(Closed) Parents Friends With His Ex On Facebook: WWYD?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you can force them to remove her or even put her on a limited profile.  It’s your responsibility to ensure your own safety.  If this means not having a fb so be it.  If it means removing or blocking the parents, then so be it.  You gotta do what you gotta do, and what YOU (not the parents) can do.  

Post # 48
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@solidarity:  exactly this: OP, you’re asking grandparents to defriend the mother of their grandchildren? if there were no kid/s involved you’d be totally justified, but considering this ex and your so have children together, asking the parents to defriend is asking them to cut ties to their granchildren, and that’s not cool at all. my uncle cut himself off from his parents and my dad for years because he thought they “sided” with his ex-wife when all my parents and grandparents were doing was keeping cordial ties with the ex so that they’d still have contact with my cousins. it took like 15 years before my uncle got over that anger and realized how important it was to keep those ties open–my cousin and i were really close growing up exactly because my parents remained civil with his ex–and now he actively thanks my parents for keeping the lines of communication open, even though his ex is a completely psychotic loon. 

Post # 51
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@weddingmaven:  +1.

I understand now why they are concerned about unfriending her. I wouldn’t demand they defriend her, but  I would ask them to not post about things you are all doing together and block her from your own proflies (which I am sure you have already done).

Post # 52
Member
11482 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

As a prior poster noted, it’s very likely that they do not want to risk upsetting this woman, because they don’t want to do anything that could keep them from having a relationship with their grandchildren. It’s also possible that his parents are concerned with doing anything that may trigger the ex’s volitility in a way that may lead her to begin harassing them.

I think the only thing you can do is to ask them to NOT “check in” or post any  status updates that involve you or your Fiance in any way and that you and your Fiance block his parents from seeing anything that either of you post. You can explain to them that you don’t want to have to do this — and it’s not making a statement regarding your own relationship with them — but that this is something you just have to do at this time to ensure that you are not continuing to be harassed.

Post # 55
Member
12651 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The  main issue is that the parents are posting things about where the OP and her Fiance are going to be. I assume this includes family gatherings and that kind of thing.  This is how the ex knows exactly where and when to show up and  is the kind of thing that has to stop. The parents  can either stop posting the info, block her from seeing certain  posts, or all of them.  

How old are the kids?  Are they on FB?

 

 

 

Post # 56
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Firstly, I’d be pissed at my FI’s parents for not respecting my wishes, feelings, & well-being over that of a volitile ex.

Secondly, if they refuse to delete her I would definitely delete them & if they have sometime to say about it, I would be less than peaches & cream, lets put it that way..

Post # 58
Member
12651 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@Kat:  Again, the problem with totally unfriending the parents is that then the OP  will have no heads up.  At least now they can tell if they disclose  information about their whereabouts and prepare themselves for the possibility that she may show up. 

Post # 59
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@badabing88:  I feel like I’m missing something. Why does everyone feel the need to dance around this crazy ex’s feelings?

Post # 60
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Him havind kids with her is a different story.  He should probably sit down with her and explain to her that this can’t keep happening.  She is the mother of his children.  If she doesn’t stop than he should bring in the cops.

Now maybe he’s done something to deserve her crazy side that you don’t know about.

Post # 61
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@badabing88:  Not to mention that she can just ask the kids where you are.

 

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