Post # 1
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
FI and I are planning to do a first look at our wedding. It gets dark so early that it makes more sense to do so before the ceremony since we couldnt change the time much with our venue. We also like the idea of having that moment alone together and get to have a moment to talk and just be together.
With all that being said… Apparently my mom thinks that the parents AND grandparents and whoever else need to be present during the first look. Because “everyone is supposed to see his face when he sees you for the first time.” I am just really not feeling this idea. And by that I mean I hate it. I don’t want to have an audience when we see each other the first time and have our first look. That was part of the point of doing a first look…. I feel like we won’t feel as comfortable and it will show in photos.
Honestly I just cannot stand the thought of having so many people there for what was supposed to be an intimate moment.
So… how do I tell my mom this without hurting her feelings or making her mad? She is very set in her ways and I just know she is going to overreact and hold a grudge.
Post # 2
Member
14702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Tell her just what you wrote about wanting that moment alone, nothing more needs to be said.
Post # 3
Member
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I agree the first look is a private moment between the bride and groom. If you have a photographer at the first look, she can see those pictures. If you don’t have a photographer at the first look but will have one for other parts of the wedding, you can remind her that there are a lot of memorable moments in the wedding, and she will be able to relive them with the pictures.
Post # 4
Member
7 posts
Newbee
I agree with everything said above.
I have never heard of other people there during the first look…well besides a photographer.
The entire point is a private moment between you and your partner. A moment of calm before the storm to help center yourselves and your thoughts. A wedding is a giant celebration for everyone involved. The first look is a chance for you to take a moment to yourselves that is 100% about you.
My partner and I are doing a first look…not a single person will be there except for the photographer. We are also doing a quick first look at the reception area. It’s really important to me to have a moment in the venue to appreciate all the planning and work we put into everything.
I get the grudge holding mom part. My mom has some pretty set ideas about what she thinks we should be doing. I am firm but fair when talking about things with her. I have asked her what is important to her, what she wants to be a part of. We have comprimised and I have been strong in standing up for my vision and my wedding day.
If your mom is unable or unwilling to let go of wanting to be there for the first look, that’s something that you will just have to figure out how to deal with. That first look moment really has nothing to do with her at all.
Post # 5
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
Mine was done in a courtyard with windows so actually quite a few people were watching from inside. But it didn’t really feel like that to me. I couldn’t really see any of them, so I didn’t mind. But they had fun watching.
I’d just explain to your mom the point of the first look. It’s really the same converstation that many of us have to have with our FI’s. Explain that it doesn’t take away from the excitement of walking down the aisle. You’ll still see his face then. You’ll still see his face in the pictures. Part of the point is to calm your nerves – to have a moment to yourselves before the big day starts. No one else is invited.
Post # 6
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
I personally wouldn’t have anyone but my fiance and the photographer.
I’m not even crazy about the idea in the first place. Our wedding planner insists on it, but I don’t picture my fiance having a big reaction anyway. We’re both mellow people so I don’t see the point. Just me in a dress, and I hate wearing dresses.
Post # 7
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
So far she seems pretty set in it… Hopefully she will understand why it is a moment for the bride and groom only.
Thankfully FI’s mom didn’t think she needed to be there too!
Thanks, guys!
Post # 8
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
It should be a private moment between you and your FI, I totally get what you mean about not being comfortable with others around. Tell your mom what you’ve decided and that should be the end of it. You can even have your photographer vouch for you that typically other family is not around.
Post # 9
Member
7990 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’d stand my ground on this one. How are you supposed to feel comfortable with an audience of people staring at you?
