(Closed) Parents Friends With His Ex On Facebook: WWYD?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely talk to my Future-in-laws about everything you described above.  Since you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend are serious about getting married and will be engaged soon, your In-Laws need to stick up for you and stand by your side 100% – you wil become their “daughter” once you’re married afterall, and this ex-gf is just a stranger.  But I would recommend that your Boyfriend or Best Friend has this talk first….. especially if they’re “old school” then in their minds the actual marriage would seal the deal that you’re part of the family and not before. (the last thing you want to do is “impose” your “will” on them before you have any actual leverage with them.)  Once he lays the groundwork (starts the conversation), and then the two of you together sit down and have another candid and completely transparent conversation with them might pack a powerful push to have your In-Laws get off their butt and cut this attachment they have with this ex-gf .

But I totally hear ya!  You need a way to protect your relationship from the toxicity of this crazy ex-gf ASAP.

Post # 18
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@badabing88:  I want to start by saying this is exactly why Fiance & I don’t have FB =)

 

As I was reading your post though, I was even thinking, the most simple way of dealing with this is deleting the parents off FB, thats what I would do.. Its not like your removing them from your life.. Who cares, its just FB, if they say anything tell them you were sick of the drama, they made a choice by not deleting crazy-ex from FB, so you took care of it.

Post # 19
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’d go over and sit with them to help them edit their Facebook settings to regulate what she is able to see. If they would not allow that, I’d proceed as you suggested with deleting myself from their page. I would also edit my personal settings so that I have to approve all tags before the tag appears.

We have a somewhat similar issue with my Mother. Despite repeated explanations, she just does not get how posting certain information can be a threat. She tagged my home, for crying out loud. It’s like giving random people the GPS coordinates to my front door. I wanted to scream. Older people just don’t seem to “get it.”

Post # 21
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@badabing88:  geez… why does she hate you so much?! thats pretty extreme. YEs I would have to draw some lines with the parents. Keep in mind though that sh eis still their grand kids mother so they are probably trying to stay out of the drama.

Post # 22
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@badabing88:  yeah i mean, i’d unfriend my mom, or his mom, dad or stepmom SO FAST if this was happening to me. bitches be crazy!

Post # 23
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@OctBride-2012:  come on, stop posting when he burps and farts? but those are my favorite posts to see from people. stop talking jibberish! Tongue Out

Post # 25
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It depends on how he feels about confrontation with his parents.  What YOU can do is assign his parents to a different group and set your privacy permissions specifically for them.  That way, you can post “BBQ at Joe’s tonight!” and your friends will see it, but they won’t.  If they don’t know it’s happening, they can’t post about it.  I have certain family members on different settings – I love my Future Mother-In-Law to death, but there are things that I say to my friends that I wouldn’t repeat to her.

Post # 26
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Another one who HATES FaceBook… honestly, Life is sooo much sweeter without it !!

I can share with you what went on in my own family when I was in the throws of Divorce with my ExHubby who was a life-long alcoholic and abusive

My Divorce was killing me… inside.  And my Ex a huge menace to me, including some of the behaviour you’ve mentioned (stalking me IRL, thru technology, monopolizing our common friends & family members etc)

Here I was virtually homeless (cause of his antics, with our / my part of the finances), and my own Parents were keeping in contact with him.  I begged them to stop… they didn’t

Their reasoning was he was “family” as he had been part of their lives for over 20 years

True enough… BUT he wasn’t being a very nice person to their own daughter !!

Finally I sat them down, told them the whole sorry tale… including the sh!t he was pulling on me, and told them flat out they had to choose… him or me.  If they loved me, then they’d need to show it an support me in my battle against him just by cutting off all ties with him.

And reluctantly they did.

I advise the same… your Fiance needs to have a heart to heart with his family to clearly lay down what is happening.

True he cannot control them and what they do, but he take measures to change the outcome… be that taking himself off of the FaceBook link, OR if he feels they aren’t supportive of him and his relationship with you, then limiting the time that you all spend together.  Their loss.

And oh ya, don’t be shy to take your fight up with the law… if his Crazy Ex is doing what you say, you need to look into a restraining order, and not having any qualms about calling the cops when in the midst of one of these confrontations etc.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 28
Member
12624 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would do all that  and more.  It sounds like FB is the least of the issues and that this woman needs something more along the lines of a restraining order.  Do the parents know about the threats?  

No way would I want his  parents be a conduit to your FB pages and activities.   I would defriend his parents in an instant, but  that doesn’t allow you to make sure  they are no longer posting info about you.  I would also be sure to  set your and your FI’s  FBs  to “friends only” for everything, not friends of friends where she can see everything on you guys. As pp suggested,  they can also adjust privacy settings so that she’s technically still a  “friend” but sees no more  wall posts, just basic information. On her end, it’ll just look like they have stopped posting stuff on FB. 

 If the parents refuse to defriend her or at the very minimum refuse  no longer  to post  photos  or mention whereabouts that include you, then they risk the relationship with the two of you.  

I’m confused by the poster who is asking if the Fiance has children with this woman. Where is that coming from? 

Bottom line is your Fiance has to step up  and make it clear that you are a team and that  this is not up for negotiation.

Post # 29
Hostess
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@badabing88:  Block settings are going to be your new FB-BFF! Block everything so regardless of photos/tags etc, you have to click approve in order for it to show up; even on THEIR pages. Or basically set it so that they can’t even “tag” you for the check-ins and photos. Good luck!

Mine was friends with his ex, but I think it was a MASS email look up that they did since a few weeks later, she disappeared off of their list after I got some vague emails from them asking if people get an alert if they are defriended. HAH!

Post # 30
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@badabing88:  The only reason I even bothered to find out was because of my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law.  My Future Father-In-Law will lecture my fiance like he’s 5 years old – when he heard we went to the Hollywood Undead show, he went on for nearly an hour about the importance of wearing hearing protection (we both somehow resisted asking for earplugs mid-lecture).  This way, he doesn’t hear about it, and my poor fiance doesn’t get lectured.  Everyone’s happy.

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