he’s lazy or unmotivated, while you’re a very motivated individual?
Standard of living is very important, but you can have a very good quality of life even if you’re not earning a doctor’s salary. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it won’t still be good. If the actual salary is your parents’ only concern about your boyfriend, then I would ask them to leave the topic alone. It’s not fair to you; they’re depriving you of a good partner based on their preonceptions of what your life should be like. That choice is yours and yours alone, Bee.
Post # 8
What does it matter how much your boyfriend makes if you make enough to support yourself? Maybe your dad should be worried about you making the same as he does instead of your boyfriend. I mean, it’s kind of crappy of them to expect your boyfriend to make a ton, but not to expect at least the same salary from you.
Post # 9
put on your big girl panties and stop taking dating advice from your parents. You’re an adult, and you can make decisions about your life and your priorities.
Post # 10
There may be another reason that’s hiding behind the money thing. If it’s genuinely a money issue, then your parents are in the wrong. But if “money issue” means he’s been sitting on the couch not trying to find a job for the past five years–then your parents are in the right to be concerned.
But if “I love my boyfriend, but I have this constant pressure from people I care about to leave him” then there’s definitely something about him that you’re not seeing. It sounds like they care for you and are concerned about something–either how he treats you, or his motivation in life or something of the sort. I would really try to see this from an outside perspective–which is one of the hardest things ever. Or try to push your parents to tell you more about their concerns and (calmly) listen to them, even if you disagree.
Post # 11
If you’re old enough to be in a live in relationship with your bf, you’re old enough to stop allowing them to have so much influence over your life decisions.
Post # 12
My mom came from an affluent family. My maternal grandpa were both politically and financially powerful in their town. And then in college, she fell in love with my dad, who is neither into politics nor does he make lots of money. And he doesn’t care to, my dad is very free spirited and while he worked hard to provide for our family, he was also happy with his lot and never wanted more. My mom, when young and carefree, was attracted to this in my dad. She was in politics and did very well in her field before giving it up to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for my sister and I. Now that she’s older, she’s become bitter. She, unlike my dad, is not happy with her lot. She wants more and she feels envious of her friends. I grew up loving both my parents but also being often scared and sad because of their constant fights over money. I remember many nights where I would cry beneath my blankets while they fought in the room next to mine, thinking I couldn’t hear.
So I made myself a promise, that I would be successful and make a good amount of money, and that my partner would have to as well. This isn’t because I love money and am greedy, in fact, I tend to shop sales whenever possible and I almost never go to the mall. But because I never want money to become a source of grief.
I’m not saying your parents are right. Simply that they’re speaking from their heart because they’re genuinely concerned, not just to be mean and inconsiderate. That said, this is your relationship and you need to make your own decision as an adult.
Post # 13
Goto therapy for your anxiety.
Tell them to shove their opinions where the sun don’t shine.
Live your life.
Post # 13
I am curious…do your parents currently fund any of your current lifestyle and are you demanding a certain level of comfort that neither you nor your boyfriend can currently provide for yourselves? If this is the case, I can see where their concern is. If this is a purely classist concern, however, I’d be inclined to give their opinions less weight.
Post # 14
If your boyfriend works an honest 40 hour week then your parents need to butt out. If he is constantly job hopping part time jobs and playing video games when he should be working then perhaps they have a point.