(Closed) parents getting divorced

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’ve been where you are.  My parents seperated when I was on my first honeymoon, instead of coming back and enjoying a happy period of being a newly wed, I had to deal with my mother dumping all her emotions on me.  Bloody horrible time…

I basically did end up losing my family.  But that was because I let my mother emotionally blackmail me into cutting contact with my father.  If I could go back in time, I’d make it clear to both parents that their seperation/divorce was between them, and I still wanted and expected to have a relationship with both of them.  

If your father is truly feeling suicidal, he needs professional help, don’t let yourself be made feel responsible for how he feels.  

As for your Future In-Laws, f**k them!  They can bear to stand one Christmas without your Fiance.  Yeah, their family won’t be whole for 1 day, you are dealing with the breakup of yours. They should have more compassion.  My Fiance also has a very large family (on both sides) and I have none in this country.  Mine also doesn’t ‘get it’ sometimes…all I can recommend is making it clear to him how important it is that you have his support – and for him to actually be with you – at this time.

Post # 4
Member
7758 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hugs to you. My parents separated soon after my marriage and it was tough.

Regardless of whether your parents are separating, your husband’s family is being unreasonable. Married couples always need to divide their time on holidays. Do they really, seriously, not see that? Your husband needs to make clear to them that you will be dividing your time. If your husband is not sticking up for you, have a talk to him and make sure he does. Then just make your holiday plans and let their selfish noses get out of joint.

We now have a routine of 3 way split over the Christmas period (his family, my mum, my dad). All you can do is something similar; spend time with both of your parents and support them both.

Post # 5
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think I can offer you much advice to make this better, but just wanted to say you are not alone. My parents have been separated for about 5 months now, and I’m not sure how it’s going to play out. I moved around a lot as a kid, so my nuclear family was really the only stable thing in my life for a long time. It is heartbreaking. I do get along with my ILs and have opened up to them and that has helped a bit. Also, I hope your dad is seeking the proper help if he is really that depressed. 

PM me if you want to talk. 

Post # 8
Member
7758 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sugarcube:  Wow. That is psycho. When Darling Husband says, “Shouldn’t we be able to spend time with sugarcube’s family?”, what is her answer? Does she have an answer?

The best I can suggest is to quietly ignore them. i.e. make holiday plans with your family anyway. Spend time with your family, and it’s not open for discussion. The stuff about the will is blackmail and needs to be ignored, hard as it may be.

So long as Darling Husband stands up for you, it will be alright.

Post # 9
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

Just hugs to you as PPs have done a great job with advice. *HUGS*

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