(Closed) Parents' friends attending?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

 I think it’s fair for the parents to invite some close friends, if anything it would show how proud you are of her

Post # 18
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MOB1time:  That is what our wedding will be like. We are inviting about 100 for our side, and FI’s side has about 30.

Now, This is mainly because our side is a lot bigger, and we have a lot more faily friends than his does.

But, in all honesty, it is also my opinion that it is OK because me (but mainly my parents) are paying for it. I will admit that this makes me resentful of his family. I wouldn’t be if they were totally broke, but they have money. They just helped his older brother buy a house ! And he is ‘living in sin’ (I am not against this, but his parents are. So it is kind of hyppocritical that they are so aginst that, yet they enable him by helping him buy a house. Yet Fiance and I are getting married, which is what they want, and they are not helping!) So on MY part, I justify the unequal guest list due to this.

Post # 20
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We are having the same thing (other than that my future in laws aren’t paying for the wedding). It bugs me that tgere are people I’ve never met there and that the guest list is 30% me, 70% him. Our way of handling it is that I’m dealing with the one table of parent’s family friends and we aren’t having ushers to put people on sides. That way both sides of the church will be full. For you, I’d say to talk to your daughter. It is up to her to take your money with your strings, side with him, or find a compromise.

Post # 21
Member
15207 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My wedding was 100 my famliy, and 20 his family, 30 friends.. so ‘his’ side was totally out numbered.  I dont think it bothered him, it’s just the way it was.. his family is small, it wouldnt have been ‘fair’ or right to cut  out mine just because his isnt as big.  My mom also had 10-15 of friends that we had never met and neither of us minded.  My parents did pay for the recpetion, and it was a celebration for them as well so I felt that if they wanted some close friends to come celebrate with them, they should.

Post # 22
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It would seem to me that since the groom comes from such a small family, perhaps they should be able to invite a few more friends.

Are there people who are closer to the couple than your friends who now won’t be able to come because your friends are taking up that space? Does your daughter *really* want your friends at the wedding?

If your daughter isn’t particularly close to these people, and the couple is having to sacrifice by forgoing sending an invitation to friends who they’d *actually* like to be there, then this could really cause a lot of resentment.

If the couple can still invite everyone they wanted to *and* your friends, then you should be okay.

My parents are paying for 90% of my wedding, but not once did they try to influence my guest list. They understand that this is *my* wedding and that the people who are close to ME should be there. They already had their wedding and their celebration with their friends.

If you’d like to include some of your friends who are not really that close to the couple, why not have some really beautiful wedding announcements made afterwards? You could have them done up with a gorgeous picture of the couple on their wedding day, and it’s a nice way to include people that you weren’t able to invite.

Post # 23
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@TwoCityBride:  My thinking is the wedding isn’t a reunion of some sorts…

Actually, for a lot of people, a wedding is a reunion of some sort. I don’t think the mom’s request is at all unreasonable, particularly to include a relatively small number of longtime family friends who were a part of the couple’s childhood. Even if it’s been a decade since they saw the bride – that’s not all that long from the perspective of lifelong friends. I understand that space and money is limited and lines have to be drawn, but this is one of the compromises that comes with the territory of uniting families, and it’s healthy for couples to recognize that it isn’t just “all about them,” it’s also about celebrating with the families and the wider community.

Post # 24
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Several of my parents’ friends were invited to our wedding, but they were people I’ve known for most or all of my life and whom we consider a part of the family. A few of them were relative strangers to my husband at the time of our wedding, but he knew they were important to me, and he will obviously get to know them over the years.

I think it’s fine to invite friends of yours as long as your daughter also has a good relationship with them. Her fiance might not know these people now, but maybe he will in the future.

Also, of the 100+ guests at our wedding, only about 20 were the groom’s family. We were married in a different state than most of his family lives in, and some of them opted not to make the trip. I have a big, close family and a lot of very close family friends, and DH’s family is not the same way. No one minded; everyone had fun.

Post # 25
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My parents are inviting their friends to our wedding and I am 100% on board. It makes me happy knowing that they’ll be surrounded by their friends while they celebrate the marriage of their only daughter. Yes, it’s my FI’s and my wedding, but where would we be without our parents? I think it’s just as much their celebration as it is ours.

Post # 26
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MOB1time:  there is no rule and we completly supported our parents inviting some guests, you both should invite who you want.  I envited who I wanted, so did my hsuband and so did both of our parents!  it was great to celebrate with all!!!! 

I think its really sad when Brides get all bitchy about their parents wanting to invite friends to the wedding, why shouldnt they have their friends at the event too???

Post # 27
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MOB1time:  to me 3 couples is no big deal but are you now talking about 3 couples plus all their kids, their respective partners etc? That’s sometimes the biggest deal…

Post # 28
Member
9 posts
Newbee

@MOB1time:  ITA. Traditionally, the bride’s parents hosted the event and invited whomever was appropriate, whether it be relatives, close friends, business associates, etc.  Of course, you want to give room on the guestlist for the bride and groom’s friends.  IMO, you can’t do anything about the imbalance of relatives, so the groom should just suck it up.  In terms of the groom’s view that there will be “strangers” at the wedding–I find this odd.  They won’t be strangers to you or to your family! This can be a chance for the groom to get acquainted with them.

Post # 29
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
@babu22:  Agree 100%. 

However, it sounds like they may want a somewhat smaller, close/intimate wedding with people they know well.  So, keep in mind as the MOB, parents shouldn’t be inviting more of their friends than the bride and groom are inviting in my honest opinion.

(ETA: my last statement in refering “in general” as I now see OP mentioned only 3 couples)

Post # 30
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@MOB1time:  My parents are paying for my wedding so I feel like they have the right to invite whomever they would like. 

Here is our invite breakdown (which, everyone claims to be totally fine with):

My Friends: 23

Groom’s Friends: 32

My Family: 66

His Family: 36

My Parent’s Friends: 61 (most are people who watched me grow up)

His Parent’s Friends: 20

… So, very uneven, but my family is a lot larger and my parents have more close friends than his parents do. My fiance has more close friends than I do.

But anyway, my parents are invited more friends then my fiance and I put together, so I obviously don’t think you should worry about inviting 3 couples! Your daughter and her husband should just be greatful that you are footing the bill!

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